A life's Orphaned Whisper
Her epiphany26 total reviews
Comment from Douglas Goff
I thought Sigh was great. He was my favorite in this story.
The characters were string and detailed. Their dialogue was solid. Great write.
This is another review twenty-six. Let's see what else we can find.
D
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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I thought Sigh was great. He was my favorite in this story.
The characters were string and detailed. Their dialogue was solid. Great write.
This is another review twenty-six. Let's see what else we can find.
D
Comment Written 13-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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Thank you, D!
Comment from Theodore McDowell
A very interesting story with many twists and turns and interesting characters that kept my attention and interest throughout the story. I want to hear more of the story. Well done.
reply by the author on 01-May-2022
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A very interesting story with many twists and turns and interesting characters that kept my attention and interest throughout the story. I want to hear more of the story. Well done.
Comment Written 01-May-2022
reply by the author on 01-May-2022
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Thank you.
Comment from Rickey Williams
I enjoyed every bit of this story. The visual was very detailed. I love how every part was like a movie playing in my head. The suspense was great I could say so much on how much I enjoyed this.You're really good.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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I enjoyed every bit of this story. The visual was very detailed. I love how every part was like a movie playing in my head. The suspense was great I could say so much on how much I enjoyed this.You're really good.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much, Rickey. I'm happy you enjoyed it. I hope all is well. Keep writing, Rickey! Best, John C
Comment from Janilou
I really enjoyed your story and what twists and turns it had for such a short one I actually enjoyed the character of Sigh. What a clever woman Gertie is too. Wow. This is a great story indeed. I bet you had a great time writing it too.
Nothing to correct that I could find. Well done. This was very touching.
Jan
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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I really enjoyed your story and what twists and turns it had for such a short one I actually enjoyed the character of Sigh. What a clever woman Gertie is too. Wow. This is a great story indeed. I bet you had a great time writing it too.
Nothing to correct that I could find. Well done. This was very touching.
Jan
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2022
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Thank you for the wonderful review, Jan. I'm happy you enjoyed it. It was great fun to write.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is amazing writing, John. I love the characters you've developed in this story and would enjoy seeing them in future episodes. Sigh is quite the character, but likeable. Obviously he won over Gertie's parents. I like the way you've more or less left the later part, told only through one-sided dialogue, up to us to interrupt.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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This is amazing writing, John. I love the characters you've developed in this story and would enjoy seeing them in future episodes. Sigh is quite the character, but likeable. Obviously he won over Gertie's parents. I like the way you've more or less left the later part, told only through one-sided dialogue, up to us to interrupt.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Thank you, Judy. I'm very happy you liked it. I'm honored by the six stars it means a lot. Take care, my friend.
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You're most welcome, John.
Comment from irishauthorme
A very touching, and suitably complicated story!
Great character portrayals, they really came alive as I read. A touch of reality there in the story of Gertie, after 30 years in law enforcement I saw some tricky manipulations at the top. Some of the very high czars were treated like royalty in prison, and they immediately gained a huge inmate following because they remained wealthy and could bestow rewards for favors done.
Good work,
irish
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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A very touching, and suitably complicated story!
Great character portrayals, they really came alive as I read. A touch of reality there in the story of Gertie, after 30 years in law enforcement I saw some tricky manipulations at the top. Some of the very high czars were treated like royalty in prison, and they immediately gained a huge inmate following because they remained wealthy and could bestow rewards for favors done.
Good work,
irish
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Thank you, my friend, irish. I'm happy you enjoyed this and thank you for your service in law enforcement. I'm sure you have seen your fair share of all types of scenarios. stay well, my friend.
Comment from karenina
I have come to expect a wonderful reading experience when I receive a message that you have a new post.
You never let me down.
You have the perfect touch for profound short stories.
I am instantly willing to suspend all disbelief as you coax me into this alternate reality...where agents become homeless by choice, where a destitute doctor is reminiscent of Don Quixote with Gertie his Dulcinea!
Sigh became such an important focal point here! The bridge between despair and hope!
I have a star budgeting problem (so sorry!)
How about six thousand doves and a lemon cake Pulitzer?
My initial thought is I wanted so much more.
Then I realized it is the perfect length. For, oh, the gift you've given the reader is hope...
Yours is that rare talent that would make an anthology of short stories, penned in your inimitable fashiion, A must have.
I'll place my preorder now!
Bravo, John.
Excuse me while I go back and read this again.
Then I am saving it to my bookcase!
Karenina
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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I have come to expect a wonderful reading experience when I receive a message that you have a new post.
You never let me down.
You have the perfect touch for profound short stories.
I am instantly willing to suspend all disbelief as you coax me into this alternate reality...where agents become homeless by choice, where a destitute doctor is reminiscent of Don Quixote with Gertie his Dulcinea!
Sigh became such an important focal point here! The bridge between despair and hope!
I have a star budgeting problem (so sorry!)
How about six thousand doves and a lemon cake Pulitzer?
My initial thought is I wanted so much more.
Then I realized it is the perfect length. For, oh, the gift you've given the reader is hope...
Yours is that rare talent that would make an anthology of short stories, penned in your inimitable fashiion, A must have.
I'll place my preorder now!
Bravo, John.
Excuse me while I go back and read this again.
Then I am saving it to my bookcase!
Karenina
Comment Written 28-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2022
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Thank you, my dear friend, you are too kind. Although, I do have to tell you it was a fun write and as I went along, I learned to love Sigh. He was a question in my mind. Thank you again. You can hold on to the doves for now, but I will take the lemon cake Pulitzer; it sounds delicious! Hugs my friend.
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Sigh stayed with me through the night and well into the day...
Lemon Cake Pulitzer it is.
Hugs my friend!
Comment from Susan Newell
John,
I really like this twist-of-fate story. It is well told, engaging and somehow believable. I just didn't understand how Sigh got from England to New York. Maybe some hint would help. There are a couple spots where you wrote "Gerdie" and I have made some notes on the writing below.
Sue
entryway of a book store and ==> bookstore
She dosed in and out for several moments, ==> dozed
Gertie! Please call me, Gertie." -- missing opening "
"There are two golden rules I had to accept readily -- I like this -- golden rules for golden arches
"Oh, hey Sigh, the woman said nonchalantly." -- oops, misplaced "
Her previous world was gradually being buried beneath the alien grime that clung to her skin like a magnetic powder. -- very nice
He lost the battle with my sister and my mother and I believe he needed a challenge bigger than himself, becoming homeless presented him with that." -- run-on sentence
"Blink looked down and poked a stick at the dirt. I can't leave him, he needs me." -- misplaced opening "
front desk of the bingo hall for her parent's call... ==> parents'
Oh good, I'm glad they made it to you guys. Yes, Mom, he does speak strangely, but that's a big part of who he is... No, it's not an act. -- need an opening " and one for every paragraph that she keeps talking
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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John,
I really like this twist-of-fate story. It is well told, engaging and somehow believable. I just didn't understand how Sigh got from England to New York. Maybe some hint would help. There are a couple spots where you wrote "Gerdie" and I have made some notes on the writing below.
Sue
entryway of a book store and ==> bookstore
She dosed in and out for several moments, ==> dozed
Gertie! Please call me, Gertie." -- missing opening "
"There are two golden rules I had to accept readily -- I like this -- golden rules for golden arches
"Oh, hey Sigh, the woman said nonchalantly." -- oops, misplaced "
Her previous world was gradually being buried beneath the alien grime that clung to her skin like a magnetic powder. -- very nice
He lost the battle with my sister and my mother and I believe he needed a challenge bigger than himself, becoming homeless presented him with that." -- run-on sentence
"Blink looked down and poked a stick at the dirt. I can't leave him, he needs me." -- misplaced opening "
front desk of the bingo hall for her parent's call... ==> parents'
Oh good, I'm glad they made it to you guys. Yes, Mom, he does speak strangely, but that's a big part of who he is... No, it's not an act. -- need an opening " and one for every paragraph that she keeps talking
Comment Written 27-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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Thank you, my friend, Susan. You're always super helpful. I'm happy you liked it. I have made those changes. Thank you, again.
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You are very welcome. It was a fascinating story.
Comment from K. Lang-Slattery
A beautiful story, well-written, and with TWO surprising twists. As usual, there's not much that needs work, though I have a few suggestions.
. "foreign operative, if the family finds you, they'll kill you," I suggest starting a new sentence at "if." otherwise it's a run-on. Yes. it's dialogue and perhaps you mean to indicate he's talking fast..... but.... (maybe ellipses will work better?)
. pored over (somehow this doesn't suit the situation. suggestions: examined, studied, .... to me, "pored over" is used more to suggest studying documents or a book, rather than the environment around.
. (off her knees) to the echo. . " off her knees not necessary.
." She soaked it in the water" previous noun before "it" is "cup" and I think you mean it to stand for Bagel.
. paragraph where Blink describes his father's history reads too much like exposition and doesn't come across as the way a teenager would talk.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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A beautiful story, well-written, and with TWO surprising twists. As usual, there's not much that needs work, though I have a few suggestions.
. "foreign operative, if the family finds you, they'll kill you," I suggest starting a new sentence at "if." otherwise it's a run-on. Yes. it's dialogue and perhaps you mean to indicate he's talking fast..... but.... (maybe ellipses will work better?)
. pored over (somehow this doesn't suit the situation. suggestions: examined, studied, .... to me, "pored over" is used more to suggest studying documents or a book, rather than the environment around.
. (off her knees) to the echo. . " off her knees not necessary.
." She soaked it in the water" previous noun before "it" is "cup" and I think you mean it to stand for Bagel.
. paragraph where Blink describes his father's history reads too much like exposition and doesn't come across as the way a teenager would talk.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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Thank you, Katie, for the review. I'm happy you liked it. I see your points and critiques. Yes, I'll have to kid up Blink a bit more in that paragraph. Thanks again. You're always helpful. Best, John C
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I found your story to be intriguing, John. I couldn't stop reading it
and didn't want it to end. Maybe you will continue this. I like the
way you developed the main characters. You portrayed life in the
street in a way that many don't really know other than it is difficult
and dangerous. Your lines read well and at a good pace with good
organization.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
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I found your story to be intriguing, John. I couldn't stop reading it
and didn't want it to end. Maybe you will continue this. I like the
way you developed the main characters. You portrayed life in the
street in a way that many don't really know other than it is difficult
and dangerous. Your lines read well and at a good pace with good
organization.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 26-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
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Thank you for the great review, Jan. It is much appreciated. I'm happy you enjoyed it.
