Touche
When tables are turned...17 total reviews
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
Great story. A dish served nice and chilly. Though there is a clever twist within a twist here. Was this revenge, or did she plan it all? "You played your hand..." suggests this possibility.
Well done.
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Great story. A dish served nice and chilly. Though there is a clever twist within a twist here. Was this revenge, or did she plan it all? "You played your hand..." suggests this possibility.
Well done.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2022
Comment from lancellot
Not surprising. This part gives it away, and tells the reader it is anti-men: last night's conquest.
When I saw that, I knew this would turn from two unmarried people sharing a tender sexual moment (which is frowned upon on FS) to, "he is going to get it, and she will be the victor"
By adding the word conquest, you shift blame away from the woman robbing him and justify her actions in harming the male. Some call this stacking or punching up. It will make the female readers happy.
It is your choice, but it is too telegraphed.
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Not surprising. This part gives it away, and tells the reader it is anti-men: last night's conquest.
When I saw that, I knew this would turn from two unmarried people sharing a tender sexual moment (which is frowned upon on FS) to, "he is going to get it, and she will be the victor"
By adding the word conquest, you shift blame away from the woman robbing him and justify her actions in harming the male. Some call this stacking or punching up. It will make the female readers happy.
It is your choice, but it is too telegraphed.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2022
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I'm not positive Peyton learned his lesson. Sometimes it takes a man a few times to understand. LOL I enjoyed reading and good luck.
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I'm not positive Peyton learned his lesson. Sometimes it takes a man a few times to understand. LOL I enjoyed reading and good luck.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2022
Comment from in777wr#
This was a interesting story. The table was definitely turned. Your story was very captivating from beginning to end. This should do well in the contest. Nice job.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
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This was a interesting story. The table was definitely turned. Your story was very captivating from beginning to end. This should do well in the contest. Nice job.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
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Thank you very much for taking the time to read my contest entry. I appreciate your time and the review.
Have a great day!
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Same too you. You're welcome.
Comment from Wendy G
A clever story and the use of the prompt words was appropriate. The twist at the end was done well. Justice was served. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
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A clever story and the use of the prompt words was appropriate. The twist at the end was done well. Justice was served. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 25-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
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Good morning, WEndy
Many think the woman was wrong to do as she did, but in my mind, Peyton was stealing far more than she ever did. He was destroying her self-esteem with no regard for her personally. She took his money with a thank you! Have a great day!
Comment from LisaMay
He's lucky to have his car! She sure turned the tables on him. Peyton thought he knew all he needed to know, but she knew more about him - that he was going to be rich pickings. Your brain is usually the best organ to think with.
Written with delicious spicy appeal. I don't mind that you didn't put a warning for sex, but others might think it should appear.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
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He's lucky to have his car! She sure turned the tables on him. Peyton thought he knew all he needed to know, but she knew more about him - that he was going to be rich pickings. Your brain is usually the best organ to think with.
Written with delicious spicy appeal. I don't mind that you didn't put a warning for sex, but others might think it should appear.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
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I thought the same about the car...but I didn't want it to appear as if she was greedy or a criminal so I left it. He wanted to use her and he did with little regard to who she was. She just paid him back on his own terms. Have a great day!
Comment from Thatguypk
I'm not quite sure who is the predator and who is the victim in this little tale of karma. I guess the guy was a shit for being persistent, but there's more than a hint of seduction coming from the female too. In the final analysis, I guess he got what was coming to him. An odd and interesting story, well-written. Maybe in future, the guy will accept that "When I say no, I mean no!"
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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I'm not quite sure who is the predator and who is the victim in this little tale of karma. I guess the guy was a shit for being persistent, but there's more than a hint of seduction coming from the female too. In the final analysis, I guess he got what was coming to him. An odd and interesting story, well-written. Maybe in future, the guy will accept that "When I say no, I mean no!"
Comment Written 24-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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We both understand how life should be, but somewhere in this vast world the truth got lost and chaos wields its mighty fist. The honesty, goodness, and faith is lost on this new generation of society.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I think this one is far too obvious to generate interest in the reader. It's also a story that has been told time and time again. There doesn't need to be a middle section as we all know too well. In fact many complete stories would leave out the details just like this.
I'm not entirely sure that was the point of the competition.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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Hi there,
I think this one is far too obvious to generate interest in the reader. It's also a story that has been told time and time again. There doesn't need to be a middle section as we all know too well. In fact many complete stories would leave out the details just like this.
I'm not entirely sure that was the point of the competition.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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Thank you for your thoughts. Have a great day!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
And through the seven I have read, yours being the last so far, you are in my view in the lead. Good luck. I loved the story. I bet Peyton did not but then this is likely fiction.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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And through the seven I have read, yours being the last so far, you are in my view in the lead. Good luck. I loved the story. I bet Peyton did not but then this is likely fiction.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2022
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Thank you so much for your thoughts and kindness. I appreciate it very much. Have a great day!
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good luck
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THANK YOU
Comment from lyenochka
Whoa! Well, that should teach Peyton something. I like the placement of the "blah, blah, blah." And apparently, he should have thought more about who she was! Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2022
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Whoa! Well, that should teach Peyton something. I like the placement of the "blah, blah, blah." And apparently, he should have thought more about who she was! Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 23-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2022
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When we think we have a situation under our control (with no concern for others), we are apt to discover how totally wrong we viewed the situation. Thank you so much for the kind review. Have a great day!
