The Midnight Gambler
A card game for love.38 total reviews
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
Good luck in the contest. You did a good job within the constraints of the contest rules. I loved the Frankie Laine song detail. I know that song, I heard it own the radio as a child. I even remember some of the words.
"I knew the art of poker was to make the opponent bet a hand they thought they could not lose." I found this sentence a bit awkward compared to the rest of the writing in the piece. I think it was the use of the pronoun "they" in such close proximity. I suggest a rewrite, but other than this one tiny thing, the rest of the piece works well within the constraints of the contest. The writing seems natural and the use of specific words required by contest rules isn't forced which gives the piece an easy flow and nice tone.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Good luck in the contest. You did a good job within the constraints of the contest rules. I loved the Frankie Laine song detail. I know that song, I heard it own the radio as a child. I even remember some of the words.
"I knew the art of poker was to make the opponent bet a hand they thought they could not lose." I found this sentence a bit awkward compared to the rest of the writing in the piece. I think it was the use of the pronoun "they" in such close proximity. I suggest a rewrite, but other than this one tiny thing, the rest of the piece works well within the constraints of the contest. The writing seems natural and the use of specific words required by contest rules isn't forced which gives the piece an easy flow and nice tone.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Thank you for the insightful review and suggestion.
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You are right I went back and read it again and the second "they" was deleted. Thank you.
Comment from evilynne
This is a cute little story, well written. It uses the required words and seems to be the required length. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Evi
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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This is a cute little story, well written. It uses the required words and seems to be the required length. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Evi
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Evi, Thank you for the review and the six stars!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Spot on with the word count. All words playing their part and included.
What i liked best about this, though, was the fact that it was a fully fledged story. I've read 3 or 4 others and the story felt a bit lacking. This is robust and you don't really notice the required words.
Nice job
GMG
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Hi there,
Spot on with the word count. All words playing their part and included.
What i liked best about this, though, was the fact that it was a fully fledged story. I've read 3 or 4 others and the story felt a bit lacking. This is robust and you don't really notice the required words.
Nice job
GMG
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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I am humbled by your review! You are an outstanding writer, I enjoy your work. Thank you!
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These short pieces are difficult, this was good.
Comment from amahra
Hahaha! T loved it. Your ability to stick with the guidelines, keep it short and pack so much information was very skillful. Notwithstanding, you even managed a tickling ending. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Hahaha! T loved it. Your ability to stick with the guidelines, keep it short and pack so much information was very skillful. Notwithstanding, you even managed a tickling ending. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Thank you very much!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written.
I understand the limitations of flash fiction.
And with the specific word requirements, many options are out of the writer's control.
The problem I see is the lack of set up allowing the reader to accept that Betty is a devil. All that's given is the 'some said'. For all we know, the was an angel and the man was an evil-minded seducer.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Well written.
I understand the limitations of flash fiction.
And with the specific word requirements, many options are out of the writer's control.
The problem I see is the lack of set up allowing the reader to accept that Betty is a devil. All that's given is the 'some said'. For all we know, the was an angel and the man was an evil-minded seducer.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Wayne, Thank you very much!
Comment from Wendy G
Very well written. Yes - sometimes what you see is not what you get! And you can't tell by the name either, it would seem. An excellent twist at the end. Best wishes for your original and creative entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Very well written. Yes - sometimes what you see is not what you get! And you can't tell by the name either, it would seem. An excellent twist at the end. Best wishes for your original and creative entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Wendy, Thank you!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That really did have a wonderful twist at the end! She really was the devil. Lol. This is very well done, a great contest entry giving us a full story in so few words!! Good luck in the contest! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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That really did have a wonderful twist at the end! She really was the devil. Lol. This is very well done, a great contest entry giving us a full story in so few words!! Good luck in the contest! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Sandra, Thank you!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You made me smile here with this 100 word inventive story. Be careful what you wish for is the moral of this short story. The Devil was not in disguise here but you chose not to see, a winner for the contest, me-thinks, a fun post, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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You made me smile here with this 100 word inventive story. Be careful what you wish for is the moral of this short story. The Devil was not in disguise here but you chose not to see, a winner for the contest, me-thinks, a fun post, love Dolly x
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Dolly, Thank you!
Comment from Averil Drummond
Yes excellent. You are my first 'six stars'. This is what flash fiction should be like with the twist at the end. Plus you had to incorporate alI those words. I have no idea how to write it myself, so I can't criticize anything. Congratulations.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Yes excellent. You are my first 'six stars'. This is what flash fiction should be like with the twist at the end. Plus you had to incorporate alI those words. I have no idea how to write it myself, so I can't criticize anything. Congratulations.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Averil, Thank you for the six stars!!!
Comment from Whitewave
So that's a clever little story which meets all the contest requirements, with a devilish twist! It seems love is often a gamble but often with no winners - kings or queens. Betty looks as though she could win almost any game but looks can be deceptive. Better luck next time.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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So that's a clever little story which meets all the contest requirements, with a devilish twist! It seems love is often a gamble but often with no winners - kings or queens. Betty looks as though she could win almost any game but looks can be deceptive. Better luck next time.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Thank you for the review!
