Off the rails
Going ...24 total reviews
Comment from royowen
There's nothing worse than the death of a child, it would cause the lifetime grief of a parent, it would be a burden to not only a parent, but would be far reaching, and include other folk into it. Beautifully written Wendy, this happened to a friend's granddaughter who committed suicide. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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There's nothing worse than the death of a child, it would cause the lifetime grief of a parent, it would be a burden to not only a parent, but would be far reaching, and include other folk into it. Beautifully written Wendy, this happened to a friend's granddaughter who committed suicide. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 19-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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Thank you Roy for a very understanding review. I appreciate your words.
Wendy
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Most welcome Wendy
Comment from lyenochka
What a great entry to this contest challenge!! And yes, God could do that and answer both the mother's prayer and the train engineer's wife's prayer. Best wishes in the contest.
One minor suggestion:
You might want to add some designation that you switched to another family. So maybe *** after the third paragraph.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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What a great entry to this contest challenge!! And yes, God could do that and answer both the mother's prayer and the train engineer's wife's prayer. Best wishes in the contest.
One minor suggestion:
You might want to add some designation that you switched to another family. So maybe *** after the third paragraph.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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Thank you Helen for your super review. And yes, I did add some ***, as you are right, it does need clarification.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a good tale and it's well-told. I think it will do well in the competition.
In paragraph three character's name is spelt in Erica, in the following paragraph it's Erika first and then Erica later - kept it consistent.
the train swerved violently from side to side. - maybe use something else instead of swerved, trains can't swerve as they're on rails. Maybe rocked or suchlike.
I felt some-one strong pick me up.- someone doesn't need hyphenated here.
I understand depression and suicidal ideation but it is an incredibly selfish act to try to end a life in such a way as to cause so much hurt and pain to another soul (not family & those left behind but folk like drivers who have to live with that)
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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Hi there,
This is a good tale and it's well-told. I think it will do well in the competition.
In paragraph three character's name is spelt in Erica, in the following paragraph it's Erika first and then Erica later - kept it consistent.
the train swerved violently from side to side. - maybe use something else instead of swerved, trains can't swerve as they're on rails. Maybe rocked or suchlike.
I felt some-one strong pick me up.- someone doesn't need hyphenated here.
I understand depression and suicidal ideation but it is an incredibly selfish act to try to end a life in such a way as to cause so much hurt and pain to another soul (not family & those left behind but folk like drivers who have to live with that)
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 19-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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Thank you so much for your thorough and thoughtful review. I can't believe I misspelled her name! And yes, you are right about the train, so I changed it to "rocked violently".
You are right re suicide, but people with severe depression don't think rationally. It's so sad because the train driver would definitely be scarred by such a happening, as well as family.
Thank you again. and for your good wishes too.
Wendy
Comment from LisaMay
Good story, showing the power of prayer and serendipity of overlapping lives in separate families. Love is unfortunately sometimes misinterpreted by rebellious teens.
Check spelling: Erica/Erika
the train swerved violently from side to side (I doubt that a train is capable of swerving when it is on tracks; maybe pitched or swayed)
This line is chilling:
(This is the story I wish had been possible for a friend's daughter ....) Did your friend's daughter commit suicide? How utterly tragic. My mind is in pieces at the moment as a person I thought I knew well has been admitted to a psyche ward today because she overdosed herself.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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Good story, showing the power of prayer and serendipity of overlapping lives in separate families. Love is unfortunately sometimes misinterpreted by rebellious teens.
Check spelling: Erica/Erika
the train swerved violently from side to side (I doubt that a train is capable of swerving when it is on tracks; maybe pitched or swayed)
This line is chilling:
(This is the story I wish had been possible for a friend's daughter ....) Did your friend's daughter commit suicide? How utterly tragic. My mind is in pieces at the moment as a person I thought I knew well has been admitted to a psyche ward today because she overdosed herself.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2022
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Many thanks for your super review, very thorough, and I appreciate it. Can't believe I misspelled her name! How many times did I go over it!!. Thanks re "swerving". The carriages might swerve, but not the train. I changed it to "rocked violently".
Thanks again.
Wendy
(And yes, unfortunately, she did. Rational thoughts are often absent, when depression rears its ugly head.)
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That correction works better. I read your story again and noticed the picture is gone... on purpose?
Depression is a cruel affliction. A lovely young man I knew when I was 22 killed himself.... so much to live for, but not recognised by himself.
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Oh NO! I'll have to fix that. I don't know what happened there. Thanks for the heads up.
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On my screen the image is still there. Is it back again now on yours? I hope so. Sorry to put you to the bother.
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Yes it's back again. Strange. It went to a tiny little square but now normal.
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Thank you so much for checking.
