When Love Came To Stay
Acrostic poem about a relationship.11 total reviews
Comment from Michele Harber
I normally enter the Love Poem Poetry Contest, but I didn't have time to write something. After reading your entry, I'm so glad I'm not competing with it! You did an amazing job, and doing the love poem as an acrostic will really make it stand out to the judges.
My (perhaps too) ordered mind won't let me write an acrostic without a rhyme scheme, and each line being complete. I wish I had the skill and free thought to make my acrostic lines wrap so a word in the middle of a phrase starts the next line (and matches the next required letter) in the acrostic. You not only possess the skill, but you've mastered it to a T. Great job, and I hope you win the contest!!
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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I normally enter the Love Poem Poetry Contest, but I didn't have time to write something. After reading your entry, I'm so glad I'm not competing with it! You did an amazing job, and doing the love poem as an acrostic will really make it stand out to the judges.
My (perhaps too) ordered mind won't let me write an acrostic without a rhyme scheme, and each line being complete. I wish I had the skill and free thought to make my acrostic lines wrap so a word in the middle of a phrase starts the next line (and matches the next required letter) in the acrostic. You not only possess the skill, but you've mastered it to a T. Great job, and I hope you win the contest!!
Comment Written 01-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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I was worried that there might be some sort of rule that breaking a line to help with a letter-fit might somehow be frowned upon. But you have reassured me with your appreciation. Thank you!
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No rule says each line has to be a phrase or sentence, just that each line has to start with the right letter. You're definitely following the rules, and I've seen some other people do acrostics the way you did - just not as well!
Comment from Mia Twysted
I feel the love and warmth in this piece and then the sadness. It feels like a memory wrapped up in a dream. Something so tender and precious that opened your heart and changed you forever.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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I feel the love and warmth in this piece and then the sadness. It feels like a memory wrapped up in a dream. Something so tender and precious that opened your heart and changed you forever.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thanks for your comments - your interpretation sums up my feelings when I wrote it. The poem is mostly autobiographical but could be a universal poem for those who have loved but are no longer with their beloved, either through death of a partner or the relationship ending (in my case he found a younger woman).
Comment from royowen
This should have been entered in an alliteration contest, you are well aware of poetic devices Jenny, it would be interesting to hear where you learnt of them. It's funny api was writing poetry in songs, long before I joined FS, but it's here that I learnt the terminology, metre and method, beautifully written blessings Roy
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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This should have been entered in an alliteration contest, you are well aware of poetic devices Jenny, it would be interesting to hear where you learnt of them. It's funny api was writing poetry in songs, long before I joined FS, but it's here that I learnt the terminology, metre and method, beautifully written blessings Roy
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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My father used to read poetry to me when I was young, so I developed a sense of rhythm from that. But apart from reading a bit of poetry myself over the years, I've picked up the terminology and variety of expression from being here on FanStory for the past three and a half years. Reading other poet's skilful work, such as your own, has certainly helped me develop.
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I?m so glad you had an influence in your life, he was a good dad and mentor, he taught you you had value.
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... as you do for your daughters
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My dear, dear girls. Thank you Jenny.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is a very good entry, LisaMay. I could have written this about my beloved husband. Love came to stay for us as well and Oh, how I miss him every day. Gone...over ten years now and my love still burns bright! Well done, dear. Good Luck. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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This is a very good entry, LisaMay. I could have written this about my beloved husband. Love came to stay for us as well and Oh, how I miss him every day. Gone...over ten years now and my love still burns bright! Well done, dear. Good Luck. Nancy:)
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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I'm sorry to stir up sad emotions, Nancy. Memories of love burn forever.
Comment from Heather Knight
This is beautiful. I've tried to write acrostic poems (only a couple of times) and they sounded forced. Yours doesn't. It tells a beautiful story using beautiful words and images arranged so perfectly that the result is a captivating work.
I only hope the ending is not autobiographical.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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This is beautiful. I've tried to write acrostic poems (only a couple of times) and they sounded forced. Yours doesn't. It tells a beautiful story using beautiful words and images arranged so perfectly that the result is a captivating work.
I only hope the ending is not autobiographical.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thanks for your feedback on this poem.
Yes, it is mostly autobiographical, although it could be a common experience for many - alone through the relationship ending or through death of the partner. (My guy got a younger woman.)
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Sorry to hear that. Life is complicated. But I'm sure he didn't deserve you.
Comment from cat frenette
I was reading your acrostic thinking "Aw, that's so sweet", until I reach the end of your last stanza and felt your pain.
"Alone again, ageing with alarm," really hit home.
Beautiful story.
It's funny - we seem to have dropped the "e" in "ageing". One of those words we seem to have Americanized instead of keeping the traditional colonial spelling.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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I was reading your acrostic thinking "Aw, that's so sweet", until I reach the end of your last stanza and felt your pain.
"Alone again, ageing with alarm," really hit home.
Beautiful story.
It's funny - we seem to have dropped the "e" in "ageing". One of those words we seem to have Americanized instead of keeping the traditional colonial spelling.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thanks for your review.
The poem is mostly autobiographical, although it could be a common experience for many - alone through the relationship ending or through death of the partner. (My guy got a younger woman.)
I prefer to keep the Australian/New Zealand spelling... it helps to remind readers it is an international writing site.
Comment from Pantygynt
This is an excellent acrostic as it works so well as a love poem especially that single word line, electric. So appropriate and unusual to find such fine writing in an acrostic.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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This is an excellent acrostic as it works so well as a love poem especially that single word line, electric. So appropriate and unusual to find such fine writing in an acrostic.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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I am honoured by your comments, Jim. And delighted by the 6 rating!
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It zis in a class of its own.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A lasting love ending in loneliness as someone has to die first. I enjoyed the lively excitement at the start and the melancholy of memories to finish, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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A lasting love ending in loneliness as someone has to die first. I enjoyed the lively excitement at the start and the melancholy of memories to finish, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thanks Dolly. (This poem is mostly autobiographical; it's a pity he thought he needed a younger woman - our relationship ended when I turned 50. But when it was good it was brilliant.)
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That?s a shame Lisa, a friend of mine married a charismatic man who worked for the BBC, the only problem was that he only wanted young wives and he kept replacing his them a bit like Henry VIII. She never quite got over him and she reported that in his 70s he had an 18 year old wife! I wonder what his secret was? Love Dolly x
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Probably just being charismatic was his secret, making women feel special. Women of any age are drawn to that - but that sure is a big age difference. I wonder what they talk about, with such limited life experience for the 18-yr-old.
Comment from lyenochka
Great acrostic poem which is rich in alliteration. You take us from the wild passions of youth to the time when one is alone after the loved one is gone. My favorite line is "Magic moments amidst the mundane." I think some lose romance expecting too many magic moments and not just living together in the mundane.
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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Great acrostic poem which is rich in alliteration. You take us from the wild passions of youth to the time when one is alone after the loved one is gone. My favorite line is "Magic moments amidst the mundane." I think some lose romance expecting too many magic moments and not just living together in the mundane.
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 26-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2022
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Thank you. This poem came hard on the heels of your alliterative cinquain - we must've been channelling the same vibe.
Comment from Wendy G
That is so clever. A very long acrostic flowing very smoothly, and with vivid meaning and emotion. And the alliteration! Congratulations. I haven't got my renewed supply of sixes yet but it is worthy. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
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reply by the author on 25-Jun-2022
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That is so clever. A very long acrostic flowing very smoothly, and with vivid meaning and emotion. And the alliteration! Congratulations. I haven't got my renewed supply of sixes yet but it is worthy. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2022
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Thanks Wendy. I was remembering the love of my life... he moved on to another unfortunately, but when it was good it was so very good.
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I could tell he meant a lot to you. Silly man ... look what he missed!
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His life turned out just fine - a younger woman and this year he got a knighthood.
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Hmm. Younger is not necessarily better. And a knighthood ... well that's good, but it's not everything. I wonder if deep down he feels he missed keeping something special with you.
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His daughter thinks he should. She and I were close. She lives in Australia now.
