I said WHAT?
You said ....14 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
Great script. I think he's a keeper. Any guy who can see you at your worst and take care of you through it all and still come back for more is some one you want to hold on too.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Great script. I think he's a keeper. Any guy who can see you at your worst and take care of you through it all and still come back for more is some one you want to hold on too.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thank you so much Beth. Yes, that's what she thought! I appreciate your words.
Wendy
Comment from Annmuma
Great contest entry! I've had those seasick bouts on boats and they are no fun. I have been on whale watching trips, but none that ever served food. Imagery is good and the characters are likeable. Good luck in the contest. ann
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Great contest entry! I've had those seasick bouts on boats and they are no fun. I have been on whale watching trips, but none that ever served food. Imagery is good and the characters are likeable. Good luck in the contest. ann
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thank you Ann. I greatly appreciate your supportive review.
Wendy
Comment from Fleedleflump
Aww, I'm glad they're giving it another shot, and it's nice to read your notes and find out it's a truth-adjacent tale :-). Despite the unpleasantness, you've played this as a gentle comedy (unless I'm misinterpreting it!) and that works beautifully. I loved most of the dialogue, although in places your use of speech to indicate actions/what's happening felt a little intrusive ('we're being thrown around quite a lot' sounds like it's being said to us, the reader, for example).
It didn't stop me enjoying the read - it just took me out of things a little, but that might just be me!
Mike
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Aww, I'm glad they're giving it another shot, and it's nice to read your notes and find out it's a truth-adjacent tale :-). Despite the unpleasantness, you've played this as a gentle comedy (unless I'm misinterpreting it!) and that works beautifully. I loved most of the dialogue, although in places your use of speech to indicate actions/what's happening felt a little intrusive ('we're being thrown around quite a lot' sounds like it's being said to us, the reader, for example).
It didn't stop me enjoying the read - it just took me out of things a little, but that might just be me!
Mike
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thank you Mike. I appreciate your insights and thoughts. You?re probably right. I might try adjusting a few bits. (My first script).
Wendy
Comment from LisaMay
Oh yum - my idea of luxury, an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet on a whale-watching tour! The trip turned into a disaster (and I've seen this happen myself when I went on a tour here in NZ)... but luckily your couple got together again. A date on dry land is a safer bet.
To my ear, the dialogue seemed a bit formal at times, not entirely natural, but then I probably speak with more contractions that 'proper English' and you have written the sentences in correct structure.
Corrections:
I was delighted to see Akubra mentioned! (as it is a brand name, it probably should have a capital 'A')
Make sunglasses and sun-glasses consistent (sunglasses)
sun-hat and sun-dress probably don't need to be hyphenated. (hyphenations for adjectives is fine)
Whales 'breach', not 'breech'. Also change breeching to breaching.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Oh yum - my idea of luxury, an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet on a whale-watching tour! The trip turned into a disaster (and I've seen this happen myself when I went on a tour here in NZ)... but luckily your couple got together again. A date on dry land is a safer bet.
To my ear, the dialogue seemed a bit formal at times, not entirely natural, but then I probably speak with more contractions that 'proper English' and you have written the sentences in correct structure.
Corrections:
I was delighted to see Akubra mentioned! (as it is a brand name, it probably should have a capital 'A')
Make sunglasses and sun-glasses consistent (sunglasses)
sun-hat and sun-dress probably don't need to be hyphenated. (hyphenations for adjectives is fine)
Whales 'breach', not 'breech'. Also change breeching to breaching.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2022
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Thank you very much. I?m getting careless - too many errors here with spelling and hyphens. Tim (or his real life person) is a bit posh so he probably did speak more like that on their first date. I think he?s relaxed a bit more now. Lol. But I?ve changed a few bits. Thanks again.
Wendy
