Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 63 "Atop the bluff"Musings of an old man - 2022
35 total reviews
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are filled with nature, tranquility, are clear, peaceful, descriptive and creative. I found this poem painting a scene high atop of a bluff. It was serene to read and I pondered on these well expressed words. The last stanza and artwork go so well with the words of this poem.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2022
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The author's words are filled with nature, tranquility, are clear, peaceful, descriptive and creative. I found this poem painting a scene high atop of a bluff. It was serene to read and I pondered on these well expressed words. The last stanza and artwork go so well with the words of this poem.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Anne Johnston
What a beautiful poem, great rhyming and flows nicely. How wonderful to stand on the bluff and view all the wonders of nature around you. Lovely picture of the fawns, they are such beautiful creatures.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2022
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What a beautiful poem, great rhyming and flows nicely. How wonderful to stand on the bluff and view all the wonders of nature around you. Lovely picture of the fawns, they are such beautiful creatures.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2022
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Thank you Anne!
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You are welcome
Comment from Fleedleflump
Your refrain is very effective, and I enjoyed watching how you used it as it descended through the stanzas. There are some gorgeous descriptive phrases in here and an overriding sense of nature's strength and majesty.
Mike
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Your refrain is very effective, and I enjoyed watching how you used it as it descended through the stanzas. There are some gorgeous descriptive phrases in here and an overriding sense of nature's strength and majesty.
Mike
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Thank you Mike, I appreciate it.
Comment from amahra
First, let me say the artwork you chose was very fitting for your writing. And though I liked every line, below are my favorites.
as the golden sun rays turned their coats bronze,
I stand gazing atop a bluff, amazed!
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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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First, let me say the artwork you chose was very fitting for your writing. And though I liked every line, below are my favorites.
as the golden sun rays turned their coats bronze,
I stand gazing atop a bluff, amazed!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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amahra, thank you!
Comment from Michaela Moore
First of all, I want to hug those sweet deer! Your last stanza is incredible. Each word is perfectly chosen and the words you rhyme are impeccable and I love that this is the stanza with the repeated line at the end. Wonderful! I feel like you can continue to work on this piece and get the other stanzas to a fuller delight as well. Stanza one: it bothers me as a reader when a rhyme is made by using the same word. Now I know that viewpoint and standpoint are two totally different words, but the rhyme is formed by the same word, "point." I am not really grabbed by lines 2 and 4 in this same stanza either. I love your line 3! Love it. Perfection. Maybe try and rewrite lines 2 and 4 with a totally new rhyme. Stanzas two and three: nothing specific I see, I just feel like it could be even more poignant. For Stanza 2, it is lines 1 & 3 I feel could be perfected in meaning and diction as well as lines 2 & 4 in stanza 3. This is just my humble opinion. If I didn't see something really special happening in this piece, I wouldn't have taken the time to share suggestions.
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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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First of all, I want to hug those sweet deer! Your last stanza is incredible. Each word is perfectly chosen and the words you rhyme are impeccable and I love that this is the stanza with the repeated line at the end. Wonderful! I feel like you can continue to work on this piece and get the other stanzas to a fuller delight as well. Stanza one: it bothers me as a reader when a rhyme is made by using the same word. Now I know that viewpoint and standpoint are two totally different words, but the rhyme is formed by the same word, "point." I am not really grabbed by lines 2 and 4 in this same stanza either. I love your line 3! Love it. Perfection. Maybe try and rewrite lines 2 and 4 with a totally new rhyme. Stanzas two and three: nothing specific I see, I just feel like it could be even more poignant. For Stanza 2, it is lines 1 & 3 I feel could be perfected in meaning and diction as well as lines 2 & 4 in stanza 3. This is just my humble opinion. If I didn't see something really special happening in this piece, I wouldn't have taken the time to share suggestions.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Michaela, thank you for your endearing comments. I will most certainly pause, breath in the wisdom of your input, and see where my soul is carried to polish this, best regards, JLR
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Michaela, Steeped in thought by this beauty before me, I have taken a stab at a number of suggested considerations, I owe a debt of thanks...JLR
