Hello
Yes, I can see you reading me!10 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This superpower poem, Hello, seems to want to scare me into believing that this computer screen can hold me hostage here day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night. But -- it can't.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2022
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This superpower poem, Hello, seems to want to scare me into believing that this computer screen can hold me hostage here day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night. But -- it can't.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2022
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Lol, just as well, or I'd be avoiding my computer! Thanks Bill :-)
Mike
Comment from Erika Seshadri
This is so very creative and well-written. It was dark, yet made me giggle. I'm sad I missed the vote on this one... I'll never understand why the voting booth loves that same old fluff poetry so much. *sigh*
Have a great day.
Erika
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2022
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This is so very creative and well-written. It was dark, yet made me giggle. I'm sad I missed the vote on this one... I'll never understand why the voting booth loves that same old fluff poetry so much. *sigh*
Have a great day.
Erika
Comment Written 07-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Erika :-). The cynical part of me thinks I should write a cute piece about love and children and patriotism and god, but of course it wouldn't work for me, lol. I'd rather write what feels right and do as well as I can.
Mike
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Yep. I agree.
Comment from Wendy G
I very much enjoyed reading this and went past the warnings in the second stanza! Lol. It's imaginatively and creatively written and very well done. The only suggestion would be to shorten the last lines to smooth the flow eg
"and menace all poets seeking sleep/through glowing screens, your soul I'll keep!" Just a thought. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2022
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I very much enjoyed reading this and went past the warnings in the second stanza! Lol. It's imaginatively and creatively written and very well done. The only suggestion would be to shorten the last lines to smooth the flow eg
"and menace all poets seeking sleep/through glowing screens, your soul I'll keep!" Just a thought. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 06-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Wendy :-). The last two lines are in pentameter instead of tetrameter, as I wanted to slow things down for the last thoughts - like a time change in a song. I might have left it a bit late in the poem, though, as it does admittedly feel a little jarring. I'm so glad you liked it!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the Super Power writing prompt contest.
You have a great imagination.
It's pretty funny. It would be horrible to have a sociopath reaching out from your cell phone.
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
"The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid" --.Atticus
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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Excellent entry for the Super Power writing prompt contest.
You have a great imagination.
It's pretty funny. It would be horrible to have a sociopath reaching out from your cell phone.
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
"The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid" --.Atticus
Comment Written 06-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Gypsy :-). It might be a bit impenetrable for some, but I had a lot of fun writing it!
Mike
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Now this is a scary superpower. Sounding uncontrollable and relentless. Sometimes I feel I have been hit by this exact "superpower." Like when my favorite online game got hacked and I lost all of my hard-earned game money.
If that was you - GIVE IT BACK!
Good job on a unique superpower.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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Now this is a scary superpower. Sounding uncontrollable and relentless. Sometimes I feel I have been hit by this exact "superpower." Like when my favorite online game got hacked and I lost all of my hard-earned game money.
If that was you - GIVE IT BACK!
Good job on a unique superpower.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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Thanks, Gary :-). Really glad you like it!
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, this is interesting, and you do a good job building a devilish presentation. It reads quick and easy, and your rhymes are good.
I think this will do well in the competition. I do think you may want to actually spell out what your super power actually is.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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Hmm, this is interesting, and you do a good job building a devilish presentation. It reads quick and easy, and your rhymes are good.
I think this will do well in the competition. I do think you may want to actually spell out what your super power actually is.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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Thank you :-). I have to admit, I did worry while I was writing it that it's not explicit about what my power is... Lol, if it gets knocked out of the contest, no worries - it was fun to write either way!
Mike
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A scary write, well metered and rhymed and I am wondering what my fate is now that I digested these words! Ha ha ha, an enjoyable read, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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A scary write, well metered and rhymed and I am wondering what my fate is now that I digested these words! Ha ha ha, an enjoyable read, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 05-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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Thanks, Dolly :-). That's what you get for not cleaning your monitor!
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
What descriptive word is worse than interesting? I am reading at bedtime, and this is not the sort of thing I should be reading at this time. I will be obliged to read another post to still my racing heart, and calm my pounding blood. Positively cruel! Well-written, but cruel.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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What descriptive word is worse than interesting? I am reading at bedtime, and this is not the sort of thing I should be reading at this time. I will be obliged to read another post to still my racing heart, and calm my pounding blood. Positively cruel! Well-written, but cruel.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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lol, sorry, Kate, but thank you for the review :-).
Comment from Gunner Lil
Well written with a super pace causing this read to wanting more. Great flow from line to line. How do you know I don't clean my computer screen? Really enjoyed this fine work.
Thank you!
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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Well written with a super pace causing this read to wanting more. Great flow from line to line. How do you know I don't clean my computer screen? Really enjoyed this fine work.
Thank you!
Comment Written 05-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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Lol, thank you. I know EVERYTHING! ... Or maybe just nobody cleans their computer screens :-)
Comment from Carlos' girl
Hilarious! This poem had me from the first stanza. I really love it. Some real laughs here.
I just have one suggestion; the last; the last stanza is a little off with the metre. Could use a bit of fine tuning.
Otherwise great stuff
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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Hilarious! This poem had me from the first stanza. I really love it. Some real laughs here.
I just have one suggestion; the last; the last stanza is a little off with the metre. Could use a bit of fine tuning.
Otherwise great stuff
Comment Written 05-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much :-). I wanted to do something a bit different when I saw the contest prompt. The last stanza is in pentameter instead of tetrameter, which does give it a discordant tone (like a time change in a song). I may revisit, though, as ending with that makes it feel like an error.
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No, no DONT change it... I had a feeling it may have been a change on purpose and the discordant element is kind of cool! It is perfectly beautiful.
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I reread it and it is like musical change and very cool
