The Sanity of Us
Passion and patience combine10 total reviews
Comment from N.K. Wagner
A wonderful sonnet, Mike. Love is, indeed, balanced on a breath. A dance of flames and ice that gradually matures into a deep river -- serene on the surface, but with a hidden strength one can't restrain. Well done, sir. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
  |
A wonderful sonnet, Mike. Love is, indeed, balanced on a breath. A dance of flames and ice that gradually matures into a deep river -- serene on the surface, but with a hidden strength one can't restrain. Well done, sir. :) Nancy
Comment Written 16-May-2022
reply by the author on 17-May-2022
-
Thanks so much, my friend :-). This one hammered its way out of my head so I was obviously ready to write it!
Mike
Comment from Bill Schott
This sonnet, The Sanity of Us, has the proper formatting and seems to suggest that the relationship will endure much, yet survive.
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
 |
This sonnet, The Sanity of Us, has the proper formatting and seems to suggest that the relationship will endure much, yet survive.
Comment Written 15-May-2022
reply by the author on 16-May-2022
-
Thank you, Bill :-). I think all good relationships (romantic and otherwise) evolve and adapt as we do, or fade.
Mike
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This is a powerful, vividly descriptive piece about the strongest of passion
and then love--abiding love that remains after the fires die down. The couplet especially stands out.
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
|
This is a powerful, vividly descriptive piece about the strongest of passion
and then love--abiding love that remains after the fires die down. The couplet especially stands out.
Comment Written 15-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
-
Thanks so much, Janice :-). I'm really happy you enjoyed it.
Mike
Comment from rama devi
Wow! Powerful, eloquent, unique, finely crafted and memorable work! Impressive phonics in phrasing. I especially like how you made such a long sentence flow fluidly in these lines:
For every flicker balanced on a breath,
insanity's a scorch we can't abide
until the embers, blackened, soaked by tears,
reflect a verdant subtlety of pain
so beautiful, it floats across the years
of yearning, learning, balming, cool refrain
to effervesce like waves upon our sand
as we advance by decade, hand in hand.
Superb musicality and rhythmic effect. Superb medley of S, L B and F sounds (plus V sounds too--as cousin to F)
One suggestion to place commas around the simile:
to effervesce(,) like waves upon our sand(,)
Bravo. Strong entry.
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
|
Wow! Powerful, eloquent, unique, finely crafted and memorable work! Impressive phonics in phrasing. I especially like how you made such a long sentence flow fluidly in these lines:
For every flicker balanced on a breath,
insanity's a scorch we can't abide
until the embers, blackened, soaked by tears,
reflect a verdant subtlety of pain
so beautiful, it floats across the years
of yearning, learning, balming, cool refrain
to effervesce like waves upon our sand
as we advance by decade, hand in hand.
Superb musicality and rhythmic effect. Superb medley of S, L B and F sounds (plus V sounds too--as cousin to F)
One suggestion to place commas around the simile:
to effervesce(,) like waves upon our sand(,)
Bravo. Strong entry.
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
-
I'm so honoured, rd. I'm also thrilled you're still here, as I trust you to follow along through the thickets of logic and metaphor I tend to generate. As always, you've found a way to improve it, too. You've made up for the 1-star review I got on another piece (I'd forgotten how much such things sting lol).
Mike
-
Sorry to hear of your 1-star review. I recommend not letting such things irk you, as anyone who gives a one star review to anyone is likely just aiming to provoke.
Big smiles,
rd
-
Thanks Rd. The positives certainly vastly outweigh it :-)
-
:-))))
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I don't know if you remember or not that I am NOT a poet. I just enjoy reading them. I enjoyed reading this contest entry. They rhythm and the rhyming scheme are both very good. Thank you for sharing and good luck.
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
|
I don't know if you remember or not that I am NOT a poet. I just enjoy reading them. I enjoyed reading this contest entry. They rhythm and the rhyming scheme are both very good. Thank you for sharing and good luck.
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
-
Thanks so much, Barbara. Poet/not poet is less important than whether we feel a connection to a piece of writing! That's a pretentious way of saying I'm glad you enjoyed it :-)
Mike
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent writing, Mike. The flow of words is lovely and makes the poem a joy to read. I love the play of words in the writing. The artwork is perfect for the message you wish to send. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
|
Excellent writing, Mike. The flow of words is lovely and makes the poem a joy to read. I love the play of words in the writing. The artwork is perfect for the message you wish to send. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
-
Thanks so much - I'm really happy you enjoyed it :-)
Mike
Comment from Pantygynt
The traditional Shakespearean sonnet divides into three quatrains and a couplet. The first quatrain states a situation or asks a question. This is enlarged in the second and looked at differently in the third. The couplet sums up.
Although laid out in quatrains and a couplet with a rhyme scheme like the Shakespearean, this sonnet is more akin in its development to the Petrarchan form, which creates a problem in an octave and solves it in a sestet.
Here the sestet states the situation and the subsequent octave explains it. As such I waould class it as a modern sonnet.
Here, enjambment is used to create first a sestet f
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
|
The traditional Shakespearean sonnet divides into three quatrains and a couplet. The first quatrain states a situation or asks a question. This is enlarged in the second and looked at differently in the third. The couplet sums up.
Although laid out in quatrains and a couplet with a rhyme scheme like the Shakespearean, this sonnet is more akin in its development to the Petrarchan form, which creates a problem in an octave and solves it in a sestet.
Here the sestet states the situation and the subsequent octave explains it. As such I waould class it as a modern sonnet.
Here, enjambment is used to create first a sestet f
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
-
Thanks very much, my friend. Hence why I was careful not to label the form :-)
Mike
Comment from Debra White
Hello Mike,
I enjoyed reading your sonnet and wish you all the best for the contest.
It is well written with skilful use of enjambment throughout. I really liked the intensity of the write which reduces as the stanzas progress.
Nicely done :)
Best wishes, Debra
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
|
Hello Mike,
I enjoyed reading your sonnet and wish you all the best for the contest.
It is well written with skilful use of enjambment throughout. I really liked the intensity of the write which reduces as the stanzas progress.
Nicely done :)
Best wishes, Debra
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
-
Thanks so much, Debra :-). I'm glad the steady soothing of the intensity came across.
Mike
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a wonderful sonnet. I really enjoyed it, especially the line:
of yearning, learning, balming, cool refrain
I liked the hammering impression that came through these words. Good luck in the contest. Kate.
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
|
This is a wonderful sonnet. I really enjoyed it, especially the line:
of yearning, learning, balming, cool refrain
I liked the hammering impression that came through these words. Good luck in the contest. Kate.
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
-
Thanks so much, Kate :-). I love writing sonnets and I think they suit the love poem genre.
Mike
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Fleedleflump a good day to you. I hope all is well. I enjoyed your love poem entry, it was deep with a nice flow and rhymes. Nicely done, good job and good luck in the contest. Great pic too!
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
|
Hello Fleedleflump a good day to you. I hope all is well. I enjoyed your love poem entry, it was deep with a nice flow and rhymes. Nicely done, good job and good luck in the contest. Great pic too!
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
-
Thanks so much :-). I enjoyed writing this one.
Mike
