After The End
a new beginning?28 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Gareth,
Very cool. There's a lot of stuff going on here - a lot of stuff unsaid, that the reader is left to figure out from context. For example, maybe there's no one left to make electricity? You mention that the light inside comes from the stained glass windows - but I got the feeling there may not have been any other option, right? In this post-apocalyptic world?
I could appreciate the priest's name -- Father BLACK. hahaha Reveals a bit about him right from the start.
Funny though that Satan had been following in the PRIEST'S footsteps, rather than the other way around. That seems to say quite a lot about what he's been up to, I think.
I was a little confused when I read this through the first time. So I went and read the other reviews. Then thought about it. And read it a few more times. I do not think I agree with the others. To me, these two seem to be saying, the GOOD guys have left the building, but the churches remain. Those people are now ours to do with as WE please. Let's get to work. It doesn't sounds like the beginning of a new religious movement -unless you're a fan of darkness. But then, I'm wrong a lot.
Still really well written as always. Though I do wish you'd pick a larger font. I always have to magnify your pages. haha!
Thanks!
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Gareth,
Very cool. There's a lot of stuff going on here - a lot of stuff unsaid, that the reader is left to figure out from context. For example, maybe there's no one left to make electricity? You mention that the light inside comes from the stained glass windows - but I got the feeling there may not have been any other option, right? In this post-apocalyptic world?
I could appreciate the priest's name -- Father BLACK. hahaha Reveals a bit about him right from the start.
Funny though that Satan had been following in the PRIEST'S footsteps, rather than the other way around. That seems to say quite a lot about what he's been up to, I think.
I was a little confused when I read this through the first time. So I went and read the other reviews. Then thought about it. And read it a few more times. I do not think I agree with the others. To me, these two seem to be saying, the GOOD guys have left the building, but the churches remain. Those people are now ours to do with as WE please. Let's get to work. It doesn't sounds like the beginning of a new religious movement -unless you're a fan of darkness. But then, I'm wrong a lot.
Still really well written as always. Though I do wish you'd pick a larger font. I always have to magnify your pages. haha!
Thanks!
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Font size seems to be an issue. I wonder if some folks screens are set too small. industry standard is 12. I use 14 or 16 and bold. Hmm... lol
Comment from aryr
I the picture very interesting, G. Not just that but the tale you told was both inspirational, intriguing and very educational. Father Black and the young man had an interesting conversation. I enjoyed the mystery and intrigue behind that conversation. Very well done and greatly enjoyed.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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I the picture very interesting, G. Not just that but the tale you told was both inspirational, intriguing and very educational. Father Black and the young man had an interesting conversation. I enjoyed the mystery and intrigue behind that conversation. Very well done and greatly enjoyed.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Many thanks, my friend. G
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Most welcome, G.
Comment from phill doran
Hello again G,
Story Of The Month thus far, at least as I read it.
Wherever there is faith, there follows doubt. A post-apocalyptic encounter with Christ (who is a young man. Forever I suppose... then again, my mum always said I'd be her baby regardless of my age, I suppose that's how it goes in most families).
Good, tight writing. Swiftly into the atmosphere and with crisp dialogue, as always. A message of hope in the ashes, even for we who do not believe.
A neat piece, with plenty of scope for expansion, if you felt that way inclined.
I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
Having read the other comments, it seems it might be the other fella' - that speaks well of your tale too, if that point is ambiguous. However, being the Worst Christian since Ghengis Khan my impression might not be the most credible.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Hello again G,
Story Of The Month thus far, at least as I read it.
Wherever there is faith, there follows doubt. A post-apocalyptic encounter with Christ (who is a young man. Forever I suppose... then again, my mum always said I'd be her baby regardless of my age, I suppose that's how it goes in most families).
Good, tight writing. Swiftly into the atmosphere and with crisp dialogue, as always. A message of hope in the ashes, even for we who do not believe.
A neat piece, with plenty of scope for expansion, if you felt that way inclined.
I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill
Having read the other comments, it seems it might be the other fella' - that speaks well of your tale too, if that point is ambiguous. However, being the Worst Christian since Ghengis Khan my impression might not be the most credible.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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It is ambiguous. Sometimes I write these things for the responses, to see what folk make of it. I know who it is but this may go on so I'm not saying! lol
Comment from K. Lang-Slattery
Very well done. Great use of dialogue. I'm assuming that the young man represents (perhaps) the devil. Is this correct from your perspective? I like that in the beginning you describe him as a handsome young man, then at the end you refer to him as "young looking."
At any rate, it's an interesting story that has mystery and two well developed characters. Paragraph 2 really builds tension simply by fully describing the turn of the door handle. Love this line: "He," the man nodded upwards, "has well and truly left the building."
I found a couple of minor edits:
. "his head weaving from side to side" I don't understand this description. It reminds me too much of one of those bobble-dolls people put on the dashboard. Do you simply mean he was looking back and forth (to take in everything) as he walked. Perhaps better to describe what he's seeing or looking for.
. "with an occasional cocking of his head." This cocking of the head probably means something specific to you, the writer, but I, again, am unsure of what. Also I'd rather see it as "Occasionally he cocked his head......" It's usually better to use as few ing form words as possible.
. "and slumped down on the pew beside him" Slumped seems too dejected and resigned a way to sit for this young man. I would recommend a more positive or assertive way for him to sit down.
. "He's taken his toys and went home." I actually really love this line, just think it should read "He's taken his toys and gone home." which would make the verbs the work better ( Remove the contraction "He's" and I think you will see what I mean....He has taken and he has gone... not he has went)
. "
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Very well done. Great use of dialogue. I'm assuming that the young man represents (perhaps) the devil. Is this correct from your perspective? I like that in the beginning you describe him as a handsome young man, then at the end you refer to him as "young looking."
At any rate, it's an interesting story that has mystery and two well developed characters. Paragraph 2 really builds tension simply by fully describing the turn of the door handle. Love this line: "He," the man nodded upwards, "has well and truly left the building."
I found a couple of minor edits:
. "his head weaving from side to side" I don't understand this description. It reminds me too much of one of those bobble-dolls people put on the dashboard. Do you simply mean he was looking back and forth (to take in everything) as he walked. Perhaps better to describe what he's seeing or looking for.
. "with an occasional cocking of his head." This cocking of the head probably means something specific to you, the writer, but I, again, am unsure of what. Also I'd rather see it as "Occasionally he cocked his head......" It's usually better to use as few ing form words as possible.
. "and slumped down on the pew beside him" Slumped seems too dejected and resigned a way to sit for this young man. I would recommend a more positive or assertive way for him to sit down.
. "He's taken his toys and went home." I actually really love this line, just think it should read "He's taken his toys and gone home." which would make the verbs the work better ( Remove the contraction "He's" and I think you will see what I mean....He has taken and he has gone... not he has went)
. "
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Manny thanks for the careful read as always. G
Comment from damommy
What wonderful writing! You always tell the best stories and make this reader feel as if I'm there. I must confess that I'm a little confused. Is it Satan talking to Father Black? It seems he said Jesus "took his toys and went home," leaving everything without spirituality. But at the end, he said "spread the word."
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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What wonderful writing! You always tell the best stories and make this reader feel as if I'm there. I must confess that I'm a little confused. Is it Satan talking to Father Black? It seems he said Jesus "took his toys and went home," leaving everything without spirituality. But at the end, he said "spread the word."
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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You are correct. I wonder when God/Jesus have gone and taken those with them, any left behind would be desperate to follow someone, have some hope. Enter the man downstairs.
Comment from papa55mike
Now that's an interesting theory. Left behind after the resurrection of the Saints on a personal level. How doubts can change the outcome of your life. What a wonderfully written story. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Now that's an interesting theory. Left behind after the resurrection of the Saints on a personal level. How doubts can change the outcome of your life. What a wonderfully written story. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Many thanks my friend. G
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading this. Yes, there is always hope and a new beginning. We need to choose that new beginning though. It's not given to us. Thank you for sharing this story with us.
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reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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I enjoyed reading this. Yes, there is always hope and a new beginning. We need to choose that new beginning though. It's not given to us. Thank you for sharing this story with us.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Much appreciated, barbara. G
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
What an imaginative way to show the convoluted role of organized religion and the church even at the end of the world. I enjoyed your story. It is one to make one think. The visual is okay but could be better if it showed the open door to a church. I like you made the font bold, but it also needs to be a tad larger. Many on this site are older and would probably appreciate that gesture. Well-done story!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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What an imaginative way to show the convoluted role of organized religion and the church even at the end of the world. I enjoyed your story. It is one to make one think. The visual is okay but could be better if it showed the open door to a church. I like you made the font bold, but it also needs to be a tad larger. Many on this site are older and would probably appreciate that gesture. Well-done story!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Many thanks.
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You are welcome.
