In The Army
Contest Entry7 total reviews
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Perfection in every way, spelling, grammar, punctuation, spacing and everything. I even liked the story, I just would have liked to read more.
Good job
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2022
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Perfection in every way, spelling, grammar, punctuation, spacing and everything. I even liked the story, I just would have liked to read more.
Good job
Comment Written 22-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Wendy G
A very personal situation of involvement in a war. She is brave, determined and courageous as she is prepared to wait for help. Thank you for sharing this one. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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A very personal situation of involvement in a war. She is brave, determined and courageous as she is prepared to wait for help. Thank you for sharing this one. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 21-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nicely told.
She has killed several terrorists in her belt - This sentence needs reworded for clarity.
A nurse aid came to heal it. - A nurse aid would be a medic in the U.S. Army. a Corpsman, for the Marines. He would not 'heal' it, but 'treat' it.
Was this Iran, or Iraq?
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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Nicely told.
She has killed several terrorists in her belt - This sentence needs reworded for clarity.
A nurse aid came to heal it. - A nurse aid would be a medic in the U.S. Army. a Corpsman, for the Marines. He would not 'heal' it, but 'treat' it.
Was this Iran, or Iraq?
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2022
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Thank you! I have fixed and made the sentence clear. It is Iran.
Comment from lancellot
The theme of a female soldier fighting on the battle field to server her country and preserve freedom is a strong one. I have to this could use more content, more showing, and reshaping of some of the sentences.
I recommend rereading and editing before the voting begins.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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The theme of a female soldier fighting on the battle field to server her country and preserve freedom is a strong one. I have to this could use more content, more showing, and reshaping of some of the sentences.
I recommend rereading and editing before the voting begins.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from kahpot
So many brave and selfless people have fought and died in wars protecting those who cannot fight, an excellent read, very well done and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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So many brave and selfless people have fought and died in wars protecting those who cannot fight, an excellent read, very well done and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Fleedleflump
There's some lovely touches in here but it feels a little unfocused. I think it's too much of a summary rather than an engaging story. It's as though I'm reading your notes rather than the actual manuscript. I believe you have good bones here - would love to read the full piece.
Mike
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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There's some lovely touches in here but it feels a little unfocused. I think it's too much of a summary rather than an engaging story. It's as though I'm reading your notes rather than the actual manuscript. I believe you have good bones here - would love to read the full piece.
Mike
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
Congratulations for posting a work that falls in tandem with the entry requirements of the writing prompt.
Accordingly, your work highlights Garcia, a female soldier in far away Iran; her exploits as a soldier and how her sustaining an injury got her flown out of the war zone for treatment, while her compatriots went on to win the war that continued unabated.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of anecdotes synonymous with the harzards of war.
Excellent work. Bravo.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Congratulations for posting a work that falls in tandem with the entry requirements of the writing prompt.
Accordingly, your work highlights Garcia, a female soldier in far away Iran; her exploits as a soldier and how her sustaining an injury got her flown out of the war zone for treatment, while her compatriots went on to win the war that continued unabated.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of anecdotes synonymous with the harzards of war.
Excellent work. Bravo.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2022
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Thank you!
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Remain Blessed.
