Unfaithful Ways
Leaving an unfaithful lover is not easy.6 total reviews
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Oh, too often the story. It seems men just don't care anymore. I don't think your heart was foolish, I just think it was broken. The gravel and exhaust showed him who you really are.
Well expressed.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Oh, too often the story. It seems men just don't care anymore. I don't think your heart was foolish, I just think it was broken. The gravel and exhaust showed him who you really are.
Well expressed.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Thanks for the read and the feedback. Appreciated.
Comment from LisaMay
Your action-packed story is gripping with its emotional intensity. Men like Jason cause damage and heartbreak, so a woman is definitely better off without him. 'Foolish hearts' are often led astray, then reality bites.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Your action-packed story is gripping with its emotional intensity. Men like Jason cause damage and heartbreak, so a woman is definitely better off without him. 'Foolish hearts' are often led astray, then reality bites.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Thank you for the read and the feedback. Appreciated.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
In Paragraph Two "Your mine!" Should proably be "You're mine!" The contraction of you and are into the single word.
In this situation it is best to escape the abusive controller any way one has to.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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In Paragraph Two "Your mine!" Should proably be "You're mine!" The contraction of you and are into the single word.
In this situation it is best to escape the abusive controller any way one has to.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Thank you for the read, review and pointing out the mistake. Appreciated.
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
Good story but could use some tweaking. Instead of saying unfaithful lies, if one used unfaithful ways it would cover the lying and the actions accompanying the lie. In this line ....Hot tears spilled from my eyes. If you wrote My hot tears flowed... you could save some words to be used in another spot. It's understood they come from the eyes and using the word "my" identify whose eyes. Your mine should be written You're mine.
In this line ~ tiny pieces of stone, could be replaced with one word~gravel. Now you have additional words to broaden your plot and perhaps hint at why in the sadness is also some relief. I hope some of my suggestions help. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Good story but could use some tweaking. Instead of saying unfaithful lies, if one used unfaithful ways it would cover the lying and the actions accompanying the lie. In this line ....Hot tears spilled from my eyes. If you wrote My hot tears flowed... you could save some words to be used in another spot. It's understood they come from the eyes and using the word "my" identify whose eyes. Your mine should be written You're mine.
In this line ~ tiny pieces of stone, could be replaced with one word~gravel. Now you have additional words to broaden your plot and perhaps hint at why in the sadness is also some relief. I hope some of my suggestions help. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much for the careful read and your suggestions. I will get to work editing.
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You are most welcome. Thanks for being receptive to my suggestions.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Betrayal and exist a la grande! Better be alone than fooled. This is a sad story. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Betrayal and exist a la grande! Better be alone than fooled. This is a sad story. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your read and your review. Appreciated.
Comment from lancellot
This is a face paced story. It get right to the root of things and paints a grim picture of domestic fighting. You have a solid introduction, reasons and a realistic resolution.
"Your mine!" He shouted and grabbed my arm.
or
"You're mine!" he shouted and grabbed my arm.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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This is a face paced story. It get right to the root of things and paints a grim picture of domestic fighting. You have a solid introduction, reasons and a realistic resolution.
"Your mine!" He shouted and grabbed my arm.
or
"You're mine!" he shouted and grabbed my arm.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Thank you for your read and your review. Appreciated. I will correct the mistake.
