Sinclair Pickens-Smythe
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Meanwhile . . . "His story
14 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Loved the bumbli g new boatie paragraph to start off this chapter and the 'short keg with legs' image is a good one. Really enjoyed this chapter Yvonne, good to see Sinclair has found friends. Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Loved the bumbli g new boatie paragraph to start off this chapter and the 'short keg with legs' image is a good one. Really enjoyed this chapter Yvonne, good to see Sinclair has found friends. Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much, Valda. I appreciate your time in reading this.
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Yvonne,
I absolutely loved this chapter! You really are a terrific writer and storyteller. A few lines that stuck out for me,
"He'd bought a dinghy under the name of Stanley Parsons and more or less taught himself how to sail it. No one would ever know how he fell overboard and was lucky to catch hold of a rope he'd not secured and get back in the boat. How Arabella would laugh at that. She thought him a completely inept person who could tangle himself up in his necktie." ... (This type of thing happens. It's the reason I would never go out alone on the ocean. You fall overboard, and the boat won't come back for you. It will keep going in whatever direction, and leave you to drown... or be eaten by sharks! Loved the humor with the "necktie".)
Also enjoyed these lines,
"It wasn't long before he looked like a short keg with legs wearing a newsboy hat."
"Until recently, the only tool he was familiar with was his nail clipper."
"For the short time they'd been married, he'd felt he was trapped in a phone booth with a puff adder."
I love the way you've developed the story so far. You've turned Sinclair into a hero, and Arabella into a villain. Every great story needs a hero and a villain... just look at Star Wars. There are heroes and villains in every single movie. Even the robots are heroes! You keep going this way, and your story could be published, I'm sure of it. Possibly even made into a movie. Keep it going. Dig in there, Yvonne!
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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Hi Yvonne,
I absolutely loved this chapter! You really are a terrific writer and storyteller. A few lines that stuck out for me,
"He'd bought a dinghy under the name of Stanley Parsons and more or less taught himself how to sail it. No one would ever know how he fell overboard and was lucky to catch hold of a rope he'd not secured and get back in the boat. How Arabella would laugh at that. She thought him a completely inept person who could tangle himself up in his necktie." ... (This type of thing happens. It's the reason I would never go out alone on the ocean. You fall overboard, and the boat won't come back for you. It will keep going in whatever direction, and leave you to drown... or be eaten by sharks! Loved the humor with the "necktie".)
Also enjoyed these lines,
"It wasn't long before he looked like a short keg with legs wearing a newsboy hat."
"Until recently, the only tool he was familiar with was his nail clipper."
"For the short time they'd been married, he'd felt he was trapped in a phone booth with a puff adder."
I love the way you've developed the story so far. You've turned Sinclair into a hero, and Arabella into a villain. Every great story needs a hero and a villain... just look at Star Wars. There are heroes and villains in every single movie. Even the robots are heroes! You keep going this way, and your story could be published, I'm sure of it. Possibly even made into a movie. Keep it going. Dig in there, Yvonne!
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 14-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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Awwww, bless your heart. You are so encouraging and supportive, and I appreciate that so much. I've kind of written myself into a corner, so we'll see what happens.
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Well, not necessarily a corner. Just a wall. You can go in at least 2 directions. You could develop Sinclair's situation, maybe add a few more characters of the northern town he's living in. Maybe describe what the town is like. Stuff like that. He's working towards his own business. If he's not too far north, he could make friends with a log home builder. Possibly learn how to build a log home for himself in time. I wonder what island he's living on? We have a friend (Trevor Fox) who's working as a chef/hotel manager up in Qikiqtarjuaq, Nunavut. It's a small town on Broughton Island. Not much there except rock and snow, and northern lights. So, if you took the route of Sinclair learning how to build a log home, he'd have to be on an island father south than Trevor. How about Oderin Island in Newfoundland. Lots of trees available there. Oderin Island is an island in the province of Newfoundland and Labrador in western Placentia Bay, located about 30 km northeast of Marystown. Oderin was originally settled by the French who considered it an important fishing post and had fortified it against the English.
The other direction you could take the story is to show how things are going (or not going) for Arabella, the villain!
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Oderin Island won't work. Nobody lives there year round. But Random Island in Trinity Bay might work.
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Thanks for the great tips. I hadn't thought of him building.
Comment from BethShelby
He sounds very contented for now. I would think he might be satisfied to never return. He seems very adept at picking up new skills. I don't blame him for wanting to get away from that horrible lady he was married to. I'm enjoying your story.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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He sounds very contented for now. I would think he might be satisfied to never return. He seems very adept at picking up new skills. I don't blame him for wanting to get away from that horrible lady he was married to. I'm enjoying your story.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much for your support.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-I like the image and the story.
-I enjoyed reading this, and you give
a detailed description of Stanley and
his desire to be accepted in the town.
-A good scene with the land lady
when he needs a place to stay,
but she did have her rules, and
that was okay with Stanley.
-He built up a good following for his business,
and I like the comparison of how he felt
"trapped in a phone booth with a puff adder."
-A good conclusion, too.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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-I like the image and the story.
-I enjoyed reading this, and you give
a detailed description of Stanley and
his desire to be accepted in the town.
-A good scene with the land lady
when he needs a place to stay,
but she did have her rules, and
that was okay with Stanley.
-He built up a good following for his business,
and I like the comparison of how he felt
"trapped in a phone booth with a puff adder."
-A good conclusion, too.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Thank you. That means a lot to me.
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You are very welcome, and I appreciate your reply.
Comment from Loren .
Great chapter and I enjoyed the read, I especially like your tongue-in-cheek humor you spice the story with. Your characters sound real and the action moves along quickly. Love your scene setting, too. I feel as if I were there. Loren
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Great chapter and I enjoyed the read, I especially like your tongue-in-cheek humor you spice the story with. Your characters sound real and the action moves along quickly. Love your scene setting, too. I feel as if I were there. Loren
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Thank you for saying that. Much appreciated.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job, Yvonne, showing some of Sinclair's
endearing personality qualities. I'm happy he's away from
that witch. It seems he's found a great place to start being
himself. Already the people in the community like him, and
he's making a great effort to fit in. Sinclair seems to be a
resourceful individual. I look forward to finding our what's
next in his adventure. Your words flowed smoothly at a good
pace. They created great imagery, too. I could see everything
as I read.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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You did a great job, Yvonne, showing some of Sinclair's
endearing personality qualities. I'm happy he's away from
that witch. It seems he's found a great place to start being
himself. Already the people in the community like him, and
he's making a great effort to fit in. Sinclair seems to be a
resourceful individual. I look forward to finding our what's
next in his adventure. Your words flowed smoothly at a good
pace. They created great imagery, too. I could see everything
as I read.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much for this!
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I like your story, Yvonne. Sinclair is actually beginning to enjoy life now and he is developing a bit of self confidence that was sorely lacking in the past. I am interested where you are taking us now. Write on, Author, write on! Well done. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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I like your story, Yvonne. Sinclair is actually beginning to enjoy life now and he is developing a bit of self confidence that was sorely lacking in the past. I am interested where you are taking us now. Write on, Author, write on! Well done. Nancy:)
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Thank you for your encouragement and support.
Comment from Wendy G
Lovely story, and sometimes a simpler lifestyle can bring much more meaning to life. His marriage has brought him no happiness. Wondering what the next twist will be!
Wendy
Typo: "Mrs Jordan was a delightful landlady ..."
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Lovely story, and sometimes a simpler lifestyle can bring much more meaning to life. His marriage has brought him no happiness. Wondering what the next twist will be!
Wendy
Typo: "Mrs Jordan was a delightful landlady ..."
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Thanks for reviewing. I'll take a look.
Comment from lyenochka
I'm so happy for Sinclair! Finally, he's around people who are decent and good to him! And I also liked "phone booth with a puff adder" to describe his marriage. The only trouble he might have with Mrs. Jordan might be that he'll have to lose some pounds!
I opened as soon as I could so I don't know if you already edited these:
an Inuit widow of fisherman. (a fisherman)
Mrs. Jordan was a lightful landlady (delightful?)
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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I'm so happy for Sinclair! Finally, he's around people who are decent and good to him! And I also liked "phone booth with a puff adder" to describe his marriage. The only trouble he might have with Mrs. Jordan might be that he'll have to lose some pounds!
I opened as soon as I could so I don't know if you already edited these:
an Inuit widow of fisherman. (a fisherman)
Mrs. Jordan was a lightful landlady (delightful?)
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Thanks for catching that. I'm glad you like the story.
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi damommy, Yvonne, real writing. I felt as comfortable reading this story as Sinclair "Stanley" felt sitting in the local saloon. It's amazing how a person can re-create themselves when necessary or desired. While reading this story, I found myself wishing I was there with down-to-earth people. Having a brew might be fun too. It's been a long, long time.
Well done. I'm glad to see you writing again. Xo. Margaret
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Hi damommy, Yvonne, real writing. I felt as comfortable reading this story as Sinclair "Stanley" felt sitting in the local saloon. It's amazing how a person can re-create themselves when necessary or desired. While reading this story, I found myself wishing I was there with down-to-earth people. Having a brew might be fun too. It's been a long, long time.
Well done. I'm glad to see you writing again. Xo. Margaret
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much for this. Your support means a lot.
