Flowers rhapsody
fantasy10 total reviews
Comment from estory
I think your post is a marvelous surreal journey through an experience of this world, from being focused on yourself to becoming focused on nature at large. The dream like sequence in the flowers where you have the broken arm is like a symbolism of how beauty and beautiful moments can lead maybe to harm for yourself, or lead to a discovery that the nature at large is a bigger thing in entirety than any one individual. There's a bit of ambiguity there. The end was a bit tongue in cheek, as you teach the kids about being gentle in gardening. I liked the sense of humor. A few little nits in the grammar yet, but you are getting more comfortable writing in your discovered language. estory
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I think your post is a marvelous surreal journey through an experience of this world, from being focused on yourself to becoming focused on nature at large. The dream like sequence in the flowers where you have the broken arm is like a symbolism of how beauty and beautiful moments can lead maybe to harm for yourself, or lead to a discovery that the nature at large is a bigger thing in entirety than any one individual. There's a bit of ambiguity there. The end was a bit tongue in cheek, as you teach the kids about being gentle in gardening. I liked the sense of humor. A few little nits in the grammar yet, but you are getting more comfortable writing in your discovered language. estory
Comment Written 07-Jul-2022
Comment from Ric Myworld
Sorry about your broken hand. I was sort of wondering if maybe you punched someone . . . but I'm sure you didn't. I don't read much fantasy, but I have to say, I enjoyed wadding through the flowers. Thanks for sharing.
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Sorry about your broken hand. I was sort of wondering if maybe you punched someone . . . but I'm sure you didn't. I don't read much fantasy, but I have to say, I enjoyed wadding through the flowers. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2022
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I understand trying to type with a broken hand. I broke my wrist last September. Not good. I enjoyed reading and good luck with the contest.
I realized that I was on my own and if I wanted to & I felt that if I get closer to the source, & As I was approaching the point where I felt that there was a brief pause ( omit 'that')
The voice answered: "Because you smelled the roses, that's why you are here."
Doubtful I whispered: "I smelled the roses? When have I done that? Oh, no, me and my bad habit to kiss the dew on the flowers from my garden... yup, I smelled those red roses that were full of an unearthly perfume, and now I am going to meet the beast. My weakness for the flowers got me in trouble." &
"I've been called many things... bitch, whore, stupid... but protector? I guess I can add this to my collection of noble... titles? So, yeah, one protector in coming at your service, my Lord. Tell me how I can help?" As I was speaking, I noticed that I was out of the tunnel." Oh, kill me now, another field of roses!" True to my habit, I run searching for the magic kiss tears from heaven, the dew.
The voice started to laugh, "This is so YOU, Roxanne. We hit the Jack Pot with you. You will make a wonderful ambassador for my cause." &
"Roxanne, please take this message back to your people: "We the flowers protect your realm so stop killing us. If we are no more your planet will disappear. Flowers equals life."
"Sure, prince, I will be your Greta Thunberg and hopefully I will get more luck than her in achieving the saving of my planet." (two dialogues in one paragraph you need two paragraphs.
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I understand trying to type with a broken hand. I broke my wrist last September. Not good. I enjoyed reading and good luck with the contest.
I realized that I was on my own and if I wanted to & I felt that if I get closer to the source, & As I was approaching the point where I felt that there was a brief pause ( omit 'that')
The voice answered: "Because you smelled the roses, that's why you are here."
Doubtful I whispered: "I smelled the roses? When have I done that? Oh, no, me and my bad habit to kiss the dew on the flowers from my garden... yup, I smelled those red roses that were full of an unearthly perfume, and now I am going to meet the beast. My weakness for the flowers got me in trouble." &
"I've been called many things... bitch, whore, stupid... but protector? I guess I can add this to my collection of noble... titles? So, yeah, one protector in coming at your service, my Lord. Tell me how I can help?" As I was speaking, I noticed that I was out of the tunnel." Oh, kill me now, another field of roses!" True to my habit, I run searching for the magic kiss tears from heaven, the dew.
The voice started to laugh, "This is so YOU, Roxanne. We hit the Jack Pot with you. You will make a wonderful ambassador for my cause." &
"Roxanne, please take this message back to your people: "We the flowers protect your realm so stop killing us. If we are no more your planet will disappear. Flowers equals life."
"Sure, prince, I will be your Greta Thunberg and hopefully I will get more luck than her in achieving the saving of my planet." (two dialogues in one paragraph you need two paragraphs.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2022
Comment from BethShelby
This is a cute story. So because you love flowers so much and kiss the dew from the roses, you are rewarded by become the protector of flowers before they vanish from the earth. You teach you children to kiss the dew on flowers. Good luck with the contest. I'm sorry about your hand.
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This is a cute story. So because you love flowers so much and kiss the dew from the roses, you are rewarded by become the protector of flowers before they vanish from the earth. You teach you children to kiss the dew on flowers. Good luck with the contest. I'm sorry about your hand.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2022
Comment from royowen
I've never seen a science fiction story from you Iza, a good attempt in this case, with this hero of Roxanne saving the planet from being destroyed, so good on you Iza, for this little gem, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : I was used to be(ing) on my own.2 : I know (that) sounds crazy.
3: no more (will) your planet (will) disappear
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I've never seen a science fiction story from you Iza, a good attempt in this case, with this hero of Roxanne saving the planet from being destroyed, so good on you Iza, for this little gem, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : I was used to be(ing) on my own.2 : I know (that) sounds crazy.
3: no more (will) your planet (will) disappear
Comment Written 06-Jul-2022
Comment from lyenochka
Well, this was an interesting fantasy story about Roxanne the more successful "Greta" who will help preserve the life-giving flowers. And I couldn't help but think of your broken arm as you wrote this!
Best wishes in the contest!
Comments:
was stacked to the ground fixed (stuck?)
melody of a water (remove 'a')
I picked up a hand of soil (handful)
As reading my mind, (As if)
as magic the pain disappeared, (magically)
Oh. No, so clich�©. (if you use the Advanced Editor, you can get the e-aigu to show up.)
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Well, this was an interesting fantasy story about Roxanne the more successful "Greta" who will help preserve the life-giving flowers. And I couldn't help but think of your broken arm as you wrote this!
Best wishes in the contest!
Comments:
was stacked to the ground fixed (stuck?)
melody of a water (remove 'a')
I picked up a hand of soil (handful)
As reading my mind, (As if)
as magic the pain disappeared, (magically)
Oh. No, so clich�©. (if you use the Advanced Editor, you can get the e-aigu to show up.)
Comment Written 06-Jul-2022
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This was an interesting story, but I thought that Roxanne and the Prince would both have caught the inconsistency that she trampled the flowers madly as she approached the cave. This should either be explained in more detail or deleted. Kate xx
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This was an interesting story, but I thought that Roxanne and the Prince would both have caught the inconsistency that she trampled the flowers madly as she approached the cave. This should either be explained in more detail or deleted. Kate xx
Comment Written 06-Jul-2022
Comment from country ranch writer
7/6/2022------12 :22am.
This is a very classy tale despite your hand messed up.At least you didn't give up before finishing what you started. Yeah!qpQuite a show and tell for us to use our imagination trying to help you get free of the field of colored flowers to find help.Gardens are meant to be enjoyed and loved as Mother Nature has taught us. That every once in awhile we must stop and smell the roses on planet earth.
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7/6/2022------12 :22am.
This is a very classy tale despite your hand messed up.At least you didn't give up before finishing what you started. Yeah!qpQuite a show and tell for us to use our imagination trying to help you get free of the field of colored flowers to find help.Gardens are meant to be enjoyed and loved as Mother Nature has taught us. That every once in awhile we must stop and smell the roses on planet earth.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2022
Comment from country ranch writer
7/6/2022------12 :22am.
This is a very classy tale despite your hand messed up.At least you didn't give up before finishing what you started. Yeah!qpQuite a show and tell for us to use our imagination trying to help you get free of the field of colored flowers to find help.Gardens are meant to be enjoyed and loved as Mother Nature has taught us. That every once in awhile we must stop and smell the roses on planet earth.
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7/6/2022------12 :22am.
This is a very classy tale despite your hand messed up.At least you didn't give up before finishing what you started. Yeah!qpQuite a show and tell for us to use our imagination trying to help you get free of the field of colored flowers to find help.Gardens are meant to be enjoyed and loved as Mother Nature has taught us. That every once in awhile we must stop and smell the roses on planet earth.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2022
Comment from Humza Khan
Wow, this is a great story with some amazing emotive moments.
I really like the prayer and the transition of the covnversation between Roxanne and the voice.
The only reason I didn't give six stars is because I felt that the ending was a tad rushed. Which I know is disheartening after you said you spent several days writing this but it's so close to perfection.
I hope you found the feedback helpful!
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Wow, this is a great story with some amazing emotive moments.
I really like the prayer and the transition of the covnversation between Roxanne and the voice.
The only reason I didn't give six stars is because I felt that the ending was a tad rushed. Which I know is disheartening after you said you spent several days writing this but it's so close to perfection.
I hope you found the feedback helpful!
Comment Written 05-Jul-2022
