Sharing A Moment
We should help when we can. (Freestyle, with rhyming)16 total reviews
Comment from RodG
There is indeed a lesson to end learned by your actions, Lisa. Helping others helps ourselves. I, too, have often learned this from observing Nature's smallest critters. I like the varied rhyme schemes in this poem. Rod
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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There is indeed a lesson to end learned by your actions, Lisa. Helping others helps ourselves. I, too, have often learned this from observing Nature's smallest critters. I like the varied rhyme schemes in this poem. Rod
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Rod. I often sit outside in my yard and notice nature's small goings-on around me.
Comment from Wendy G
That is very tender and very sweet. The perspective on life was totally changed by this moment of observation and help, a real "feel-good " moment, which will not be forgotten. As always I like the inclusion of smooth internal rhyme, and the linked sounds of "helped a beetle battle ..." It's lovely.
Wendy
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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That is very tender and very sweet. The perspective on life was totally changed by this moment of observation and help, a real "feel-good " moment, which will not be forgotten. As always I like the inclusion of smooth internal rhyme, and the linked sounds of "helped a beetle battle ..." It's lovely.
Wendy
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Wendy! The silly beetle kept going the wrong way and making it hard for itself.
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He might have been tired and discombobulated from so many falls, poor little thing.
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Silly thing had wings - why walk when you can fly??
Comment from Averil Drummond
I would have given this more but I don't like the first verse much. I would leave out 'darn' and replace it with something else. I know poetry can't be really universal but I would try and reduce overt Americanisms. 'Repeat', is a bit like that too. (Can I say, if it was another kind of poem it could be fine.) I'd leave out 'or they'. The last line of the second verse is lovely.
'I do not know, I cannot say', hum, I think has been done a few times before. Would leave out 'or' in the last line of that verse for better scanning. Good juxtaposition between first and last verses. I know I am being picky again, and you will join the growing list of people who don't like my reviews. So all the best.
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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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I would have given this more but I don't like the first verse much. I would leave out 'darn' and replace it with something else. I know poetry can't be really universal but I would try and reduce overt Americanisms. 'Repeat', is a bit like that too. (Can I say, if it was another kind of poem it could be fine.) I'd leave out 'or they'. The last line of the second verse is lovely.
'I do not know, I cannot say', hum, I think has been done a few times before. Would leave out 'or' in the last line of that verse for better scanning. Good juxtaposition between first and last verses. I know I am being picky again, and you will join the growing list of people who don't like my reviews. So all the best.
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Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thanks for your time spent on reviewing this. I'd rather an honest review that someone spouting platitudes. Yes, you are being picky, but I think that is what reviewers should be. I don't agree with some of your comments and can justify why I made my choices for the poem, but it is always interesting to hear another's opinion.
I think it is rather funny it appears you have rubbed a growing list of people up the wrong way... some get very precious about their 'talent' and supposedly perfect poems, but I don't. I am a realist - everyone can have their own opinion.
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Well, I'm glad you don't hate me. For myself, I feel the same. Even when I don't agree with what people say in my writing group I can usually see some merit it their criticisms and often make adjustments. So far I haven't had enough criticism on this site.
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Maybe your writing is too good to criticise, or readers feel they lack reviewing skills, or they are fearful about causing offence to you.
It seems that so many people on this site aren't here to learn... I see so many cut-and-paste review comments: the same thing said for wildly varying pieces, just so they can quickly accrue some 'funny money' to promote their own work (and then probably ignore any helpful review comments from others that might point out some flaws and offer advice).
Comment from tfawcus
I love this poem. It says so much by drawing from this one small incident and globalising the message, I wrote a poem on a similar theme a year or two ago, after having rescued a honeybee from a cattle trough. Makes you feel good, doesn't it?
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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I love this poem. It says so much by drawing from this one small incident and globalising the message, I wrote a poem on a similar theme a year or two ago, after having rescued a honeybee from a cattle trough. Makes you feel good, doesn't it?
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thanks for your comments, Tony. You are the honeybee hero!
Comment from Scott Rhodie
Lovely poem with a really nice fluidity to it. The sentiments about helping when we can don't always flow into the reality of life. I've read this and am seeing something different each time. Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Lovely poem with a really nice fluidity to it. The sentiments about helping when we can don't always flow into the reality of life. I've read this and am seeing something different each time. Well done.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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I appreciate your comments, Scott.
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No problem.
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
The objective correlative of your work reminisces the God professed truth that it pays to be helpful to each other, and perhaps, better put, to one another.
The work highlights the imperative of this obligation of humanity and how the protagonist was able to put it into practice by helping an emotionally challenged beetle out of its predicament.
The work earns its texture through its effective approximation of one of the admonitions of Jesus Christ: "love one another... pray for those who persecute you."
Excellent work. Bravo.
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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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The objective correlative of your work reminisces the God professed truth that it pays to be helpful to each other, and perhaps, better put, to one another.
The work highlights the imperative of this obligation of humanity and how the protagonist was able to put it into practice by helping an emotionally challenged beetle out of its predicament.
The work earns its texture through its effective approximation of one of the admonitions of Jesus Christ: "love one another... pray for those who persecute you."
Excellent work. Bravo.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thank you for your appraisal of my poem.
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Remain Blessed.
