Chasing Gnomes
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Chasing Gnomes Ch.10 - Roasting"Dragon Dance Chronicles Book 1
11 total reviews
Comment from royowen
You've heroically managed to describe and handle the battle scene and create something of great imagery in the process Mike. It's a good thing to be able to do. And now being able to describe the aftermath again. Beautifully written Mike, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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You've heroically managed to describe and handle the battle scene and create something of great imagery in the process Mike. It's a good thing to be able to do. And now being able to describe the aftermath again. Beautifully written Mike, blessings Roy
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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Thanks, Roy :-). I love writing action sequences - in the past, to a fault, as they became tedious and that's the opposite of the point!
Mike
Comment from Cindy Warren
This one was so sad. I liked the gobbit. Right till the end I was expecting the gnomes to save him with their magic. I nearly cried when they buried him.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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This one was so sad. I liked the gobbit. Right till the end I was expecting the gnomes to save him with their magic. I nearly cried when they buried him.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Cindy :-). We can only hope something good comes out if it.
Mike
Comment from Jay Squires
Your fantasy scintillates, Mike -- sends hot freakin' sparks off into my imagination.
A few things I noticed:
took three feet of steel and a full size soldier in the face, ["...full-size soldier ..." The rule, as I recall, is that whenever you have two or more adjectives or adverbs modifying a noun, and neither makes sense on its own, you must hyphenate. Two "full soldiers" ... naw ; "two size" soldiers, negatory. Ergo (-) ]
my blood glistening on its blade in the firelight. [Wow!]
"No heroes," whispered my foe as he pulled his sword back again, my blood glistening on its blade in the firelight. [While the image I loved, I have to ask what caused the blood to glisten on the blade? The reason I ask is that "he pulled his sword back again" suggests he had buried it in the protag's body. I don't know, does it need further expansion? I found myself going back to it again and again because I couldn't understand how she could go on fighting with that debilitating wound. I know it's fantasy, but ...]
At any rate, your story was enormous fun to read. Your characters are endearing. I'll certainly be continuing on with your story.
Jay
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Your fantasy scintillates, Mike -- sends hot freakin' sparks off into my imagination.
A few things I noticed:
took three feet of steel and a full size soldier in the face, ["...full-size soldier ..." The rule, as I recall, is that whenever you have two or more adjectives or adverbs modifying a noun, and neither makes sense on its own, you must hyphenate. Two "full soldiers" ... naw ; "two size" soldiers, negatory. Ergo (-) ]
my blood glistening on its blade in the firelight. [Wow!]
"No heroes," whispered my foe as he pulled his sword back again, my blood glistening on its blade in the firelight. [While the image I loved, I have to ask what caused the blood to glisten on the blade? The reason I ask is that "he pulled his sword back again" suggests he had buried it in the protag's body. I don't know, does it need further expansion? I found myself going back to it again and again because I couldn't understand how she could go on fighting with that debilitating wound. I know it's fantasy, but ...]
At any rate, your story was enormous fun to read. Your characters are endearing. I'll certainly be continuing on with your story.
Jay
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much, Jay. It's great when someone sees these scenes with fresh eyes. Because I know what I have in mind, it doesn't necessarily come across. It's meant to be a painful but not debilitating wound, caused by her being distracted, but I need to clarify that a little, methinks! And totally agree on the hyphen.
So glad you're still enjoying, my friend :-)
Mike
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Thrilled to be able to assist, Mike. You are one of three writers on FS who I read differently. I read you EXtensively, rather than INtensively. That is, freed from the need to scour for spag, I relax that faculty, and instead, read detached from minutia and really get into the flow of what I'm reading, allowing setting, mood, character, plot wash over me. When something slows or blocks the flow, warning bells and whistles sound. And with writers like you, suggested changes are likely for something very subtle.
Anyway, I get more out of reading you than you get from my observations.
Jay
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I think it's three for me too - you, Wendy G and Terry B. There are others who're great but usually have some spags, but you and they are the ones I can relax with :-)
Mike
Comment from lyenochka
Ack! You can't kill of Elljay! He's the best character!
I don't like violent scenes but you did manage to present it in an entertaining and sometimes comical way. I was hoping the gnomes would offer something in return for saving them. Hope they can help Roz!
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Ack! You can't kill of Elljay! He's the best character!
I don't like violent scenes but you did manage to present it in an entertaining and sometimes comical way. I was hoping the gnomes would offer something in return for saving them. Hope they can help Roz!
Comment Written 11-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2022
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Poor little EllJay :-(. He was never to find his true purpose in life. Let's hope the Companions can at least finish the mission...
Mike
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Aww, Little John's dead! But even that, you made funny, him wanting to see Roz's boobs, typical man!!!!! Lol. I could really see this as a film, better than Game of Throwns, and I loved that. This has everything, your characters are all loveble, at least, they are to me. Well, we survived that round of fights, well, most of us did, now we are going onwards to the next lot. I've had such fun reading all these. Well done!! Next! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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Aww, Little John's dead! But even that, you made funny, him wanting to see Roz's boobs, typical man!!!!! Lol. I could really see this as a film, better than Game of Throwns, and I loved that. This has everything, your characters are all loveble, at least, they are to me. Well, we survived that round of fights, well, most of us did, now we are going onwards to the next lot. I've had such fun reading all these. Well done!! Next! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much, Sandra. It's fun to have someone catch up a few chapters in a go :-)
Not much left to go now in this tale...
Mike
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I did enjoy reading. I am glad the battle is over and our friends sort of one. They will continue their quest with help so I feel they just might be victorious. I am still wondering about the Bass brothers and Rozlyn.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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I did enjoy reading. I am glad the battle is over and our friends sort of one. They will continue their quest with help so I feel they just might be victorious. I am still wondering about the Bass brothers and Rozlyn.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Barbara :-). We'll have to see what happens with those Bass boys next!
Mike
Comment from Judy Lawless
Oh what a myriad of emotions this chapter creates, Mike! Your imagery, as always, is superb although a tad disturbing. Until the end. Imagining all those characters sitting upon a tiny train to continue their journey is priceless. Another wonderful telling.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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Oh what a myriad of emotions this chapter creates, Mike! Your imagery, as always, is superb although a tad disturbing. Until the end. Imagining all those characters sitting upon a tiny train to continue their journey is priceless. Another wonderful telling.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much, Judy :-). I loved the counterpoint of dark images and violence with the Queen of Gnomes and her happy toy time train, lol. We're getting close to the end of this tale...
Mike
Comment from prettybluebirds
You have a vivid imagination to come up with something like this. I must say that it is a bit unusual and interesting. I have been enjoying the story and look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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You have a vivid imagination to come up with something like this. I must say that it is a bit unusual and interesting. I have been enjoying the story and look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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Thank you :-). I like to throw in something totally bananas every now and then lol. I'm really happy you're enjoying this tale.
Mike
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A fun romp with a mix of horror and humour, your descriptions here gave life to the antics and I am wondering how you know so much about gnomes and their lifestyle? Ha ha ha, a fun post Mike, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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A fun romp with a mix of horror and humour, your descriptions here gave life to the antics and I am wondering how you know so much about gnomes and their lifestyle? Ha ha ha, a fun post Mike, love Dolly x
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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The gnomes ... they haunt my dreams!
Mike
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Ha ha ha x x x
Comment from dmt1967
This is another great chapter and I love the way it has that comical tone to it. I thought it was sad though and would have loved for them all to survive. Thank you for sharing and have a great weekend.
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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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This is another great chapter and I love the way it has that comical tone to it. I thought it was sad though and would have loved for them all to survive. Thank you for sharing and have a great weekend.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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Thank you :-). Poor LittleJohn - he never got to fulfill his potential. I'm so glad you're still enjoying the tale!
Mike
