Bitten by a Butterfly
Shes missing32 total reviews
Comment from Regina Elliott
Hello John, your story characters come to life in
every story you write. To me,
this is a sad story, an adolescent boy enduring the
wrath of a bitter woman about his parentage. Then the
last sentence twist. Masterful
writing. Have a fab Sunday. ~
reply by the author on 21-May-2023
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Hello John, your story characters come to life in
every story you write. To me,
this is a sad story, an adolescent boy enduring the
wrath of a bitter woman about his parentage. Then the
last sentence twist. Masterful
writing. Have a fab Sunday. ~
Comment Written 21-May-2023
reply by the author on 21-May-2023
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Thank you, Regina, for the great review and six stars. I'm always happy to have you go back and read my work. Thank you much! You have a fab Sunday as well
Comment from LJbutterfly
Fergi used foul language, but it made the story more realistic. Based on the title and the mention of a poisonous drug that couldn't be detected by an autopsy, it was almost obvious where the story was going, but it is so well written the reader is curious to see how you execute it. Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2022
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Fergi used foul language, but it made the story more realistic. Based on the title and the mention of a poisonous drug that couldn't be detected by an autopsy, it was almost obvious where the story was going, but it is so well written the reader is curious to see how you execute it. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much for your review, LJ. I appreciate the kind words.
Comment from Ulla
Hi John, this was a heck of a story. I really liked it. Yeah, that Fergi got what she deserved, is very tempting to say. What a horrible woman. I also liked the wonderful twist at the end of the story. You could indeed say she got bitten by a butterfly.
Just a minor thing: I can't lay here all day = I can't lie here all day
It was a great story. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2022
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Hi John, this was a heck of a story. I really liked it. Yeah, that Fergi got what she deserved, is very tempting to say. What a horrible woman. I also liked the wonderful twist at the end of the story. You could indeed say she got bitten by a butterfly.
Just a minor thing: I can't lay here all day = I can't lie here all day
It was a great story. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 20-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2022
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Hi, Ulla, thank you so much for the great review and kind words. I was going for dialectal effect lie vs lay, Somehow, I didn't see Fergi saying, (lie). You're right though, it may be subtle enough to change. Thank you for the feedback my friend.
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Ah, I see what you're saying, She probably wouldn't have said it correctly.
Comment from Mary Vigasin
John,
A very clever, well-written, and very engaging story that kept my attention to the end.
It had a surprising ending even though in the introduction of Fergi's vile character, no one was saddened at her demise.
Best wishes,
Mary
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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John,
A very clever, well-written, and very engaging story that kept my attention to the end.
It had a surprising ending even though in the introduction of Fergi's vile character, no one was saddened at her demise.
Best wishes,
Mary
Comment Written 19-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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Thank you, Mary, for the great review. Always, appreciated. I'm happy you enjoyed it.
Comment from jusylee72
this is a clever well written story with innuendos and surprises. I thought the characters come across loud and clear with their choices of words and actions. Good short story. Is it leading to a longer story or just stopping here?
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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this is a clever well written story with innuendos and surprises. I thought the characters come across loud and clear with their choices of words and actions. Good short story. Is it leading to a longer story or just stopping here?
Comment Written 19-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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Thank you, Jusylee. I've had other inquiries about stretching it, but I enjoy the challenge of the shorts. Thank you again.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello John a good day to you sir, I hope this finds you well. I enjoyed reading your story, it was well written and engaging. I'm surprised Brick lasted that long dealing with that. Good job!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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Hello John a good day to you sir, I hope this finds you well. I enjoyed reading your story, it was well written and engaging. I'm surprised Brick lasted that long dealing with that. Good job!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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Thank you for your review, the13thpoet. I'm happy you enjoyed it. I loved your piece as well.
Comment from juliaSjames
John, I'm not a prose writer (yet) so I'll leave the edits to others who are more knowledgeable. My review and rating pertain to the narrative. It's gripping and it's relatable.. I've been a member of Facebook sites where people post about caring for family with chronic illnesses..So I know about the horrors involved and how pain and frustration can warp personalities.
Best of luck in your writing endeavours.. Trust your instincts.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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John, I'm not a prose writer (yet) so I'll leave the edits to others who are more knowledgeable. My review and rating pertain to the narrative. It's gripping and it's relatable.. I've been a member of Facebook sites where people post about caring for family with chronic illnesses..So I know about the horrors involved and how pain and frustration can warp personalities.
Best of luck in your writing endeavours.. Trust your instincts.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 19-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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Julia, Thank you so much for the six stars and comments. Thank you on (Trust your instincts) I try.
Comment from amahra
I absolutely enjoyed this story. Your writing and dialogue are excellent. You really developed a good old hate for Fergi through her awesome dialogue that was very realistic. It made you beg someone to knock her off. Just one thing below.
The crematorium was a cake-shaped building [that] overlooked Sherwin Harbor's rocky shoreline. [cake-shape is not a good visual for me...cakes have many shapes]
"Hey Dad, Yeah, it's nice to hear your voice. Dad, let's facetime I'd like to see you." [wow, this transition was so abrupt, but I got it after reading it again]
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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I absolutely enjoyed this story. Your writing and dialogue are excellent. You really developed a good old hate for Fergi through her awesome dialogue that was very realistic. It made you beg someone to knock her off. Just one thing below.
The crematorium was a cake-shaped building [that] overlooked Sherwin Harbor's rocky shoreline. [cake-shape is not a good visual for me...cakes have many shapes]
"Hey Dad, Yeah, it's nice to hear your voice. Dad, let's facetime I'd like to see you." [wow, this transition was so abrupt, but I got it after reading it again]
Comment Written 19-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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Hi, amahra, I was wondering when someone was going to mention, (cake-shaped). I wasn't sure about it myself, lol. I had (circular) originally. I'll try to smooth out that transition too. I thank you so much for your six stars and the great review. It means a lot.
Comment from Wendy G
That was quite a story! Of course Fergi pushed them to the limit and got what was coming to her - being bitten by a butterfly! You developed your story very well, and gave the right amount of information for insight into each character. Good that Chase was able to make something of himself.
Wendy
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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That was quite a story! Of course Fergi pushed them to the limit and got what was coming to her - being bitten by a butterfly! You developed your story very well, and gave the right amount of information for insight into each character. Good that Chase was able to make something of himself.
Wendy
Comment Written 19-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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Thank you, for your review Wendy. I'm happy you enjoyed it.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Quite a little story you have here. It's nice to see that the tormented Chase ends up doing well for himself. I like the way you end with the beginning, and although the reader pretty much knows from the start of the dialogue that Fergi is going to end up dead at the hands of either Chase or Brick (the crematorium sealed that assumption), the twist of Chase being the famous interviewee that you start the story with was a good one.
The line that starts "you answer me goddamn it" - "if you" is repeated again.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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Quite a little story you have here. It's nice to see that the tormented Chase ends up doing well for himself. I like the way you end with the beginning, and although the reader pretty much knows from the start of the dialogue that Fergi is going to end up dead at the hands of either Chase or Brick (the crematorium sealed that assumption), the twist of Chase being the famous interviewee that you start the story with was a good one.
The line that starts "you answer me goddamn it" - "if you" is repeated again.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2022
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Hi, Pam, thank you so much for your review and the critiques. I will revisit. I'm happy you enjoyed it.
