In the life
A sad existence...13 total reviews
Comment from cat frenette
This is amazing!
Well written, it uses the required words very well.
But more so, it is very evocative and packed with feeling. I felt like I was drawn into her world, and her sense of helplessness and despair. The best stories (in this case in poem form) linger in our minds and make us want to revisit them again and again. This is one of those.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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This is amazing!
Well written, it uses the required words very well.
But more so, it is very evocative and packed with feeling. I felt like I was drawn into her world, and her sense of helplessness and despair. The best stories (in this case in poem form) linger in our minds and make us want to revisit them again and again. This is one of those.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2022
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Thank you for this exceptional review, I'm honored. I appreciate you taking the time to read my poem. :)
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Kind of sad how prostitutes use their bodies to earn money. The spider caught her hand and then was thrown into a puddle of water. I wonder if the person who was not clothe properly was happy? I am sure the spider was not after it was given a flick of a finger.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2022
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Kind of sad how prostitutes use their bodies to earn money. The spider caught her hand and then was thrown into a puddle of water. I wonder if the person who was not clothe properly was happy? I am sure the spider was not after it was given a flick of a finger.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2022
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Thanks for reading my poem and for this great review. :)
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the Use These Words writing prompt contest. It must be hard to stop bring a sex worker.
Good poem with a great presentation and imagery. It flows well with descriptive words that paint a clear poetic vision..
Gypsy Blue Rose
"The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid." - Atticus
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022
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Excellent entry for the Use These Words writing prompt contest. It must be hard to stop bring a sex worker.
Good poem with a great presentation and imagery. It flows well with descriptive words that paint a clear poetic vision..
Gypsy Blue Rose
"The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid." - Atticus
Comment Written 01-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022
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Thank you, it's always nice to hear from you. I appreciate this great review. :)
Comment from Midi O'Rourke
Wow! Great contest entry! I love the flow and they way you so accurately described a woman's life on the street. So very sad. I enjoyed reading your piece
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022
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Wow! Great contest entry! I love the flow and they way you so accurately described a woman's life on the street. So very sad. I enjoyed reading your piece
Comment Written 01-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022
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Thank you this wonderful review and the 6 stars...I'm honored. :)
Comment from Carlos' girl
Unfortunately crotch rhymes with watch. Something about that which is insulting even to a prostitute lol.oh well. If it rhymes it is poetry right? Lacks the visceral pain of prostitution. Random rhyme to use the word spider is another sad misplaced verse. In the real world of turning tricks she would have smashed that spider long before it crawled on her lol.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022
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Unfortunately crotch rhymes with watch. Something about that which is insulting even to a prostitute lol.oh well. If it rhymes it is poetry right? Lacks the visceral pain of prostitution. Random rhyme to use the word spider is another sad misplaced verse. In the real world of turning tricks she would have smashed that spider long before it crawled on her lol.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022
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Thanks for reading my poem. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme to be poetry of course, but it's my favorite. Yes, I could have made this very dark and raw with a lot of sexual content, but I chose to focus on the regret and sadness felt by this woman. That to me was more important than anything else. Thanks again for your viewpoint. :)
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One more thought if I may. You make a blanket assumption that all women in this profession would automatically kill the spider. That in my opinion might be insulting to them as well...just saying. :)
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One more thought if I may. You make a blanket assumption that all women in this profession would automatically kill the spider. That in my opinion might be insulting to them as well...just saying. :)
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Really? Then lets include ALL women. Make it about empowerment lol. And then with that word? We are also safe from any more bad rhymes lol
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Jus keepin it real
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And here i thought it was about watch and crotch and random spiders lol
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And may i say that your blanket assumption that prostitutes dropped out of school is so misplaced. The fact that she has a dancing crotch leads me to believe she tricks to pay off her school loans for Harvard and she is an exotic dancer lol
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Or maybe her dancing crotch is from an untreated std and that is the real reason for her sadness? Those stereotypes about prostitutes being uneducated, so old and tired...
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Btw i said SHE would smash the spider...not ALL women in that profession. So much for your logic
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So you make bad rhymes AND illogical statements. You are perfect for Fanstorylol
Comment from oliver818
This is a beautiful poem. You have created a wonderful and touching scene here with a distinct character in her own clearly reproduced world. Well done and thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022
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This is a beautiful poem. You have created a wonderful and touching scene here with a distinct character in her own clearly reproduced world. Well done and thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 31-May-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022
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Thanks for this excellent review, I appreciate you taking the time to read my poem. :)
Comment from Tansy Roekaerts
The way the last two verses repeat the starting ones is so sad: stylistc demonstration of being stuck, no way out, life on repeat. Great poem it will stay with me a long time
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022
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The way the last two verses repeat the starting ones is so sad: stylistc demonstration of being stuck, no way out, life on repeat. Great poem it will stay with me a long time
Comment Written 31-May-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022
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Thank you for this thoughtful review, I appreciate you reading my poem. :)
Comment from lancellot
This is interesting. It is written in a clean abstract way. It is nicely paced, rhymed and formed. But for the subject matter is seems... surface level. As I think about it, I think this was a good way to handle such a theme. FanStory isn't ready for a deeper dive. Even the chosen photo, is one the members can handle.
Good work and props for understanding your environment.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022
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This is interesting. It is written in a clean abstract way. It is nicely paced, rhymed and formed. But for the subject matter is seems... surface level. As I think about it, I think this was a good way to handle such a theme. FanStory isn't ready for a deeper dive. Even the chosen photo, is one the members can handle.
Good work and props for understanding your environment.
Comment Written 31-May-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2022
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Thank you this exceptional review, it means a lot to me. :)
Comment from Wendy G
Excellent work, with a seamless incorporation of the required words into a meaningful poem with a sad theme, thoughtfully written with insight and understanding, and without judgment. The rhyme is perfect, as is the metre and flow. Well done. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 29-May-2022
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Excellent work, with a seamless incorporation of the required words into a meaningful poem with a sad theme, thoughtfully written with insight and understanding, and without judgment. The rhyme is perfect, as is the metre and flow. Well done. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 29-May-2022
reply by the author on 29-May-2022
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Thank you, I'm honored by the 6 stars. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you reading my poem. :)
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Your poem was original, and creative and very skilfully written. The incorporation of the words was subtle and very smooth. I hope you win the contest.
Wendy
Wendy
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
What a great use of these prompt words. Very well written and engaging - you've given women in this profession a face and voice.
This would make a great short story, written in first person.
Good luck with this contest.
reply by the author on 29-May-2022
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What a great use of these prompt words. Very well written and engaging - you've given women in this profession a face and voice.
This would make a great short story, written in first person.
Good luck with this contest.
Comment Written 29-May-2022
reply by the author on 29-May-2022
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Thank you, I'm so pleased that you liked it. :)
