Zebra Love
The break-up of a biracial couple.10 total reviews
Comment from Terry Broxson
Sandra, I wanted to review something of yours because you have been a kind reviewer of my less serious and often (hopefully) humorous works. I never expected to read such a powerful tragic and yet somehow loving poem that I think you intended to write.
This is very creative and well-done for this contest. It will be interesting to see what the committee decides. Exceptional work. This earns every bit of my last six. Terry.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Sandra, I wanted to review something of yours because you have been a kind reviewer of my less serious and often (hopefully) humorous works. I never expected to read such a powerful tragic and yet somehow loving poem that I think you intended to write.
This is very creative and well-done for this contest. It will be interesting to see what the committee decides. Exceptional work. This earns every bit of my last six. Terry.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Thank you for reading my poem and the exceptional rating. It is indeed a in one's face all on the table piece. Thanks!
Comment from lyenochka
Oh how heartbreaking! There was love but then the alcohol destroyed that love. Yes, AA could have helped. But that love should have won over the alcohol. Powerfully written.
I especially found these lines poignant:
"Alcohol-soaked self-accusation
loosened cemented promises of a future to be."
Hope this does well in the contest!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Oh how heartbreaking! There was love but then the alcohol destroyed that love. Yes, AA could have helped. But that love should have won over the alcohol. Powerfully written.
I especially found these lines poignant:
"Alcohol-soaked self-accusation
loosened cemented promises of a future to be."
Hope this does well in the contest!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Thanks for reading and rating my poem. Alcohol destroys many lives. It can be a generational curse.
Comment from Dawn Munro
You have me in tears. I really don't know what else to say, other than the strength of this, the 'angry', sorrowful beauty of it is incredibly moving. Oh, and your presentation? Equally stunning. I wish you the best in this contest. If ever there was a poem worthy... This, my friend, is harsh reality in MOST cases of 'love' relationships (in one form or another). It's not always addiction, not always verbal abuse, but always, always, a destroyer. And my personal belief is that poetry, above all else, should evoke emotion. This does this exceptionally well.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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You have me in tears. I really don't know what else to say, other than the strength of this, the 'angry', sorrowful beauty of it is incredibly moving. Oh, and your presentation? Equally stunning. I wish you the best in this contest. If ever there was a poem worthy... This, my friend, is harsh reality in MOST cases of 'love' relationships (in one form or another). It's not always addiction, not always verbal abuse, but always, always, a destroyer. And my personal belief is that poetry, above all else, should evoke emotion. This does this exceptionally well.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much for getting it. Love is seldom running across a field into each other's arms and living happy ever after. It is gritty hard work that many do not want to do. Thank you for your generous rating.
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It IS hard work, and so is thoughtful, evocative poetry (sometimes). (The words may flow, but seldom is there not a tweak needed here or there, and something else -- sometimes it takes great courage to write what we know needs to be written.) Yet love is anything but rainbows and butterflies, even in the best of times, although that is often the more popular choice in reading material. Speaks volumes, doesn't it? That very fact? There is a message within your poem -- several in fact --a six-star poem for sure! You are very welcome.
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I agree wholeheartedly.
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:)
Comment from LisaMay
It's upsetting to read that old racist slurs come out in times of stress, here caused by addiction.
'a love that had secondary status to a yearned bottle' degrades that love. I perceive some personal experience in your words.
'Zebra love' is an effective motif for pinpointing a colour aspect to the relationship, further enhanced by your imagery of shadows blanketing whiteness, hinting at difficulties.
'he NEVER, EVER stopped loving her', but such behaviour and such words are no way to show it.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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It's upsetting to read that old racist slurs come out in times of stress, here caused by addiction.
'a love that had secondary status to a yearned bottle' degrades that love. I perceive some personal experience in your words.
'Zebra love' is an effective motif for pinpointing a colour aspect to the relationship, further enhanced by your imagery of shadows blanketing whiteness, hinting at difficulties.
'he NEVER, EVER stopped loving her', but such behaviour and such words are no way to show it.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much for getting it. Love is seldom running across a field into each other's arms and living happy ever after. It is gritty hard work that many do not want to do. Thank you for reading my poem and rating it.
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Loving someone is often more difficult than hating them.
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You said a mouthful with that statement. Hating is the easy road.
Comment from Fleedleflump
The thoughtful pace of this makes it all the more impactful. I love that you've entered it in the love poem contest, because it's a real, tangible story rather than a fairy tale.
Zebra love is a perfect central metaphor - showing both the differences in stark contrast but also how there can be harmony when the colours work as one being.
It saddens me, how some people can't understand what alcohol does to them. There's so much pressure these days to understand people who abuse booze and sympathise with them, but that's way too easy to say when you don't live with someone in that situation. I have a relative like that - randomly aggressive, unable to see the difference between a pint of beer and a whole bottle of vodka, barely functioning, driving his elderly parents to depression.
The ending of your poem only enhances the tragedy (in the actual true sense of the word - a person begetting terrible events due to a fundamental flaw in their personality).
Simultaneously beautiful and terrible. This is fantastic.
Mike
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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The thoughtful pace of this makes it all the more impactful. I love that you've entered it in the love poem contest, because it's a real, tangible story rather than a fairy tale.
Zebra love is a perfect central metaphor - showing both the differences in stark contrast but also how there can be harmony when the colours work as one being.
It saddens me, how some people can't understand what alcohol does to them. There's so much pressure these days to understand people who abuse booze and sympathise with them, but that's way too easy to say when you don't live with someone in that situation. I have a relative like that - randomly aggressive, unable to see the difference between a pint of beer and a whole bottle of vodka, barely functioning, driving his elderly parents to depression.
The ending of your poem only enhances the tragedy (in the actual true sense of the word - a person begetting terrible events due to a fundamental flaw in their personality).
Simultaneously beautiful and terrible. This is fantastic.
Mike
Comment Written 14-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Thank you for getting my type of writing. I seldom write "well-behaved" Life is too REAL for daisies and buttercups messages.
Comment from juliaSjames
Hello
Welcome to Fanstory
Your free verse is powerfully written, graphic in parts, as you describe a break-up seemingly fueled by alcoholism.
I don't know if this is personal ( the description is romance poetry not biographical) but it's heart wrenching.
Addiction is such a cruel sickness. It overrides everything else. I recommend Yaa Gyasi's Transcendent Kingdom as a riveting read.
TBH although I understand your use of the analogy, I'm not a fan of describing the relationship between a black and white couple as "zebra love". I hope you don't take offense because I know it's a sensitive issue. But for me it seems not exactly belittling, but reducing the relationship to colour, the way an outsider might think of it.
Brings back memories of a nurse seeing me breastfeeding my new baby and asking airily if he was my child because he looked white.
However, come to think of it, perhaps it was your intention to use the phrase from the POV I've described.
One query:
" hurtlingly" - did you mean "hurtingly" ?
Good luck in the contest.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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Hello
Welcome to Fanstory
Your free verse is powerfully written, graphic in parts, as you describe a break-up seemingly fueled by alcoholism.
I don't know if this is personal ( the description is romance poetry not biographical) but it's heart wrenching.
Addiction is such a cruel sickness. It overrides everything else. I recommend Yaa Gyasi's Transcendent Kingdom as a riveting read.
TBH although I understand your use of the analogy, I'm not a fan of describing the relationship between a black and white couple as "zebra love". I hope you don't take offense because I know it's a sensitive issue. But for me it seems not exactly belittling, but reducing the relationship to colour, the way an outsider might think of it.
Brings back memories of a nurse seeing me breastfeeding my new baby and asking airily if he was my child because he looked white.
However, come to think of it, perhaps it was your intention to use the phrase from the POV I've described.
One query:
" hurtlingly" - did you mean "hurtingly" ?
Good luck in the contest.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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It surprisingly came to be about color when Gerald was drunk and angry. It had NEVER been that way before. Sadly, I am reliving in this poem a real incident between my German husband and me. Thus ~Ludwig-for my last name. Your POV was on point. Thanks for your comments and POV about this poem. I appreciate your input.
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Yeah, he wanted to hurt you. Thank God it was verbal abuse. A friend of mine tried to stop her drug addicted daughter from leaving the house by blocking the staircase with her body. She told me she saw in the girl's eyes that she was ready to push her (the mother) down the stairs, so she stepped aside.
Sorry this poem is based in reality. Hope writing it helped you process your feelings.
Stay safe and blessed, Julia
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Now they both are dead. He died 5 months after our daughter from brain cancer. Read my poem Back Away from the Brink about her death. Blessings and hug your kids a bit tighter for me. Thanks!
Comment from karenina
I have no words to express the pain here. To be betrayed and held second to alcohol is a disease... To be cut down at the knees in such a degrading racist manner must shatter one's soul. Tears in my eyes!
Karenina
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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I have no words to express the pain here. To be betrayed and held second to alcohol is a disease... To be cut down at the knees in such a degrading racist manner must shatter one's soul. Tears in my eyes!
Karenina
Comment Written 17-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
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Thank you for reading and rating my poem.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Susan Newell
Sandra,
This is a very powerful poem about the impact of alcohol on people. Sometimes no amount of forgiveness and new starts can bring recovery from the damage caused. I hope this isn't autobiographical, because those kind of comments should never, ever be leveled at anyone. I liked the rhythm of the poem.
Sue
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Sandra,
This is a very powerful poem about the impact of alcohol on people. Sometimes no amount of forgiveness and new starts can bring recovery from the damage caused. I hope this isn't autobiographical, because those kind of comments should never, ever be leveled at anyone. I liked the rhythm of the poem.
Sue
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
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Thank you for your comments and rating. Sadly, I must say it was about my deceased German husband.
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You are welcome.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Sandra a good day to you. I hope this review finds you well. As a poet/writer it is always interesting to see the different takes on these contest/writing prompts. I think your take is definitely a good one. Hopefully so will others, good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Hello Sandra a good day to you. I hope this review finds you well. As a poet/writer it is always interesting to see the different takes on these contest/writing prompts. I think your take is definitely a good one. Hopefully so will others, good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-May-2022
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Thank you for your kind words of support. I am a new member.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This piece left me wondering, which is no bad thing. there's a lot going on here. Sometimes folk say things they don't mean but the racist slur here, designed to hit deep, I would say, shows a deeper character flaw than the alcohol. I would suggest it was always there, niggling beneath the surface, but to what end...
Good piece
GMG
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Hi there,
This piece left me wondering, which is no bad thing. there's a lot going on here. Sometimes folk say things they don't mean but the racist slur here, designed to hit deep, I would say, shows a deeper character flaw than the alcohol. I would suggest it was always there, niggling beneath the surface, but to what end...
Good piece
GMG
Comment Written 12-May-2022
reply by the author on 12-May-2022
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Thank you for your thoughtful words. Your line niggling beneath the surface is a clever choice of wording and probably true. I am a new member.
