And Then I Blinked
This wasn't supposed to happen so fast93 total reviews
Comment from zanya
'Cuz life won't let us rehearse'- a line that stands out in these stanzas - how true is the theme here - in the blink of any eye, or so it seems to us, our families are all grown up -
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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'Cuz life won't let us rehearse'- a line that stands out in these stanzas - how true is the theme here - in the blink of any eye, or so it seems to us, our families are all grown up -
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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I can't thank you enough for your very generous 6 star review!
I am very honored & humbled by your kind review & words! Thank you again & God Bless!
Comment from RGstar
A couple of commas in awkward positions here, and a couple conjunctions that could be changed, like 'as' for example.
Yet, this should not deter you, because, this post is all about family and the projection of your appreciation. You have done that well.
The honesty was evident.
My best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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A couple of commas in awkward positions here, and a couple conjunctions that could be changed, like 'as' for example.
Yet, this should not deter you, because, this post is all about family and the projection of your appreciation. You have done that well.
The honesty was evident.
My best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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I absolutely love your honesty and feedback! From childhood to college they pushed punctuation so much to define & emphasize where your pause should be, in the middle of the lines. Yet I think I overuse them to try to smooth the lines out, so I compensate for using too many syllables. I thank you very much for what you liked about my poem, but more so your caring help. Thank you!
God Bless!
Comment from Jenifer Bellott
Well, that was a fantastic story told in rhyme! I enjoyed how you described chapters in your life as blinks, and I particularly appreciated that you sensed another blink coming.
I actually laughed out loud (no joke) when I read the lines, "I'm soon the age my parents were/ When I thought, they were extinct." I thought this was the perfect amount of humor to incorporate into a poem that expresses the sobering and all-too-quick passage of time.
A little helpful criticism: I found myself stumbling on certain lines where the meter did not flow as in the following example:
"As my family kept on growing,
With two sons and daughter in-law.
And all of a sudden, I blinked again,
And I've become a new grandma."
Fret not! I find myself struggling with rhythm more often than rhyme, and I usually find that taking a break and returning the next day with fresh eyes helps me edit.
I also stumbled where your tense changed from future to past in the following lines: "In five years time, they'd graduate/And were all out on their own." Again, super easy fix!
I absolutely adore your final lines where you call on God to help you slow down and appreciate the moments before your next blink comes.
I enjoyed your clever poem, and I look forward to reading more from you!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Well, that was a fantastic story told in rhyme! I enjoyed how you described chapters in your life as blinks, and I particularly appreciated that you sensed another blink coming.
I actually laughed out loud (no joke) when I read the lines, "I'm soon the age my parents were/ When I thought, they were extinct." I thought this was the perfect amount of humor to incorporate into a poem that expresses the sobering and all-too-quick passage of time.
A little helpful criticism: I found myself stumbling on certain lines where the meter did not flow as in the following example:
"As my family kept on growing,
With two sons and daughter in-law.
And all of a sudden, I blinked again,
And I've become a new grandma."
Fret not! I find myself struggling with rhythm more often than rhyme, and I usually find that taking a break and returning the next day with fresh eyes helps me edit.
I also stumbled where your tense changed from future to past in the following lines: "In five years time, they'd graduate/And were all out on their own." Again, super easy fix!
I absolutely adore your final lines where you call on God to help you slow down and appreciate the moments before your next blink comes.
I enjoyed your clever poem, and I look forward to reading more from you!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Oh my gosh Jenn, I absolutely love your honesty and feedback! From childhood to college they pushed punctuation so much to define & emphasize where your pause should be, in the middle of the lines. Yet I think I overuse them to try to smooth the lines out, so I compensate for using too many syllables. I thank you very much for what you liked about my poem, but more so your caring help. In the past, I wrote a lot, but would go back & read again later & change things. Since I've been on Fanstory, I'm writing so fast to make certain deadlines & agree with you wholeheartedly! It truly help to have another author point that out because it's usually a duh moment for me. I truly appreciate your honesty! Thank you!
God Bless!
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Friend, I am an English major, and I STILL struggle with punctuation! It doesn't help that the rules seem to evolve occasionally. I'm happy to have helped :) May God bless you, too!
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I went in once more & edited many parts of the poem that I didn't feel 100% with myself. Your comments were truly the deciding factor to edit.
If you have a few extra minutes, could you please read again & tell me what you think?
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I read your edits, and I like your improvements. Being an author is a never-ending cycle of learning and improving, and I would love for us to be available to help each other. If you ever want me to look over something for you, I'll always be happy to help. Keep doing what you're doing. You're awesome!
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That would be Awesome Jenn! Do you mind if I name you as a fan? I'm on cloud 9 after winning 2 contests in a couple day, but for the future you've taught me to be aware of that little voice & if it doesn't feel quite right, it maybe isn't! That is so big, but I needed to hear it from someone else. Thank you so much for that wonderful lesson!
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I don't mind at all. :)
Comment from Janet Foor
A thoughtful and profound message in you lovely poem. I had many favorite line but I especially liked the following:
I count all, my many blessings.
Cuz life won't, let us rehearse.
well done.
Blessings to you and all your family.
They are blessed to have you.
Janet
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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A thoughtful and profound message in you lovely poem. I had many favorite line but I especially liked the following:
I count all, my many blessings.
Cuz life won't, let us rehearse.
well done.
Blessings to you and all your family.
They are blessed to have you.
Janet
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Thank you Janet, for your very kind review & encouraging words!
You are so very sweet! God Bless!
Comment from Anne Johnston
Good rhyming and an easy poem to read. You are so right, life goes by so fast, it seems we just blink. God has given us so many blessings and we need to enjoy our family and live every day to the fullest.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Good rhyming and an easy poem to read. You are so right, life goes by so fast, it seems we just blink. God has given us so many blessings and we need to enjoy our family and live every day to the fullest.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Thank you Anne for your lovely review and such encouraging words! You are so sweet! Thank you again & God Bless!
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You are welcome
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the Family writing prompt contest. Great flow and rhythm that doesn't seem forced. I like the presentation too.
I can relate to your theme. Life does go by fast. I have three adult children and three grandchildren. They are the best in my life.
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Excellent entry for the Family writing prompt contest. Great flow and rhythm that doesn't seem forced. I like the presentation too.
I can relate to your theme. Life does go by fast. I have three adult children and three grandchildren. They are the best in my life.
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Thank you for your lovely review and such encouraging words! You are so sweet! Thank you again & God Bless!
Comment from jessizero
I completely relate to your poem. My babies (nieces and nephew) are almost teenagers now. I shouldn't have blinked! I am glad you are enjoying your life.
It does go by so fast. Thank you for sharing this, and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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I completely relate to your poem. My babies (nieces and nephew) are almost teenagers now. I shouldn't have blinked! I am glad you are enjoying your life.
It does go by so fast. Thank you for sharing this, and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Thank you Jesse, for your lovely review and such encouraging words!
You are so sweet! Thank you again & God Bless!
Comment from nomi338
Although the blinks seem to sometimes come at breakneck speed. A speed that may even seem unseemly. At least you are alive to blink. What is even more alarming to me is not the rapid blinks, but the number of people who have disappeared in the blink of my eye. It just gets better and better, new friends come into your life making the granting of another day of life all the sweeter. Thank you God for another day of life.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Although the blinks seem to sometimes come at breakneck speed. A speed that may even seem unseemly. At least you are alive to blink. What is even more alarming to me is not the rapid blinks, but the number of people who have disappeared in the blink of my eye. It just gets better and better, new friends come into your life making the granting of another day of life all the sweeter. Thank you God for another day of life.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Thank you for your kind review and such encouraging words!
You are so sweet! Thank you again & God Bless!
Comment from Willie P. Smith
This is a great, warm family poem. Your rhymes were good and the story very understandable and entertaining. I can relate, my wife and I started out with identical twin girls, then another girl and finally a boy. Between them, nine grandchildren who gave me twenty one great grandchildren. I still have one grand daughter who hasn't had any children yet, but trying.
It seems all of this took place over night.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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This is a great, warm family poem. Your rhymes were good and the story very understandable and entertaining. I can relate, my wife and I started out with identical twin girls, then another girl and finally a boy. Between them, nine grandchildren who gave me twenty one great grandchildren. I still have one grand daughter who hasn't had any children yet, but trying.
It seems all of this took place over night.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Willie, I am so overwhelmed by your gracious 6 star review & I appreciate it more than words can say. (Lol, imagine a poet at loss for words)
I can tell you that I appreciate your kind words & love that so many others understand the feeling of; it was just yesterday, then I blinked & 20, 30, 40 years were gone! Thanks again Willie & God Bless!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Ain't what you say the truth? The favorite line of yours for me was:
I'm soon the age my parents were, When I thought, they were extinct.
Last note, time may have the same ticks each day but I swear they are moving more quickly than a decade ago.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Ain't what you say the truth? The favorite line of yours for me was:
I'm soon the age my parents were, When I thought, they were extinct.
Last note, time may have the same ticks each day but I swear they are moving more quickly than a decade ago.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Thank you Tom for your lovely review and such encouraging words! You are so very kind! ! Thank you again & God Bless!
