A June Spring is in the Air
Winter, Spring and Summer~ in two months time44 total reviews
Comment from zanya
These are stanzas which lift the spirit, reflecting on the seasonal shifts and their many interesting aspects - so colorful and told with a pep in its step-thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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These are stanzas which lift the spirit, reflecting on the seasonal shifts and their many interesting aspects - so colorful and told with a pep in its step-thanks for sharing
Comment Written 18-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Hey Zanya, thank you so much for the awesome review, kind comments and your most generous 6 stars. I can't tell you how much it means to me.
Thank you again my friend!
Comment from Paul McFarland
This poem has some real potential. Clean up the meter a little to smooth things out. You have done a good job with rhyme. The last two lines are great.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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This poem has some real potential. Clean up the meter a little to smooth things out. You have done a good job with rhyme. The last two lines are great.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Thanks Paul, I truly appreciate your feedback. These were initially 2 line stanzas, so do you think they would read better that way?
I cleaned it up the best I could w/o ruining the poem
And thanks for your kind review my friend!
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You are using heptameter (seven Feet) to your two line stanzas, and you have modified this by putting those seven feet into two lines. This is the way I do it also. It makes a better looking poem. Stanza four needs to be cleaned up. We'll talk about meter on a later date.
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Hi Paul, you are awesome teacher! I am just working on getting my thought process back after a setback. Can. I ask when you last looked at my poem, because I did do some clean up about 2 hours ago?
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Just looked at it within the last hour. My comments should be relevant to your editing.
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Maybe one more glance my friend? Cuz I'm not sure of my timing. And maybe if you still think that I can do away with the talk about first spring day and first day of spring.
I owe you one Paul!
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I now see what you were trying to do in that fourth stanza. I'm going to give you a quick one off the top of my head to illustrate the meter that you are trying for.
First day of spring is oh so sweet;
First springlike day is sweet.
Let's stop our griping 'bout the cold
And bitch about the heat.
What I have shown you is two lines of iambic heptameter.
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I think you stole my muse!
I've been looking for it for a week. Lol....
That is perfect! I will gladly take that and you my friend are the best! Like I said, I owe you big time! Thanks again my awesome friend!
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One more thing to think about. Some of your first lines start with a soft accent and some with a hard accent. It's best to be consistent, if possible. Maybe more later.
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Yeah I was going back and forth with you and someone else who is very familiar with my style of writing, and she liked what I had done last with the fourth stanza. If this foggy head continues I may have to talk to you again. But the other feedback said she thought the poem was great and could see me feeling it again. I just don't want to move too far off from my style, because it has done so well for me. But that's not to say that I don't appreciate your help. OMGosh Paul, you are awesome and thank you again!
Comment from Fleedleflump
I was enjoying the gentle humour and fun tone of this, and I love that you ended on an all-out joke. Liked the nods to how people will always complain whatever the weather, but how Spring fosters a sense of hope and newness. Excellent write :-)
Mike
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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I was enjoying the gentle humour and fun tone of this, and I love that you ended on an all-out joke. Liked the nods to how people will always complain whatever the weather, but how Spring fosters a sense of hope and newness. Excellent write :-)
Mike
Comment Written 18-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much Mike! Isn't humor the best way to take on the unpleasant things life can hand you? We really did skip Spring this year, but certainly have a Summer of lots of 100+ temps. I so appreciate your very kind review and fun comments my friend.
Comment from karenina
Oh! I didn't see that ending coming! Yikes!
I hope old Jack is wearing protection!
This is adorable... There does seem to be a constant disconnect between the first day of spring and the first spring day!!!
(Love those lines!)
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Oh! I didn't see that ending coming! Yikes!
I hope old Jack is wearing protection!
This is adorable... There does seem to be a constant disconnect between the first day of spring and the first spring day!!!
(Love those lines!)
Comment Written 18-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much Karenina! You are so cute! I loved your Yikes! You'll probably say it again when you figure out who I am. Thank you my sweet friend for the very lovely review and fun comments! You made my day!
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Your new again, anonymous! I can hardly wait!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Your love of spring is evident here and I can identify with your words as the long cold winter takes hold and we yearn for a break, much enjoyed, fine rhymes too, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Your love of spring is evident here and I can identify with your words as the long cold winter takes hold and we yearn for a break, much enjoyed, fine rhymes too, love Dolly x
Comment Written 18-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much Dolly! Isn't humor the best way to take on the unpleasant things life can hand you? We really did skip Spring this year, but certainly have a Summer of lots of 100+ temps. I so appreciate your very kind review and fun comments my friend.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Haha, what a fun poem, Mystery Author. I got a good
laugh. I love the line about going to live with the lizards--
that would be here for sure. Your words are smooth and
are filled with great imagery. Yes, those days can change
from one season to the next in a matter of hours it seems.
You give readers great examples of why you love Spring.
Your picture is perfect--love the half and half of Winter.
Spring.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Haha, what a fun poem, Mystery Author. I got a good
laugh. I love the line about going to live with the lizards--
that would be here for sure. Your words are smooth and
are filled with great imagery. Yes, those days can change
from one season to the next in a matter of hours it seems.
You give readers great examples of why you love Spring.
Your picture is perfect--love the half and half of Winter.
Spring.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 18-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Thank you my sweet friend, I appreciate your helpful feedback more than you could know.. I will change that right away. I'm wondering why they took that premier time to edit away,. I loved that! Anyway thanks again, as I found half my muse today floating in one of my IVs bottles. Haha! Thanks to you and Abby for the great review, kind comments and help, my dear friend.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This is fun and clever too. I find the idea of spring depends on where one lives. I live on the west coast of The United States and close enough so that it never gets too cold or too hot. Almost all the time it is warm and either cloudy or sunny and usually a mixture of them both. We can that high pressure with low visibility.
Every morning it is often foggy and when the fog rolls in it is hard to see. So I don't experience snow or sleet or much rain either.
Thanks for sharing your poem and letting me share as well.
Jesse
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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This is fun and clever too. I find the idea of spring depends on where one lives. I live on the west coast of The United States and close enough so that it never gets too cold or too hot. Almost all the time it is warm and either cloudy or sunny and usually a mixture of them both. We can that high pressure with low visibility.
Every morning it is often foggy and when the fog rolls in it is hard to see. So I don't experience snow or sleet or much rain either.
Thanks for sharing your poem and letting me share as well.
Jesse
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much Jesse! I absolutely love the west coast. We came thru Reno, Lake Tahoe area then followed the coast to Canada before returning to MN. This was Fall of 2019 & enjoyed the Redwoods and so many other sights. So anyway Isn't humor the best way to take on the unpleasant things life can hand you? We really did skip Spring this year, but certainly have a Summer of lots of 100+ temps. I so appreciate your very kind review and fun comments my friend.
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The humor must have been gentle. I am sorry I missed that.
Jesse
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting way to look at Spring. You used very good descriptive words and very good imagery from your words also. Very good imagery from the art work you chose. I would love to see a little snow right now. The temps here are in the 90's and 100's. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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This is a very interesting way to look at Spring. You used very good descriptive words and very good imagery from your words also. Very good imagery from the art work you chose. I would love to see a little snow right now. The temps here are in the 90's and 100's. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much Teri! Isn't humor the best way to take on the unpleasant things life can hand you? You might be a little shocked when you find out who I am, but truly needed to have some fun with this. We really did skip Spring this year, but certainly have a Summer of lots of 100+ temps. We are from MN, but not sure if I ever knew where you were from?
I so appreciate your very kind review and fun comments my friend.
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello author, I love this poem. It made me smile, and your ending really made me laugh. There is so much in the poem that I can relate to. You've expressed all the feeling that I have as I go through the months prior to spring, e.g.
Now it's May, our weather man
forecasts some more snowfalls
(Yes, indeed, he predicts more snow, and all those weather-watchers are so well prepared!)
I especially liked ... all of it, but I'll choose a special few lines:
An April Fools Day snowstorm
isn't funny anymore
(I do remember an April's Fool snowstorm in recent years.)
Of special note:
Loss of daylight gets to me
and Winter brings me down
(Me too! I hate winter, I hate snow, I hate being cold cause it all makes me feel old. I wouldn't mind spending a few months in Florida during the Winter.)
Beautiful artwork choice. A pleasure to read. Silky rhyming. A pleasure to read. As this is a contest entry, I wish you good luck. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2022
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Hello author, I love this poem. It made me smile, and your ending really made me laugh. There is so much in the poem that I can relate to. You've expressed all the feeling that I have as I go through the months prior to spring, e.g.
Now it's May, our weather man
forecasts some more snowfalls
(Yes, indeed, he predicts more snow, and all those weather-watchers are so well prepared!)
I especially liked ... all of it, but I'll choose a special few lines:
An April Fools Day snowstorm
isn't funny anymore
(I do remember an April's Fool snowstorm in recent years.)
Of special note:
Loss of daylight gets to me
and Winter brings me down
(Me too! I hate winter, I hate snow, I hate being cold cause it all makes me feel old. I wouldn't mind spending a few months in Florida during the Winter.)
Beautiful artwork choice. A pleasure to read. Silky rhyming. A pleasure to read. As this is a contest entry, I wish you good luck. LateBloomer
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2022
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You are awesome Margaret! I love hearing the parts that others enjoy, so let me take a stab at it; I especially like, and all those weather watchers are so well prepared. I know a couple right off hand that just can't get enough of hearing the weather..... I loved all your comments as it is so much fun to read your reviews. Thank you so much for the lovely review, fun comments and those beautiful and generous six stars my friend!
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
This is the way I feel. Absence of sunlight is like being in darkness. And the left over snow is a nuisance. You are waiting for the warmth to linger for months. Yet Jack Frost likes to aggravate us. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2022
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This is the way I feel. Absence of sunlight is like being in darkness. And the left over snow is a nuisance. You are waiting for the warmth to linger for months. Yet Jack Frost likes to aggravate us. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much Carolyn for the awesome review and kind and fun words. I can't even handle have the blinds drawn in the Summer to keep the heat out, so where are you from? I'm from MN and it's 102 degrees here this week. So we did miss Spring and went from Winter to Summer this year.
But since it's out of my control, I make fun with it and laugh instead of getting depressed. After all, God gave us the seasons which can all be beautiful.
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Michigan, Kalamazoo. You are welcome.
