Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Spiritus Unum"Musings of an old man - 2022
35 total reviews
Comment from Frank Malley
I was struck that this gentle religious satire could be staged in a brief one-act play or skit successfully, requiring little more than some thoughtful casting. Anyway - I'm sure that it occurs to many people that wherever a particular system of belief and behavior started out, it becomes subjected to the endless manipulations of humankind and one has to wonder how it looked in its basic form. A corporate hiring session is an interesting way to briefly establish a conflict between plan and outcome, and suggest a remediation.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2022
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I was struck that this gentle religious satire could be staged in a brief one-act play or skit successfully, requiring little more than some thoughtful casting. Anyway - I'm sure that it occurs to many people that wherever a particular system of belief and behavior started out, it becomes subjected to the endless manipulations of humankind and one has to wonder how it looked in its basic form. A corporate hiring session is an interesting way to briefly establish a conflict between plan and outcome, and suggest a remediation.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2022
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Frank thanks much for the six -star validation. Yes, one could with this little satire on religious organizations. It would be quite a tale to run with 12 new apostles and their present-day platform.
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Some playwright must've done an updated Last Supper or etc.
Comment from RGstar
Nicely done JLR. For me, I was waiting to see or hear what the product was that is so successful...then at the end I read throuh again, just to see if my later diagnosis was correct, which it was, so no need naming the product.
Well thought through. It took me a second or two, but finally got there.
Bravo
Best wises.
RG
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2022
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Nicely done JLR. For me, I was waiting to see or hear what the product was that is so successful...then at the end I read throuh again, just to see if my later diagnosis was correct, which it was, so no need naming the product.
Well thought through. It took me a second or two, but finally got there.
Bravo
Best wises.
RG
Comment Written 17-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2022
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Thanks for hanging with satirical word limiting short prose. So much could be done to take this in many directions as an expose' on organized religion, I just wonder what twelve new apostles with apply today to take corrective measures ...
Comment from irishauthorme
A really unique creation! You did not say exactly what the job would be, but I would guess (Not assume) that the applicants would be apprentice angels, working for the good of the world, and establishing churches that would adhere to the Bible, seeking to replace some of the weird religions that have sprung up.
Clever titles, guessed God and Jesus, but was Micheal an angel, Micheal?'
Good work,
irish
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2022
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A really unique creation! You did not say exactly what the job would be, but I would guess (Not assume) that the applicants would be apprentice angels, working for the good of the world, and establishing churches that would adhere to the Bible, seeking to replace some of the weird religions that have sprung up.
Clever titles, guessed God and Jesus, but was Micheal an angel, Micheal?'
Good work,
irish
Comment Written 16-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2022
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Thank you - the Arch Angel was among the chosen in this satire. Having not been limited to 450 words, I could have elaborated much more. The reference to the twelve would be a new group of apostles.
Comment from Kit Nongkhlaw
I am amazed at the story. At first, I thought it would be a normal interview but then the scene changed, and all became clear. I like the franchisees and changing of products. That is Christianity now. Thanks for sharing and wish you the best in the contest, Kit
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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I am amazed at the story. At first, I thought it would be a normal interview but then the scene changed, and all became clear. I like the franchisees and changing of products. That is Christianity now. Thanks for sharing and wish you the best in the contest, Kit
Comment Written 16-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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👍👍👍
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Excellent! Great innovation.
You might want to capitalize the 'L' - "let me introduce myself
Had you more words, you could certainly have propounded on what all 'those franchisees' have done.
Best wishes, and good luck.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Excellent! Great innovation.
You might want to capitalize the 'L' - "let me introduce myself
Had you more words, you could certainly have propounded on what all 'those franchisees' have done.
Best wishes, and good luck.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Wayne thanks and yes this could be taken in a myriad of directions. I am most grateful for the sixes!
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello JLR a wonderful Wednesday to you. I hope this finds you well. I liked your Jobs, people and Spiritualism writing prompt entry, the was creative and interesting story, great job and good luck!
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Hello JLR a wonderful Wednesday to you. I hope this finds you well. I liked your Jobs, people and Spiritualism writing prompt entry, the was creative and interesting story, great job and good luck!
Comment Written 16-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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My friend, thank you very much for teh good luck wishes.
Comment from Ethan Vandervelden
Very interesting satire and a cool take on the prompt. It is well written and I see nothing that would require editing. The story has a great deal of depth and I appreciated the thought and care that went into creating your scenario.
I believe what you wrote to also be true, in the fact that over time people have turned a spiritual belief system into a business. Whether that is because of differences in interpretations or the "franchisees" desiring their own set of rules.
Really well done!
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Very interesting satire and a cool take on the prompt. It is well written and I see nothing that would require editing. The story has a great deal of depth and I appreciated the thought and care that went into creating your scenario.
I believe what you wrote to also be true, in the fact that over time people have turned a spiritual belief system into a business. Whether that is because of differences in interpretations or the "franchisees" desiring their own set of rules.
Really well done!
Comment Written 16-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Ethan, I do thank you so very much for this great validation!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This might be fiction, but it is true. There are too many different versions of the original story. I can imagine God tapping his finger in anger. So he employs another twelve apostles to go out and put it right. This is an excellent contest entry. Well done and good luck! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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This might be fiction, but it is true. There are too many different versions of the original story. I can imagine God tapping his finger in anger. So he employs another twelve apostles to go out and put it right. This is an excellent contest entry. Well done and good luck! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 16-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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thank you Sandra. It would be great to have a do over.
Comment from Wendy G
That is very different! You have shown great imagination and creativity. Your point that many churches have wandered far from the essential basis of Christianity and following Jesus, not rules and regulations, is well made. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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That is very different! You have shown great imagination and creativity. Your point that many churches have wandered far from the essential basis of Christianity and following Jesus, not rules and regulations, is well made. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 16-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Tahnk you WEndy.
Comment from lyenochka
I like it!! Great parable for our times. We really need to get away from organized religions which "drive the masses out the door." Instead the focus should be on following Christ and being in one Spirit. Hope you do well in the contest!!
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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I like it!! Great parable for our times. We really need to get away from organized religions which "drive the masses out the door." Instead the focus should be on following Christ and being in one Spirit. Hope you do well in the contest!!
Comment Written 15-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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Thank you.
