Crimson Mirror
Beauty and the beautiful.36 total reviews
Comment from dmt1967
This story was very well written and hooked me from the first word. I liked the way the writer developed a scene into a story and thought it was well put together. Thank you for sharing and take care.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2022
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This story was very well written and hooked me from the first word. I liked the way the writer developed a scene into a story and thought it was well put together. Thank you for sharing and take care.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much for your kind review and the six stars. I'm honored to receive them. You take care as well, D.
Comment from phill doran
Hello John,
I enjoyed this piece very much. More than a 5 and the 6 is to give you teh benefit of the doubt and to encourage you.
My reservation is that I don't think it is a finished piece (to my reading), but I recognise (I think) that the core of a great story is there. I can only suggest you work on it. It is too thin for the quality of character that you have developed so far (all imho of course).
The story line and setting is, if not original, a refreshing change from the usual and your dialogue is very good. I think you would be selling yourself short not to take this further.
(...and given the title, the ending is really clever.)
I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
Perhaps 'origami' where you have used it as a single word, and not as part of the concept of Origamic Architecture, should be with a lower-case 'o' and St Peters needs a stop after St and an apostrophe s (St. Peter's).
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2022
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Hello John,
I enjoyed this piece very much. More than a 5 and the 6 is to give you teh benefit of the doubt and to encourage you.
My reservation is that I don't think it is a finished piece (to my reading), but I recognise (I think) that the core of a great story is there. I can only suggest you work on it. It is too thin for the quality of character that you have developed so far (all imho of course).
The story line and setting is, if not original, a refreshing change from the usual and your dialogue is very good. I think you would be selling yourself short not to take this further.
(...and given the title, the ending is really clever.)
I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
Perhaps 'origami' where you have used it as a single word, and not as part of the concept of Origamic Architecture, should be with a lower-case 'o' and St Peters needs a stop after St and an apostrophe s (St. Peter's).
Comment Written 01-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2022
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Phill, thank you so much for a wonderful review, and of course the six stars. I'm honored to receive them. While I have written longer pieces, I've found my niche years back with shorter fiction folded with a bit of realism. That said, I have received reviews from peers saying the same about this piece. I may have to buckle under and give it a go, lol. Thank you again.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
What an interesting story. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Real or fiction the pace accelerated from the beginning to the end and had me, the reader, try to think where the story was going to end.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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What an interesting story. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Real or fiction the pace accelerated from the beginning to the end and had me, the reader, try to think where the story was going to end.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Thank you, Tom. I'm glad you enjoyed it. The characters are fictional. Thanks again.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi John,
This is a great little piece. i also love the ambiguity of the ending, leaving it up to the reader. Sometimes a hanging ending can say a lot more than a shiny, big red bow tying everything up.
Great tone to this piece and the characterisation is good for such a short piece.
Very enjoyable read.
G
"It's Origamic Architecture. "They're in my room and it may be a bit of a mess; I hope you won't mind." - delete the speech mark before They're.
"David? let's leave the door open." - Let's.
and this, this, bulbus skull? David lowered his voice. - need closing speech marks after the question mark.
Nor did I ever intend for you to misunderstand my kindness.- closing speech marks needed here.
and thought about how quickly his life was about to change, or was it.- maybe a question mark at the end here.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Hi John,
This is a great little piece. i also love the ambiguity of the ending, leaving it up to the reader. Sometimes a hanging ending can say a lot more than a shiny, big red bow tying everything up.
Great tone to this piece and the characterisation is good for such a short piece.
Very enjoyable read.
G
"It's Origamic Architecture. "They're in my room and it may be a bit of a mess; I hope you won't mind." - delete the speech mark before They're.
"David? let's leave the door open." - Let's.
and this, this, bulbus skull? David lowered his voice. - need closing speech marks after the question mark.
Nor did I ever intend for you to misunderstand my kindness.- closing speech marks needed here.
and thought about how quickly his life was about to change, or was it.- maybe a question mark at the end here.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Thank you, G. I was wondering where my editor and chief went, lol. Thank you again.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your story champions the abilities of so many forgotten individuals because they look or act different. I enjoyed reading your story. Your characters were well defined with thoughtful dialogue. I knew about David's condition before I read your notes. It would be awesome if all people were treated with the dignity Lola showed him.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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Your story champions the abilities of so many forgotten individuals because they look or act different. I enjoyed reading your story. Your characters were well defined with thoughtful dialogue. I knew about David's condition before I read your notes. It would be awesome if all people were treated with the dignity Lola showed him.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 30-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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Thank you for your review, Jan. I appreciated your words and stars.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
First of all, you set the stage for this story beautifully in the first three paragraphs. You also tell us what David is thinking by having him talk out loud to himself, and the spittle on his chin helps convey his emotions. I couldn't find anything wrong with this - the writing is lean and the story is compelling. And not one grammar issue, lol!
I look forward to reading more from you.
P.S. This could become a series of stories or a book as we follow David through his new life.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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First of all, you set the stage for this story beautifully in the first three paragraphs. You also tell us what David is thinking by having him talk out loud to himself, and the spittle on his chin helps convey his emotions. I couldn't find anything wrong with this - the writing is lean and the story is compelling. And not one grammar issue, lol!
I look forward to reading more from you.
P.S. This could become a series of stories or a book as we follow David through his new life.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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Pam, Thank you so much for the great review and the SIX. It means a lot. I'll think on that. Thank you again, Pam. Oh, and (yay) on the grammar! LOL.
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I'm kind of a grammar fanatic. You're welcome.
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I will embrace that, lol.
Comment from J. P. Olesen
Hello again, John,
I'm pretty sure this is the last of these ratings I have. Only after I messaged you about your question regarding my own story, did I notice your submittal.
Very nicely written. The only potential flaw I noticed was that I remembered origami as not having any paper cuts. But when I researched it a bit, I saw there was a huge debate regarding that very issue. So, you were all right there. I also like your twist at the end of the story. Fun read!
Best,
J. P.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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Hello again, John,
I'm pretty sure this is the last of these ratings I have. Only after I messaged you about your question regarding my own story, did I notice your submittal.
Very nicely written. The only potential flaw I noticed was that I remembered origami as not having any paper cuts. But when I researched it a bit, I saw there was a huge debate regarding that very issue. So, you were all right there. I also like your twist at the end of the story. Fun read!
Best,
J. P.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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Thank you, J.P. for a great review and the SIX. I have to say Feeew! on the origami cuts. I wasn't sure either, with the limited research I did on it! thank you for saving me my friend. Talk soon.
Comment from Ritasher
It was an unusual read for me, and I liked it. It seems like you notice and express people's emotions in a written manner well, which is really important for a brilliant author. Never heard of this condition before and it's great you write about that - to put yourself in someone else's shoes is hard enough, and here we're talking about someone in a rare and really harsh condition. Keep writing, keep sharing - it's an important job!
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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It was an unusual read for me, and I liked it. It seems like you notice and express people's emotions in a written manner well, which is really important for a brilliant author. Never heard of this condition before and it's great you write about that - to put yourself in someone else's shoes is hard enough, and here we're talking about someone in a rare and really harsh condition. Keep writing, keep sharing - it's an important job!
Comment Written 30-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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Thank you so much for your review and kind words, much appreciated.
Comment from karenina
I loved this story. I've come late--and you have many reviews--which allows me to concentrate on the emotion of this piece, as other have suggested slight changes grammatically. There is a pristine juxtaposition between David's appearance, afflicted as he is with Proteus Syndrome--and his fascination with building things of beauty and precision. Cathedrals/ churches no less! I am deeply moved. Lola is a tremendous inspiration to us all. Pity will never lead to growth. Acceptance, a handhold to bring David away from his "Crimson Mirror" -- this is grace! Beautifully rendered. Six stars, unquestionably.
Karenina
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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I loved this story. I've come late--and you have many reviews--which allows me to concentrate on the emotion of this piece, as other have suggested slight changes grammatically. There is a pristine juxtaposition between David's appearance, afflicted as he is with Proteus Syndrome--and his fascination with building things of beauty and precision. Cathedrals/ churches no less! I am deeply moved. Lola is a tremendous inspiration to us all. Pity will never lead to growth. Acceptance, a handhold to bring David away from his "Crimson Mirror" -- this is grace! Beautifully rendered. Six stars, unquestionably.
Karenina
Comment Written 30-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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karenina, I'm so happy to hear from you! Are you with us to stay? Thank you for your review and the SIX. Much appreciated coming from you. I will have to pen in a HUG!
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Ah, John. I had a bit of a family crisis and deleted all of my work in distress and severe overreaction. How can I leave writing like this? Tom was invaluable in helping me restore my work. More importantly, I paid up for another year and am a card-carrying John Ciarmello fan! I'd welcome a nominee as president of your fan club! (smile)--
All my best! --- Karenina
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That's an easy nomination! I'm happy you're back my friend.
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Yay! I'll start drumming up a ca!pagan slogan....
Something like....
"Ciarmello! "Write" where he ought to be!"
Smile...
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LOL You're hilarious!
Comment from Terry Broxson
A very well-written story. You have a couple of interesting characters in a unique situation. I think you can expand this into a longer story. I am thinking of a little more background on how David got to this point, ie: his habit of locking the door, hiding the mirror, developing his talent. And of course, what happens next? This could be the basis of a good screenplay. Good work. Terry.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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A very well-written story. You have a couple of interesting characters in a unique situation. I think you can expand this into a longer story. I am thinking of a little more background on how David got to this point, ie: his habit of locking the door, hiding the mirror, developing his talent. And of course, what happens next? This could be the basis of a good screenplay. Good work. Terry.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2022
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Thank you for your review, Terry. My niche is shorts. That said, there are a few I'd consider adding to and this is one of them. Thanks again, my friend.
