Tracie Wants to Know
A child wants to know forgiveness.14 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This seventy-five-word story, Tracie Wants to Know, has the proper word count and gives a child a truth about relationships. Too many unnecessary speaker tags, especially for such a short piece.
Examples:
She asks her dad. "Dad, what does forgiveness mean?" Tracie asks.
The tag is redundant, as it is in the next two sentences where the speaker is already known by the reader.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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This seventy-five-word story, Tracie Wants to Know, has the proper word count and gives a child a truth about relationships. Too many unnecessary speaker tags, especially for such a short piece.
Examples:
She asks her dad. "Dad, what does forgiveness mean?" Tracie asks.
The tag is redundant, as it is in the next two sentences where the speaker is already known by the reader.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from lyenochka
This is a very spiritually deep conversation to have a six-year-old! I liked the dialogue and the explanation. Best wishes in the contest!
One question:
This is forgiveness, Jane." Dad says. (Tracie? There isn't any Jane mentioned prior to this.)
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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This is a very spiritually deep conversation to have a six-year-old! I liked the dialogue and the explanation. Best wishes in the contest!
One question:
This is forgiveness, Jane." Dad says. (Tracie? There isn't any Jane mentioned prior to this.)
Comment Written 07-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you! I have fixed the mistake. Thanks for your help!
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
The tough part with forgiveness is never ever mentioning the infraction again.
On suggestion:
First sentence: Convention would have you hyphenate phrases like "six-year-old" Not necessarily wrong the way it is but just a suggestion.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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The tough part with forgiveness is never ever mentioning the infraction again.
On suggestion:
First sentence: Convention would have you hyphenate phrases like "six-year-old" Not necessarily wrong the way it is but just a suggestion.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Thank you and for your help!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the 75 Word Story writing prompt contest.
Good flash fiction about inquisitive tracie ... it's sweet.
It flows well with descriptive words that paint a clear picture...
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy Blue Rose
"The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid."-- Atticus
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Excellent entry for the 75 Word Story writing prompt contest.
Good flash fiction about inquisitive tracie ... it's sweet.
It flows well with descriptive words that paint a clear picture...
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy Blue Rose
"The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid."-- Atticus
Comment Written 07-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Thank you! Thank you for sharing your poem! :)
Comment from Whitewave
Kids sometimes ask curly questions but understanding forgiveness is one best answered by example rather than definition, especially for a six year old. Dad did his best and Jane seemed to interpret in her own way which came close to an answer.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Kids sometimes ask curly questions but understanding forgiveness is one best answered by example rather than definition, especially for a six year old. Dad did his best and Jane seemed to interpret in her own way which came close to an answer.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Wendy G
I don't think he really explains it very well. Can you adjust it so that the victim offers the gift of forgiveness to the perpetrator who must acknowledge and regret his actions and want to restore the relationship? Nevertheless, good wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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I don't think he really explains it very well. Can you adjust it so that the victim offers the gift of forgiveness to the perpetrator who must acknowledge and regret his actions and want to restore the relationship? Nevertheless, good wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Hi, thank you for your review! Can you please check it again? Is it better? Let me know.
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Yes it is better. Well done. Is it still okay within the word limit?
If it?s too long cut the first paragraph. It?s not necessary as the context makes that clear. You don?t even need to specify her age.
Best wishes.
Wendy
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Thank you!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I don't know. Am I missing something stated in this sentence that I may have missed? "When someone makes a mistake and wants another
chance." ??? ............
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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I don't know. Am I missing something stated in this sentence that I may have missed? "When someone makes a mistake and wants another
chance." ??? ............
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from jessizero
This seventy-five word story was very sweet. I loved the child's explanation of forgiveness. Thank you so much for sharing this here. Best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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This seventy-five word story was very sweet. I loved the child's explanation of forgiveness. Thank you so much for sharing this here. Best wishes to you.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Thank you! I'm happy you enjoyed it.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nice writing, but I'm afraid I don't get it - a major problem with flash fiction. How does 'foregiveness' make things right? To exaggerate for to emphasize the point, in the case of murder.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Nice writing, but I'm afraid I don't get it - a major problem with flash fiction. How does 'foregiveness' make things right? To exaggerate for to emphasize the point, in the case of murder.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
Tough to write a story in 75 words. I admire you for trying and I think you succeeded. You've got a beginning, a middle and an end. There are a couple of places where I think you could have saved words, so you could add more detail about Tracie or her dad if you rewrote.
For example: "Tracie, a six year old girl, wants to know what forgiveness is. She asks her dad." (15 words).
Six-year-old Tracie asks her dad what forgiveness means. (10 words)
"Ah, that is the golden question. You must understand first that not everyone is perfect. When someone makes a mistake and wants another chance," Dad says." (26 words)
Everyone makes mistakes. When we want another chance, we seek forgiveness, Dad replied, patting Tracie's head. (16 words).
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Tough to write a story in 75 words. I admire you for trying and I think you succeeded. You've got a beginning, a middle and an end. There are a couple of places where I think you could have saved words, so you could add more detail about Tracie or her dad if you rewrote.
For example: "Tracie, a six year old girl, wants to know what forgiveness is. She asks her dad." (15 words).
Six-year-old Tracie asks her dad what forgiveness means. (10 words)
"Ah, that is the golden question. You must understand first that not everyone is perfect. When someone makes a mistake and wants another chance," Dad says." (26 words)
Everyone makes mistakes. When we want another chance, we seek forgiveness, Dad replied, patting Tracie's head. (16 words).
Comment Written 06-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2022
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Thank you!
