Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Tsking with a frown"Musings of an old man - 2022
30 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Enjoyed your personification of Mother Nature, "tsking with a frown" at all the destruction that mankind has done. I also like your notes attributing much of this to corruption. Best wishes in the contest!
casting long fingerlings of long shadows, (is the repetition of 'long' needed? or can it be more effective to use another adjective?)
forming seven oceans beyond sheik's and Greeks. (sheiks) plural
the protective gown of Nature that man castoff. (cast off)
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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Enjoyed your personification of Mother Nature, "tsking with a frown" at all the destruction that mankind has done. I also like your notes attributing much of this to corruption. Best wishes in the contest!
casting long fingerlings of long shadows, (is the repetition of 'long' needed? or can it be more effective to use another adjective?)
forming seven oceans beyond sheik's and Greeks. (sheiks) plural
the protective gown of Nature that man castoff. (cast off)
Comment Written 21-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Raul1
This poem meets the requirements for the contest. It's beautifully written. The sentences flow with clarity. Excellent work! No mistakes found. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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This poem meets the requirements for the contest. It's beautifully written. The sentences flow with clarity. Excellent work! No mistakes found. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 21-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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Thank you
Comment from R.B.Bunn
What a great piece. The words flowed so well, almost in a magical way. Really capture the beauty of nature. I liked the message in the final verse as well. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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What a great piece. The words flowed so well, almost in a magical way. Really capture the beauty of nature. I liked the message in the final verse as well. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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Thank you
Comment from Gloria ....
A beautiful pastoral you have written here, J. I truly felt drawn into the scenery with your vivid description of majesty and beauty nature beholds.
A fine contribution to Earth Day, and I wish you great luck in the booths.
Just one line to look at here:
casting long fingerlings of long shadows, -- maybe replace one of the long words with a different one.
Thank you for sharing.
Gloria
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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A beautiful pastoral you have written here, J. I truly felt drawn into the scenery with your vivid description of majesty and beauty nature beholds.
A fine contribution to Earth Day, and I wish you great luck in the booths.
Just one line to look at here:
casting long fingerlings of long shadows, -- maybe replace one of the long words with a different one.
Thank you for sharing.
Gloria
Comment Written 21-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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Gloria for certain, I needed to polish this up.
Comment from dragonpoet
JLR,
It is sad that one country has to suffer so much form others' greed. Mother Nature shows her anger with strong storms. You have good imagery in this poem.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay heatlhy
Joan
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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JLR,
It is sad that one country has to suffer so much form others' greed. Mother Nature shows her anger with strong storms. You have good imagery in this poem.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay heatlhy
Joan
Comment Written 21-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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Thank you
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No problem, JLR.
Joan
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Five stars because 1) I don't have any sixes left, and 2) I don't know whether the poem is good or bad. lol Which means that I prob'ly shouldn't even review it.
My FIL used to say (often) that we live on a hostile planet. I would add that we do our best everyday to muck it up even worse.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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Five stars because 1) I don't have any sixes left, and 2) I don't know whether the poem is good or bad. lol Which means that I prob'ly shouldn't even review it.
My FIL used to say (often) that we live on a hostile planet. I would add that we do our best everyday to muck it up even worse.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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Thanks Wayne, I agree!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry is very descriptive of a scary situation. You handled
the prompt well. You tell a great little story that has been going on for
a long time. The art choice works, the rhyme scheme is solid, and your
message is clear. The notes are informative, too. Yes, the USA has
tried to help in many ways and cannot solve issues with other countries
when they themselves don't deal with them.
sheik's00--no apostrophe
Best wishes in the contest.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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Your contest entry is very descriptive of a scary situation. You handled
the prompt well. You tell a great little story that has been going on for
a long time. The art choice works, the rhyme scheme is solid, and your
message is clear. The notes are informative, too. Yes, the USA has
tried to help in many ways and cannot solve issues with other countries
when they themselves don't deal with them.
sheik's00--no apostrophe
Best wishes in the contest.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 21-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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Jan, thank you so much!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I just love the mountains and the terrain round and about, every scene is different and magical as nature creates such wonderful scenery, I felt your love of nature here, not sure that Sheiks and Greeks work in this context, I know these both rhyme but they are completely unrelated to each other. Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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I just love the mountains and the terrain round and about, every scene is different and magical as nature creates such wonderful scenery, I felt your love of nature here, not sure that Sheiks and Greeks work in this context, I know these both rhyme but they are completely unrelated to each other. Love Dolly x
Comment Written 21-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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Hi Dolly, thanks
Comment from lancellot
Very nice. I think you should look at the last line of the first stanza again.
From the majestic purple mountain peaks (a)
casting long fingerlings of long shadows,(b)
to rivers downward flow from frothy creeks(a)
forming seven oceans beyond sheik's and Greeks.(a)
- not abab
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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Very nice. I think you should look at the last line of the first stanza again.
From the majestic purple mountain peaks (a)
casting long fingerlings of long shadows,(b)
to rivers downward flow from frothy creeks(a)
forming seven oceans beyond sheik's and Greeks.(a)
- not abab
Comment Written 21-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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Dear sir! Man, did I miss that holy moly! 👌👌👌
Comment from royowen
I think one of the big problems with Haiti has been practicing the black arts, and corruption is more likely to be the absence of God in their nation, they are just people like any other nation, I think that's what happens when it's godless. We need to pray for the precious people Jim. Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
1 : That (man) castoff. Men?
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reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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I think one of the big problems with Haiti has been practicing the black arts, and corruption is more likely to be the absence of God in their nation, they are just people like any other nation, I think that's what happens when it's godless. We need to pray for the precious people Jim. Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
1 : That (man) castoff. Men?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
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Yes, Roy, excellent catch! Thank you, friend.
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Welcome
