Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "Weigh Anchor"Musings of an old man - 2022
29 total reviews
Comment from K. Lang-Slattery
I really enjoyed this poem with all it's illusions and references to a seafaring life. My favorite line is: "on this Brigantine, the Sea Angel, rightly named."
A couple of suggestions:
. "He rubbed his aging St. Brendan medal, as the captain eased the deep drafted schooner past the narrow breakwaters into the open waters." It's not really clear that "he" is the captain. I know it can mess up your meter, but I think you should start the line with "The captain" .... then "he" can ease the boat out to sea.
. "caught between the devil and the deep blue sea." this line is somewhat trite.... I'd suggest trying to find a less common way to say this idea.
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reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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I really enjoyed this poem with all it's illusions and references to a seafaring life. My favorite line is: "on this Brigantine, the Sea Angel, rightly named."
A couple of suggestions:
. "He rubbed his aging St. Brendan medal, as the captain eased the deep drafted schooner past the narrow breakwaters into the open waters." It's not really clear that "he" is the captain. I know it can mess up your meter, but I think you should start the line with "The captain" .... then "he" can ease the boat out to sea.
. "caught between the devil and the deep blue sea." this line is somewhat trite.... I'd suggest trying to find a less common way to say this idea.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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K. Thanks corrected with your input.
Comment from Lilly Flowers
I'm glad you added notes to explain some of the terminology for those of us unfamiliar. You did such a nice job with the imagery you created. You really did paint a picture with your words - well done. Best regards, Lilly
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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I'm glad you added notes to explain some of the terminology for those of us unfamiliar. You did such a nice job with the imagery you created. You really did paint a picture with your words - well done. Best regards, Lilly
Comment Written 15-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Thank you
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Spending ten years as a tar, sailing to Buenos Aires, Hong Kong and the Aleutian strings of atolls, I love sea stories, and have one in the hold waiting for an apt contest to enter in. I must have missed this free verse challenge. Good work.
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Spending ten years as a tar, sailing to Buenos Aires, Hong Kong and the Aleutian strings of atolls, I love sea stories, and have one in the hold waiting for an apt contest to enter in. I must have missed this free verse challenge. Good work.
Comment Written 15-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Tom, I look forward to reading yours?
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
I enjoyed reading this free verse, which is becoming a favorite poetry style of mine. This reads like a story, which I enjoy. This is well written and composed. I was unfamiliar with any "boating" terminology,I appreciate the author notes. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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I enjoyed reading this free verse, which is becoming a favorite poetry style of mine. This reads like a story, which I enjoy. This is well written and composed. I was unfamiliar with any "boating" terminology,I appreciate the author notes. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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K.L. thank you and I delight that you enjoy my favorite style of poetry!
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
Even though I am a woman, I have been interested in stories about sea captains. The courage it took to ride those waves of the unknown. Never knowing if this was his last voyage on earth. Underneath thunderous skies and lightening strike that could kill in seconds. Thank you.
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Even though I am a woman, I have been interested in stories about sea captains. The courage it took to ride those waves of the unknown. Never knowing if this was his last voyage on earth. Underneath thunderous skies and lightening strike that could kill in seconds. Thank you.
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Thank you very much for your comments.
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a fine free verse about a brigantine. Such strong imagery with the sun cresting over the salty mist, and the captain again facing the power of the sea.
Terrific motion throughout and happy to learn it was a happy ending.
Nice one, J. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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This is a fine free verse about a brigantine. Such strong imagery with the sun cresting over the salty mist, and the captain again facing the power of the sea.
Terrific motion throughout and happy to learn it was a happy ending.
Nice one, J. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Gloria. I am very grateful for the extra special star! Thank you!
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are interesting, descriptive, detailed and
creative. Thank you for the author's notes - I like that the author
defined these words. The poem flows and connects well. The
artwork compliments these words.
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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The author's words are interesting, descriptive, detailed and
creative. Thank you for the author's notes - I like that the author
defined these words. The poem flows and connects well. The
artwork compliments these words.
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Smiling back with great amounts of joy, thank you!
Comment from Anne Johnston
Nice picture and a well-written poem to describe the voyage of the Sea Angel. Like the lines:
"This crew had enjoyed fair winds and following seas over many a voyage.
The wise captain had never been caught between the devil and the deep blue sea."
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Nice picture and a well-written poem to describe the voyage of the Sea Angel. Like the lines:
"This crew had enjoyed fair winds and following seas over many a voyage.
The wise captain had never been caught between the devil and the deep blue sea."
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Anne, thank you for your review and comments.
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You are welcome
Comment from Fleedleflump
I love that you've managed to make this informative as well as narrative (now I know where choc-a-block comes from!). There are some beautiful phrases that help capture the feel of your location. I could almost taste the salty air! I very much enjoyed the read.
Mike
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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I love that you've managed to make this informative as well as narrative (now I know where choc-a-block comes from!). There are some beautiful phrases that help capture the feel of your location. I could almost taste the salty air! I very much enjoyed the read.
Mike
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Mike, thank you for the review and comments, glad a need definition is in your wheelhouse now!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A fine story told here in your free-write and I enjoyed this sea-faring tale of a captain caught between the devil and the deep blue sea! Much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
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A fine story told here in your free-write and I enjoyed this sea-faring tale of a captain caught between the devil and the deep blue sea! Much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
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I do thank you!
