Femme Fatale?
Life Happens!32 total reviews
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Very good, spot on, discussionary description of a "femme fatale." I like the comparison of the two bank's reaction to a request for a loan. It doesn't always depend solely on creditworthiness, that is clear.
Para 20, 2nd sentence: Remove extra space between (know) and (he)
Para 21, 2nd sentence: Add comma after (So)
Para 21, 2nd sentence: Remove extra space between (I) an (decided)
Very clearly written. Absolutely readable, relatable, and fascinating. I am glad to see that both of them did end up in a "good place" at the end.
Great story.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Very good, spot on, discussionary description of a "femme fatale." I like the comparison of the two bank's reaction to a request for a loan. It doesn't always depend solely on creditworthiness, that is clear.
Para 20, 2nd sentence: Remove extra space between (know) and (he)
Para 21, 2nd sentence: Add comma after (So)
Para 21, 2nd sentence: Remove extra space between (I) an (decided)
Very clearly written. Absolutely readable, relatable, and fascinating. I am glad to see that both of them did end up in a "good place" at the end.
Great story.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Gary, thank you very much for the review and the edits! Terry.
Comment from Susan Newell
Terry,
This was a very novel way to approach your story and very enjoyable to read. Sometimes people's stories have overlapping chapters. There are people meant to come into our lives at different times and the depart. There is a real sense of resolve that comes through in each person's story. Thanks for the read.
Sue
on some prize the man may offer. ==> might
She and dad had met him a few times. ==> Dad
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2022
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Terry,
This was a very novel way to approach your story and very enjoyable to read. Sometimes people's stories have overlapping chapters. There are people meant to come into our lives at different times and the depart. There is a real sense of resolve that comes through in each person's story. Thanks for the read.
Sue
on some prize the man may offer. ==> might
She and dad had met him a few times. ==> Dad
Comment Written 30-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2022
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Sue, thank you again for six stars!!! I made the edits, I do wish I had your eye for that, but sadly I don't. I know you read most of my stories, so you know this was a departure for me. I am doing one more that is similar, and I will see if this is something I can continue in the future. Thank you, Terry.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from dmt1967
I loved the his story, her story angle as I felt I got two stories for the price of one. This was a very well thought out plot and I loved the characters. Thank you for sharing and have a great weekend.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2022
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I loved the his story, her story angle as I felt I got two stories for the price of one. This was a very well thought out plot and I loved the characters. Thank you for sharing and have a great weekend.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2022
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Thank you very much for the kind words! Terry.
Comment from Tpa
Great story. I liked your beginning sentence and answering it at the end. It had its low and high peaks, which made the story more interesting. Just one suggestion is to give the central character a name. It would seem less confusing with the two girls telling their story. GOOD WORK.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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Great story. I liked your beginning sentence and answering it at the end. It had its low and high peaks, which made the story more interesting. Just one suggestion is to give the central character a name. It would seem less confusing with the two girls telling their story. GOOD WORK.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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Thank you for the six stars!! Your observation is a really good one. I was conflicted in the writing. I did realize that giving names would be easier. But because it was a secret affair, I went with no names. This was very different for me. I am doing one more, in a few days, but it will have names. Great comments. Terry.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello again Terry I hope your day is going well. Yet another well written and relatable story I've come across a few Femme Fatales in my day or maybe they were just a succubus, who knows?
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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Hello again Terry I hope your day is going well. Yet another well written and relatable story I've come across a few Femme Fatales in my day or maybe they were just a succubus, who knows?
Comment Written 29-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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LOL, thank you very much, and good luck with those succubus!
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is an excellent story, Terry. I love the presentation of his and hers. I've never seen it done before and thought it worked quite well for this piece. You are original with every piece you write, which makes your style exciting and keeps you reading.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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This is an excellent story, Terry. I love the presentation of his and hers. I've never seen it done before and thought it worked quite well for this piece. You are original with every piece you write, which makes your style exciting and keeps you reading.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2022
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John, Thank you for the review, I was trying to do something a little different there. I will do one more like that in a few days, and then see how that goes for the future. Terry.
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
I like the realism of this story. So often we make drama in life and in literature where none is needed. Life is a series of choices, because they are not always happy ones is just reality. And I like a reasonable and happy ending.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2022
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I like the realism of this story. So often we make drama in life and in literature where none is needed. Life is a series of choices, because they are not always happy ones is just reality. And I like a reasonable and happy ending.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2022
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Nancy, thank you for your review, this was departure of topic and style for me. I am glad you saw the drama in the realism of the story. Terry.
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:-)
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written, but all I can say is ... hmm.
It's a story that lacks zip - no suspense, no drama, no action.
His red hair didn't even play a role.
Based on your other writing, you could have zazzed it up, even if you had to embellish the truth.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Well written, but all I can say is ... hmm.
It's a story that lacks zip - no suspense, no drama, no action.
His red hair didn't even play a role.
Based on your other writing, you could have zazzed it up, even if you had to embellish the truth.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Wayne, thanks for reading. The red hair did play a role, a most important role, but if you missed it, I guess I had already bored you at that point, I will try better next time. This was a new style I want to try. I have one more similar that I will post next week, I will see how that one goes, generally, this one has been received okay. But it is about learning. Thanks, Terry.
Comment from jessizero
This story was captivating. It was entertaining, though not expressly happy. I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing it here, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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This story was captivating. It was entertaining, though not expressly happy. I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing it here, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Jessi, wow, thank you for the six stars!!! I tried a new style and different subject matter for me, and I was not sure how that would turn out. I am doing one more next week that is similar, I will see how that goes and if it is something I can expand or do better in the future. Terry.
Comment from Fleedleflump
I love the way you've structured this, flipping between the viewpoints to give us a story in stereo, as it were. Well told, with a little humour and a lot of character. I very much enjoyed.
Mike
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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I love the way you've structured this, flipping between the viewpoints to give us a story in stereo, as it were. Well told, with a little humour and a lot of character. I very much enjoyed.
Mike
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Mike, thank you for your insightful review, I did try something very different for me and I appreciate your comments. Terry.
