Bitten by a Butterfly
Shes missing32 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good story.
against the Ipe timbers - what is an Ipe?
Chase muttered under his breath." - errant quote mark
your callas ways - callous?
Dad let's facetime I'd like to see you." - comma, or something?
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Good story.
against the Ipe timbers - what is an Ipe?
Chase muttered under his breath." - errant quote mark
your callas ways - callous?
Dad let's facetime I'd like to see you." - comma, or something?
Best wishes.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Hi, Wayne. Thank you for your fresh eyes as usual. Ipe, is a Brazilian hardwood commonly used for ocean boardwalk supports.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Yes, it's just a story, about like all the fictional stories in the world. Fakes filled with realities, with all the hate, hurt, and anger that's kept hidden inside our bubbling innards, like hot molten lava, waiting to cook somebody's ass. LOL. Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Yes, it's just a story, about like all the fictional stories in the world. Fakes filled with realities, with all the hate, hurt, and anger that's kept hidden inside our bubbling innards, like hot molten lava, waiting to cook somebody's ass. LOL. Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Wow! it seems I've sparked some emotion in you my friend, Ric. You should never hold back, lol. Let it out! I still adore you! :) Happy Easter.
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Happy Easter, John!
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is an intriguing story, John, and very well written, with its twists and surprise ending.
There are a few little spags:
"Brick closed the door behind chase." (Chase)
That bastard of a father - quotation mark needed at beginning
"she doesn't expect to get bite(bit) by a..."
"I heard your dad has been released as a suspect(s). "
"When did you see her last.(,) Mr. Levrens?"
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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This is an intriguing story, John, and very well written, with its twists and surprise ending.
There are a few little spags:
"Brick closed the door behind chase." (Chase)
That bastard of a father - quotation mark needed at beginning
"she doesn't expect to get bite(bit) by a..."
"I heard your dad has been released as a suspect(s). "
"When did you see her last.(,) Mr. Levrens?"
Comment Written 17-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Judy, Thank you so much for your review and critiques. They're always appreciated and much needed. :)
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You?re most welcome, John.
Comment from sunnilicious
Emotional laundry can be a lot to deal with for some. This story seemed real. The dialogue read life real family drama. Not my family, but I have heard some stories. Well thought out. Clearly written. Excellent work.
Happy Easter :)
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Emotional laundry can be a lot to deal with for some. This story seemed real. The dialogue read life real family drama. Not my family, but I have heard some stories. Well thought out. Clearly written. Excellent work.
Happy Easter :)
Comment Written 17-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Thank you for your review and Happy Easter to you as well.
Comment from lyenochka
That was good that his father didn't say anything. That way Chase wouldn't have to tell lies. But he has a good guess. Maybe the thallium found a use other than for mice? Good final line which tells us both how much the beleaguered husband got tired of being a bullied butterfly.
Comments, mostly punctuation nits:
That bastard of a father of mine (open quotes needed)
If you ever tell him about this I'll... (close quotes needed)
"Yeah, go fry the old bitches remains. (bitch's) possessive not plural
piece of cheese and their gone." (they're) for 'they are' not the
possessive
"Are you done, Fergi, I have to leave for school." ("Are you done, Fergi? I have to leave for school.")
Dad lets facetime (let's)
Chase where are you son it looks beautiful." (Chase, where are you, Son? It looks beautiful.")
Chased pulled the car over (Chase)
"I heard your dad has been released as a suspects. (suspect)
she may have been bitten by a butterfly. (close quotes needed)
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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That was good that his father didn't say anything. That way Chase wouldn't have to tell lies. But he has a good guess. Maybe the thallium found a use other than for mice? Good final line which tells us both how much the beleaguered husband got tired of being a bullied butterfly.
Comments, mostly punctuation nits:
That bastard of a father of mine (open quotes needed)
If you ever tell him about this I'll... (close quotes needed)
"Yeah, go fry the old bitches remains. (bitch's) possessive not plural
piece of cheese and their gone." (they're) for 'they are' not the
possessive
"Are you done, Fergi, I have to leave for school." ("Are you done, Fergi? I have to leave for school.")
Dad lets facetime (let's)
Chase where are you son it looks beautiful." (Chase, where are you, Son? It looks beautiful.")
Chased pulled the car over (Chase)
"I heard your dad has been released as a suspects. (suspect)
she may have been bitten by a butterfly. (close quotes needed)
Comment Written 17-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much for taking the time to review and critique this, lynoechka. It means a lot. I appreciate the fresh eyes. It still amazes me how much is missed even after a thousand reads, lol. Thanks again and Happy Easter.
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We always miss our own. It always helps to have another review.
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
This is a great write and I enjoyed reading it. The language wasn't offensive, I think it was appropriate and added dimension to the story. This is well presented and well written. The dialogue feels authentic and flows naturally.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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This is a great write and I enjoyed reading it. The language wasn't offensive, I think it was appropriate and added dimension to the story. This is well presented and well written. The dialogue feels authentic and flows naturally.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2022
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Thank you for your review. It's always appreciated.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a very good story with good character development and a satisfying plot or, at least, conclusion. There's no one deserves the fate Fergi got as much as she did. And no one deserves the fate Chase had more than him. If this is being turned into a longer story, go for it.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2022
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This is a very good story with good character development and a satisfying plot or, at least, conclusion. There's no one deserves the fate Fergi got as much as she did. And no one deserves the fate Chase had more than him. If this is being turned into a longer story, go for it.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2022
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Thank you, Carol. I always look forward to your reviews and critiques. Perhaps, on the longer story. Happy Easter
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An interesting story. The flow is good. The language is fitting to the situation. The dialogue is believable. The narrative stays on point. The end is well written with a twist.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2022
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An interesting story. The flow is good. The language is fitting to the situation. The dialogue is believable. The narrative stays on point. The end is well written with a twist.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much for your review.
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You are welcome.
Comment from L. Kalere
Well done, John. For some readers who might not have encountered their own Fergi yet, I can attest that she exists. Your solution is a bit extreme, but handy:)) I enjoyed it.
Linda
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2022
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Well done, John. For some readers who might not have encountered their own Fergi yet, I can attest that she exists. Your solution is a bit extreme, but handy:)) I enjoyed it.
Linda
Comment Written 16-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2022
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Thank you, for your review, L. Kalere. Unfortunately for the offended her language does fit her well. Happy Easter to you and yours.
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I'm quite familiar with that language and attitude. Bully's come in all shapes and sizes.
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I worried about it for a bit, but Fergi left me know choice, lol. Thank you again for reading.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a great story John. I enjoyed it very much... (they don't give me enough sixes here). Thllium hmmm? Interesting choice of poison. Unfortunately, some people are just so toxic they need to be treated like weeds. Keep writing, Kate xx
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2022
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This is a great story John. I enjoyed it very much... (they don't give me enough sixes here). Thllium hmmm? Interesting choice of poison. Unfortunately, some people are just so toxic they need to be treated like weeds. Keep writing, Kate xx
Comment Written 16-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2022
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Thank you, Katherine. I appreciate the honorable mention of the six stars and the kind words.
