Betrayed
A betrayal of love31 total reviews
Comment from royowen
You know, I agree with you, I've noticed how quickly houses deteriorated when they are untenanted, there seems to be some life connection between, our house is not what it used to be, but our girls don't expect us to sell it. But the day will, but it has been filled with love for many years, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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You know, I agree with you, I've noticed how quickly houses deteriorated when they are untenanted, there seems to be some life connection between, our house is not what it used to be, but our girls don't expect us to sell it. But the day will, but it has been filled with love for many years, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 01-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate your reviews. Hugs
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Most welcome
Comment from Love kristine
I thought it was very nice story, but little hard to follow because I wasn't sure if the narrator was a ghost or if I misread it, I also thought the sentences didn't flow very well. I don't know if I'm the best person to be giving advice though since I am very much a beginner .
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reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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I thought it was very nice story, but little hard to follow because I wasn't sure if the narrator was a ghost or if I misread it, I also thought the sentences didn't flow very well. I don't know if I'm the best person to be giving advice though since I am very much a beginner .
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Thank you and thanks for being honest about your expertise. The other reviewers love the story as it is told from the view point of the house. The people on FanStory love creative stories such as this. Hugs.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed the POV of the house. PBB. You did a great job with
your contest entry. It's filled with great imagery from a time long
gone. Those days required faith and hard work from all to survive.
What a sad ending to a steadfast friend.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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I enjoyed the POV of the house. PBB. You did a great job with
your contest entry. It's filled with great imagery from a time long
gone. Those days required faith and hard work from all to survive.
What a sad ending to a steadfast friend.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 01-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Thank you. I imagine lots of old homes met this same fate. The house in my story did exist and my parents did move there in 1925. I never lived there because I was kid Number 10 and they were living in the other house when I was born. I remember playing in the old house and my brother did tear it down in later years. Hugs.
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❤️🐈⬛
Comment from BethShelby
Thee is something about old houses that make me think of them as having feeling and I often wish wall could talk. The is nicely written piece where you personify the house and tell of it's sad demise. I enjoyed reading it but I almost wanted to shed a tear. Your mom and dad were a nice looking couple.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Thee is something about old houses that make me think of them as having feeling and I often wish wall could talk. The is nicely written piece where you personify the house and tell of it's sad demise. I enjoyed reading it but I almost wanted to shed a tear. Your mom and dad were a nice looking couple.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Thank you. The house was still there when I was growing up. I remember wondering if it was lonely after everyone moved out. Hugs.
Comment from K. Lang-Slattery
Thanks for this fine, short form story told from the POV of a home....not simply a house. I like that the narrator has deep feelings and care for the family. Wonder what it was that caused the family to leave.... it was the middle of WWII so might the reason be so important that the house knows about what caused the family to go elsewhere? Wish you had a photo of the actual house!
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Thanks for this fine, short form story told from the POV of a home....not simply a house. I like that the narrator has deep feelings and care for the family. Wonder what it was that caused the family to leave.... it was the middle of WWII so might the reason be so important that the house knows about what caused the family to go elsewhere? Wish you had a photo of the actual house!
Comment Written 01-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Thank you. I do have one photo of the old house and I debated whether to use the picture or the one of my parents. I didn't want to give the end away so I used the picture of Mom and Dad. They moved out of the house after my grandmother died. The house my grandmoter lived in was closer to the water well so Mom and Dad moved into her old house. My older sister tod me they had to carry all their water from grandmother's house to theirs and it was a goodly distance. I was kid number 10 and never lived in the first house. Anyway, now you know why they moved. Hugs
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Thanks for extra family history. Great stories to tell. PS. I am not overly worried about surprise endings. Plus I'd figured it out the house was speaking by the middle of the piece.
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello prettybluebirds, ouch! I didn't see that ending coming, although the closer I got to the end, the more that I knew something bad was going to happen. Some people are just born bad and ungrateful. Of special note:
I enjoyed Christmas with the smells of pine and cookies being baked. The children seemed happy with whatever they received, even if it was only oranges.
Well chosen photo. As this is a contest entry, I wish you good luck.
LateBloomer
(My Dad was born in this time period, and I recall him saying that many times all they got for Christmas was an Orange and some nuts in a Christmas stocking.)
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Hello prettybluebirds, ouch! I didn't see that ending coming, although the closer I got to the end, the more that I knew something bad was going to happen. Some people are just born bad and ungrateful. Of special note:
I enjoyed Christmas with the smells of pine and cookies being baked. The children seemed happy with whatever they received, even if it was only oranges.
Well chosen photo. As this is a contest entry, I wish you good luck.
LateBloomer
(My Dad was born in this time period, and I recall him saying that many times all they got for Christmas was an Orange and some nuts in a Christmas stocking.)
Comment Written 01-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Thank you. I love to write these short stories with surprise endings. Hugs
Comment from Michele Harber
Wow! Good for you that I didn't realize until the end that this story was being told from the house's perspective. I then went back and re-read it and realized how perfectly it all fit. The ending is sad, not just for what the house endured, but for how closely this relates to how we treat our elderly family members. I know that wasn't an accident, and you handled it well. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Wow! Good for you that I didn't realize until the end that this story was being told from the house's perspective. I then went back and re-read it and realized how perfectly it all fit. The ending is sad, not just for what the house endured, but for how closely this relates to how we treat our elderly family members. I know that wasn't an accident, and you handled it well. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Thank you. My mom and dad did start out in one house on the farm and then moved to the other house after my grandmother died. The reason was that the water well was at grandma's house. They used to carry the water to the old house which was quite a distance. I remember thinking the old house must be lonely. It was still there when I left home but my brother tore it down at some point. Hugs
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Thank you for the background. It does sound as though the house, and you and your family, lived happy lives together.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a great flash fiction story. Your description was spot on, and of course the final decision of one of the current day's adults was cruel. Very well-expressed.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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This is a great flash fiction story. Your description was spot on, and of course the final decision of one of the current day's adults was cruel. Very well-expressed.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Thank you. It was fun to write from the house's point of view. Hugs
Comment from lyenochka
I sensed that this was the house that was narrating the history of the family. I think you're right that there's something about homes that have a living feel to it. Well told in 250 words! Best wishes in the contest!
In your description:
A betrayel of love (betrayal)
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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I sensed that this was the house that was narrating the history of the family. I think you're right that there's something about homes that have a living feel to it. Well told in 250 words! Best wishes in the contest!
In your description:
A betrayel of love (betrayal)
Comment Written 01-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Thank you and thanks for catching the typol. I will edit and correct. Hugs
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What a lovely, lovely story! I do agree with this house, they do have souls. They can feel warm and welcoming, and you just know that home is where you are meant to be. How sad that they bulldozed her!! After all the love the house gave to them. Lol, I really enjoyed reading this. Well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
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reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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What a lovely, lovely story! I do agree with this house, they do have souls. They can feel warm and welcoming, and you just know that home is where you are meant to be. How sad that they bulldozed her!! After all the love the house gave to them. Lol, I really enjoyed reading this. Well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2022
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Thank you. We did have an old house on the farm where I grew up. Our family did start out there then moved to the house closer to the water well. I can remember wondering if the house was lonesome. Hugs.
