Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 57 "Racing the clock"Musings of an old man - 2022
18 total reviews
Comment from Fleedleflump
I've been enjoying reading these roundabout pieces. The form certainly seems to spark creativity. Your closing stanza is particularly strong.
Small note:
In the line 'even zap the reserved' the iambic stresses are off. Even only stresses naturally on the first syllable, so it starts the line off out of kilter.
Mike
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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I've been enjoying reading these roundabout pieces. The form certainly seems to spark creativity. Your closing stanza is particularly strong.
Small note:
In the line 'even zap the reserved' the iambic stresses are off. Even only stresses naturally on the first syllable, so it starts the line off out of kilter.
Mike
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Nike, OMG! Great catch. I was caught in the forest of iambs on that one :) Thanks much!
Comment from lyenochka
You've created a new version of this Roundabout form by using repeated lines and rhymes. And I really liked:
"Breathe deep, become the air"
Yes, once past the rat race stage of life, it's nice to breathe deep in retirement!
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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You've created a new version of this Roundabout form by using repeated lines and rhymes. And I really liked:
"Breathe deep, become the air"
Yes, once past the rat race stage of life, it's nice to breathe deep in retirement!
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from royowen
This is an amazing form, though I'm not sure I like it much, but knowing writing the way I do p, and its propensity for difficulty, so I admire your skill in negotiating this, and more than that, your incredible willingness to engage with that, well done Jim, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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This is an amazing form, though I'm not sure I like it much, but knowing writing the way I do p, and its propensity for difficulty, so I admire your skill in negotiating this, and more than that, your incredible willingness to engage with that, well done Jim, blessings Roy
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 15-May-2022
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Thank you as always, Roy!
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A pleasure
Comment from Carol Clark2
This roundabout is an interesting and complex poetic form, which you've done well. The picture is great with your words, and I like your message about taking time for a deep breath amid the rat race. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
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This roundabout is an interesting and complex poetic form, which you've done well. The picture is great with your words, and I like your message about taking time for a deep breath amid the rat race. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
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Thank you Carol!
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You are welcome. Have a good weekend.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Some uplifting advice here to breathe the air and preserve life, pace the rat race and shake those old bones, it is hard to keep up with life when you age, a fine write, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
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Some uplifting advice here to breathe the air and preserve life, pace the rat race and shake those old bones, it is hard to keep up with life when you age, a fine write, love Dolly x
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
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My dear friend, thank you for the validation on this poem.
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
The objective correlative of your work reminisces humanity's life spectrum race with the clock as guide.
The work highlights the unnerving nature of the race as humanity tinkers through odds and the unknown; and that it is no race for the weak and the muffled.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of metaphors, alliterations, onomatopoeias, rhymes and the hyperbolic.
Excellent work. Bravo.
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
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The objective correlative of your work reminisces humanity's life spectrum race with the clock as guide.
The work highlights the unnerving nature of the race as humanity tinkers through odds and the unknown; and that it is no race for the weak and the muffled.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of metaphors, alliterations, onomatopoeias, rhymes and the hyperbolic.
Excellent work. Bravo.
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
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Thanks Lloyd.
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Remain Blessed.
Comment from Haylee Hemphill
Hello!
This is a very well written Roundabout. It tells a relatable story. My favorite line is "Avoid unknowns!" I feel that we as human beings tend to fear the unknown, but in reality, there is no unknown. We all know what our fate will be in the end. Death. We must not live our lives in fear though, for that is not living. Thank you for sharing!
One Love
Haylee
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reply by the author on 14-May-2022
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Hello!
This is a very well written Roundabout. It tells a relatable story. My favorite line is "Avoid unknowns!" I feel that we as human beings tend to fear the unknown, but in reality, there is no unknown. We all know what our fate will be in the end. Death. We must not live our lives in fear though, for that is not living. Thank you for sharing!
One Love
Haylee
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Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
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Haylee, thank you, yes we must lived life abundantly.
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
I enjoyed your poem. I also enjoyed the write-up from your profile. I think it is wonderful you are a part of this community of writers. I am new to the site but look forward to connecting with great writers like you and strengthening my craft. Keep on writing and blessings to you.
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reply by the author on 14-May-2022
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I enjoyed your poem. I also enjoyed the write-up from your profile. I think it is wonderful you are a part of this community of writers. I am new to the site but look forward to connecting with great writers like you and strengthening my craft. Keep on writing and blessings to you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-May-2022
reply by the author on 14-May-2022
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Welcome, welcome! ?ou are among a great circle of people, here to read, guide and learn as we all can do.
