Beth
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Beth, Scene 1"Hostage? Maybe. Scared? Slightly. Victim? Never!
29 total reviews
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I suspect the Age of Innocence has come and gone, and that minds have progressively grown as dark as night. If a movie is rated-R, I automatically move on to see what else is playing. Sadly, it seems 90% are rated identically and those that are not rated R would be animated programs indoctrinating our children like the ads at the drive in fifty years ago. Reading this as an intro chapter, I will not return to read more of Beth.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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I suspect the Age of Innocence has come and gone, and that minds have progressively grown as dark as night. If a movie is rated-R, I automatically move on to see what else is playing. Sadly, it seems 90% are rated identically and those that are not rated R would be animated programs indoctrinating our children like the ads at the drive in fifty years ago. Reading this as an intro chapter, I will not return to read more of Beth.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Thanks Tom.
Mike
Comment from Dawn Munro
YIKES! Where is she? Who is he? This was riveting, and I am honestly DRIVEN to find out more! What a compelling script. I haven't read the others you mention, but I sure hope you choose to develop this one!
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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YIKES! Where is she? Who is he? This was riveting, and I am honestly DRIVEN to find out more! What a compelling script. I haven't read the others you mention, but I sure hope you choose to develop this one!
Comment Written 21-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much :-). I had lots of (legitimate) comments about the formatting and layout which had given me a negative feeling about this one, so your encouragement and positive reaction mean more than you know.
Mike
Comment from Alyssa Wilson
I found this piece to be entertaining entirely throughout. The whole time I was trying to figure out the nature of the relationship between the two, so the chained reveal at the end really piqued my interest. I'll be on the lookout for the other scripts as you post!
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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I found this piece to be entertaining entirely throughout. The whole time I was trying to figure out the nature of the relationship between the two, so the chained reveal at the end really piqued my interest. I'll be on the lookout for the other scripts as you post!
Comment Written 21-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Thank you - that's exactly what I was hoping for :-)
Mike
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Mike,
I guess this is purely subjective but I did a screen writing course a while ago through East Anglia Uni with Alex Garland (The Beach). They advised to not over-described the stag management or action sections of the screen play.
I mention this because the first direction bit you include here after Beth's first piece of dialogue is very specific. Great for prose fiction storytelling but less so for screenplays or scripts. The reason being because there has to be room for the director / actor and other departments to ply their trade and offer their artistic interpretation. if it's too specific, it stifles the contribution.
I get wanting to paint that scene for the FanStory crowd but a looser adaption would probably work better for a different venue.
the armour plating of knowledge, - this type of description really has no place in a screenplay or script. It should be more stripped back- this element wouldn't be coming across on the screen.
We've known each other a while, now,- not sure you need the comma before now.
Look into your heart and tell me what you seek.- this reminded me of Lucifer in the programme of the same name (Tell me want you desire).
In the first descriptive bit, you mention her leg dangling to the floor but then in the last descriptive bit, we're told she's manacled. It may be that there needs to be some sort of direction in the first bit so that the lower leg isn't seen. just a thought.
This is good though and I think there's a lot of scope to play around with things. You could really take it anywhere.
The biggest plus are the characters.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Hi Mike,
I guess this is purely subjective but I did a screen writing course a while ago through East Anglia Uni with Alex Garland (The Beach). They advised to not over-described the stag management or action sections of the screen play.
I mention this because the first direction bit you include here after Beth's first piece of dialogue is very specific. Great for prose fiction storytelling but less so for screenplays or scripts. The reason being because there has to be room for the director / actor and other departments to ply their trade and offer their artistic interpretation. if it's too specific, it stifles the contribution.
I get wanting to paint that scene for the FanStory crowd but a looser adaption would probably work better for a different venue.
the armour plating of knowledge, - this type of description really has no place in a screenplay or script. It should be more stripped back- this element wouldn't be coming across on the screen.
We've known each other a while, now,- not sure you need the comma before now.
Look into your heart and tell me what you seek.- this reminded me of Lucifer in the programme of the same name (Tell me want you desire).
In the first descriptive bit, you mention her leg dangling to the floor but then in the last descriptive bit, we're told she's manacled. It may be that there needs to be some sort of direction in the first bit so that the lower leg isn't seen. just a thought.
This is good though and I think there's a lot of scope to play around with things. You could really take it anywhere.
The biggest plus are the characters.
All the best
G
Comment Written 21-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Thank you :-). I do agree about scene setting, but my early reviews asked for more description so I added some. My intent with the dangling leg was that we can see one leg is down but not far enough to see the chain. Must make that clearer!
Glad you liked the characters - that's obviously the key point at this stage, and yes - I have several ideas of where it could go!
Really appreciate the thoughtful response and time taken, my friend.
Mike
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Yep, that's the FanStory crowd. Most folk write them on site with the added description because screenplays / scripts tend to be more bare bones. It doesn't make for good reading, though, and folk need to realise the difference! lol
Comment from Michaela Moore
Thrillingly CREEPY! And the ending of this scene surprised me so much! I love when literature surprises me! And mystery and thrillers are my favorite genre to read! I can't wait to read the other two to see which one grabs me the most. Your writing is so exciting! Every single time! You say the best things in the most unique ways, and it is new and fresh and exciting and (dare I say it again...yes, I think I shall) THRILLING! Yowza! If you do decide to write this one after sharing the other two, please give this one a much better title.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Thrillingly CREEPY! And the ending of this scene surprised me so much! I love when literature surprises me! And mystery and thrillers are my favorite genre to read! I can't wait to read the other two to see which one grabs me the most. Your writing is so exciting! Every single time! You say the best things in the most unique ways, and it is new and fresh and exciting and (dare I say it again...yes, I think I shall) THRILLING! Yowza! If you do decide to write this one after sharing the other two, please give this one a much better title.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much, Michaela :-). Indeed, the title is a placeholder for now. I did wonder about a title around d Therapist/The rapist, but that's not the plot angle I was going for so it would just be a cheap pun and too dark. I love the idea of the rug pull at the end - not necessarily negating the impression of a therapy session, but at least putting a twist on it.
So glad you liked it!
Mike
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is certainly an unusual but interesting script. It seems she is a prisoner but then one has to wonder if she is playing the scene the way he wrote it. Is she trying to earn her freedom?
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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This is certainly an unusual but interesting script. It seems she is a prisoner but then one has to wonder if she is playing the scene the way he wrote it. Is she trying to earn her freedom?
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Carol :-). I've intentionally left it so I could go a few different ways with the plot and characters, so if this one goes forward, I'll see where Beth and Dennis lead me!
Mike
Comment from Tina Crute
I didn't want to like this, at the beginning, due to the language, but I had to know what her problem was. I felt I was privy to something private, like a stranger's Dr's appointment. What a surprise that the doctor, or whoever he is, needs a shrink!
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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I didn't want to like this, at the beginning, due to the language, but I had to know what her problem was. I felt I was privy to something private, like a stranger's Dr's appointment. What a surprise that the doctor, or whoever he is, needs a shrink!
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Tina :-). Apologies if I went a bit far. I wanted her to seem unlikeable, so the end reveal is more interesting - is she really that way, or just trying to push buttons? Who's playing who?
Mike
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She seemed unlikeable at first, then I liked her towards the end because she sounded desperate:( Yeah, it was hard to tell who was playing who,lol!
Comment from royowen
I had to have a laugh at this, you and I have made the same philosophical journey, I too deal mentally with the ironic. But I was mercifully led into a reality which really does work for me, excepting my own limitation, The ignominy of the eternal can't be grasped by the existential human mind, that's why I love writing, there is an answer, but not a navigable one to the human mind, it's another dimension. Great script though, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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I had to have a laugh at this, you and I have made the same philosophical journey, I too deal mentally with the ironic. But I was mercifully led into a reality which really does work for me, excepting my own limitation, The ignominy of the eternal can't be grasped by the existential human mind, that's why I love writing, there is an answer, but not a navigable one to the human mind, it's another dimension. Great script though, blessings Roy
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Thanks, Roy :-). I needed Beth to be provocative so the reveal that she's actually a prisoner held more weight. Of course, that doesn't mean I didn't have fun writing her dialogue!
Mike
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Well done
Comment from lyenochka
Is this your first script shared here? I'm glad you're writing scripts. This one has me confused. You do have good dialogue and personality comes through in that I can hear their voices. I think you can give us more information about the setting and more about the situation in the cast of characters. (How old are they? What does the room look like?) All I can get from this scene is a crazy, manipulative prisoner meeting with a shrink.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Is this your first script shared here? I'm glad you're writing scripts. This one has me confused. You do have good dialogue and personality comes through in that I can hear their voices. I think you can give us more information about the setting and more about the situation in the cast of characters. (How old are they? What does the room look like?) All I can get from this scene is a crazy, manipulative prisoner meeting with a shrink.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Thank you! I believe this is my fourth script since I rejoined, although the first that's potentially a longer story. I was hoping to let the reader decide a lot of the details such as detailed looks and ages etc, although I will add some more contect as it's a bit bare currently (as you rightly point out).
Mike
Comment from John Ciarmello
This one is intriguing. I'm already into the characters, and the plot line has drawn me in too deep to dismiss it. I guess I'll have to hold my breath and read the others, lol. Thanks for the added stress in my life, Mike! Loved it!
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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This one is intriguing. I'm already into the characters, and the plot line has drawn me in too deep to dismiss it. I guess I'll have to hold my breath and read the others, lol. Thanks for the added stress in my life, Mike! Loved it!
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Lol, thanks John. I like to write provocative characters, so I'm glad I got your attention! We'll see how this develops if it goes forward (there are a few ways I can take it!)
Mike
