The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "The Return Chapter 30"Erotic Turmoil
34 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
The truth is finally told. This chapter gives the lying disappointment of a mother, father, and son. The suspense builds up after each paragraph is written. So, so good.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2022
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The truth is finally told. This chapter gives the lying disappointment of a mother, father, and son. The suspense builds up after each paragraph is written. So, so good.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2022
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Aw, thank you for catching up, Rosemary, that is so kind of you. And I love your review! Thank you, dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from judiverse
It's clear to Miles now. Meg's father was deliberately ruined by Miles's father and his lawyer. The lawyer reflects on the suffering he inflicted on Meg's family. Miles's parents realize they are in serious trouble. He has proof of their wrong-doing. His mother's reaction was really over the top. She acted so high and mighty. Lord and Lady Brandon seem to be playing the blame game. They're really turning on each other. Excellent work. Sorry to be so late getting to this. I'm behind with reviewing. judi
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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It's clear to Miles now. Meg's father was deliberately ruined by Miles's father and his lawyer. The lawyer reflects on the suffering he inflicted on Meg's family. Miles's parents realize they are in serious trouble. He has proof of their wrong-doing. His mother's reaction was really over the top. She acted so high and mighty. Lord and Lady Brandon seem to be playing the blame game. They're really turning on each other. Excellent work. Sorry to be so late getting to this. I'm behind with reviewing. judi
Comment Written 29-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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Hi Judy, thank you so much for this lovely review. I was beginning to think I'd never get on here again!!! You'll understand when you read my review of dear Bertha. Thanks for reading, dear friend. I'll be late posting tomorrow, it might go over to Monday! Love and hugs, Sandra xxxxx
Comment from Cindy Warren
Yes, I think they could be in serious trouble. They're not going to be able to cover things up any more. Will they be able to get Meg's money back? Hope so, since it seems Miles is about to be disinherited.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Yes, I think they could be in serious trouble. They're not going to be able to cover things up any more. Will they be able to get Meg's money back? Hope so, since it seems Miles is about to be disinherited.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much, Cindy, for this lovely review. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part. Miles is working on finding out what happened to the estate. We'll soon find out! Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
Loved this instalment, it's all kicking off. lol
He'd always believed his sweet Meg's father had been weak, irresponsible, and plain selfish for using his estate to fund his gambling addiction. - I had to read this a couple of times to get the proper gist. Personally I'd omit some of the modifiers. I'd remove 'his sweet' entirely. It's used a lot and I'm not sure it's necessary (this is where I stumbled thinking his was misplaced). Given there's three descriptors later on about her father as well, I think there's too many descriptors for the one sentence.
It's lucky for you that you did. Keep it safe, we're bound to need it later.- Miles is very trusting here. i think I'd have taken it with me!
As for being my mother, you gave up the right to call yourself that, years ago. - I don't think you need the final comma here.
Lord Brandon turned his wrath onto Miles. - maybe use directed his wrath at Miles.
You ungrateful, spiteful man!- I think something more personal might be in order here. Maybe Child or boy rather than man? Man seems too dispassionate and detached.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022
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Hi Sandra,
Loved this instalment, it's all kicking off. lol
He'd always believed his sweet Meg's father had been weak, irresponsible, and plain selfish for using his estate to fund his gambling addiction. - I had to read this a couple of times to get the proper gist. Personally I'd omit some of the modifiers. I'd remove 'his sweet' entirely. It's used a lot and I'm not sure it's necessary (this is where I stumbled thinking his was misplaced). Given there's three descriptors later on about her father as well, I think there's too many descriptors for the one sentence.
It's lucky for you that you did. Keep it safe, we're bound to need it later.- Miles is very trusting here. i think I'd have taken it with me!
As for being my mother, you gave up the right to call yourself that, years ago. - I don't think you need the final comma here.
Lord Brandon turned his wrath onto Miles. - maybe use directed his wrath at Miles.
You ungrateful, spiteful man!- I think something more personal might be in order here. Maybe Child or boy rather than man? Man seems too dispassionate and detached.
All the best
G
Comment Written 28-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022
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Hi Gareth. I have, at last, caught up with all your brilliant edits. You've pointed out things that I didn't think of in each chapter. What I've done is make all the edits on my MS copies, because I had to change paragraphs, take parts out, put bits in, to put the chapters right. Now I've gone through them all, I'll copy and paste the corrected parts in full chapters, so they don't go wrong. Thank you for all the edits in all the chapters, my friend. I would be lost without you! Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
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Glad it helps.
Incidentally, I'm halfway across the Irish sea right now on my way to Liverpool. I'm driving down to Cambridge to see my in-laws - not my idea! lol
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LOL!! I'm sure it was you're loving it! Have a lovely time. :))
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is an emotionally tense chapter, Sandra, and very well written to show those emotions as they change with evidence. The dialogue is great. I found no errors. Very well done. I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2022
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This is an emotionally tense chapter, Sandra, and very well written to show those emotions as they change with evidence. The dialogue is great. I found no errors. Very well done. I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2022
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I'm so glad you enjoyed this part, Judy. Your review is so encouraging, and the sixth star is a bonus. We are getting closer to finding the person responsible for Meg's murder, and trying to stop it. Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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You?re most welcome, Sandra. I love this story.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra.
Things are certainly coming to a stormy head as the facts begin to come clear. The big reveal scene is very well done.
Miles has one nasty family. I wonder how he turned out so well.
We still don't know who the murderer might be, which is good, but the choices are narrowing. Not sure what the author notes imply. Meg doesn't seems like someone who would commit suicide and cutting the saddle strap
wouldn't guarantee anything but bruises. LOL
Don't think you need the comma here.
Then to learn his mother was also involved in this swindle[,] had all been one hell of a shock. Miles closed his eyes. His head was pounding.
Well done once again.
Best wishes.
Robert
Hope you continue to improve. Has is Graham doing?
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2022
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Hello Sandra.
Things are certainly coming to a stormy head as the facts begin to come clear. The big reveal scene is very well done.
Miles has one nasty family. I wonder how he turned out so well.
We still don't know who the murderer might be, which is good, but the choices are narrowing. Not sure what the author notes imply. Meg doesn't seems like someone who would commit suicide and cutting the saddle strap
wouldn't guarantee anything but bruises. LOL
Don't think you need the comma here.
Then to learn his mother was also involved in this swindle[,] had all been one hell of a shock. Miles closed his eyes. His head was pounding.
Well done once again.
Best wishes.
Robert
Hope you continue to improve. Has is Graham doing?
Comment Written 27-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much, Robert. It took a while to write this part, but I enjoyed doing it. No, the murderer is still unknown, but Bessie and Margot are getting closer to finding out. I'm looking forward to the big reveal. Thanks for picking up that comma, I've removed it. :))
I'm so pleased you enjoyed reading this one, and giving my your thoughts on it. And a big hug, my friend, for the golden star!
Graham is doing well, he only had a mild dose of Covid because he'd had both boosters, I wasn't eligible until after tomorrow. I'll be booking my appointment on Friday.
The authors notes had nothing to do with Meg's murder. After I'd had Miles tell his parents they could be charged with instigating Meg's father suicide. I checked on Google to see if it was possible and in many circumstances, it seems, you can!
Thanks again, my friend. I really appreciated it all. Warm hugs, Sandra xxxx
Comment from estory
Terrific chapter. I loved this scene between Miles and his parents; it was sharply focused, the dialogue seethed with emotion, and all the intrigue between the parents to ruin Miles chance at happiness comes bursting to the open. The dialogue is just a hurricane. Great job there. It also has great polish on it. a first class chapter in all respects. estory
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2022
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Terrific chapter. I loved this scene between Miles and his parents; it was sharply focused, the dialogue seethed with emotion, and all the intrigue between the parents to ruin Miles chance at happiness comes bursting to the open. The dialogue is just a hurricane. Great job there. It also has great polish on it. a first class chapter in all respects. estory
Comment Written 27-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2022
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What a lovely review, Estory, thank you so very much! I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part. I'm gradually sorting out the possible murderer. Not long now! Thanks so much for the sixth star, too, my friend, I really appreciate both review and the stars. Warm hugs, my Sandra xxx
Comment from Fleedleflump
This is a well handled chapter. I like that you escalate the discussion from denial through anger and into release, with the Brandon's clearly bursting to take things out on one another. Few notes below - all extremely minor. I very much enjoyed :-)
Mike
Spag notes:
'But it was, and he must deal with it.' - this rings a little odd. I'd either replace 'must' with 'had to' or add 'knew he' before 'must'.
'She then clutched her heart and fell back' - I'd be inclined to remove 'then' because it took me out of the scene - it sounds more like a stage direction than a description.
'Lady Branford sat up, her heart attack forgotten' - she's remarried since she sat down! (sorry, couldn't resist :-))
'Both Lord and Lady Brandon froze. Suddenly realising what they were saying.' - I think this should all be one sentence: 'Both Lord and Lady Brandon froze, suddenly realising what they were saying.'
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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This is a well handled chapter. I like that you escalate the discussion from denial through anger and into release, with the Brandon's clearly bursting to take things out on one another. Few notes below - all extremely minor. I very much enjoyed :-)
Mike
Spag notes:
'But it was, and he must deal with it.' - this rings a little odd. I'd either replace 'must' with 'had to' or add 'knew he' before 'must'.
'She then clutched her heart and fell back' - I'd be inclined to remove 'then' because it took me out of the scene - it sounds more like a stage direction than a description.
'Lady Branford sat up, her heart attack forgotten' - she's remarried since she sat down! (sorry, couldn't resist :-))
'Both Lord and Lady Brandon froze. Suddenly realising what they were saying.' - I think this should all be one sentence: 'Both Lord and Lady Brandon froze, suddenly realising what they were saying.'
Comment Written 26-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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Thank you so very much for this lovely review, Mike, AND for noticing Lady Branford, Lol!! Why I did that, I haven't a clue, but I'm grateful to you for pointing it out! Your other suggestions have been taken up, too, and I've made the corrections. Thanks for all of this, my friend. Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from dmt1967
Another great chapter. So full of action that it had me at the end of my seat waiting for what will happen next. I really enjoyed reading it it and felt my excitement build up. Thank you for sharing and have a great week.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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Another great chapter. So full of action that it had me at the end of my seat waiting for what will happen next. I really enjoyed reading it it and felt my excitement build up. Thank you for sharing and have a great week.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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Thank you so very much, Jackie, for this really nice review, and the golden star!! I'm delighted you enjoyed this part. Warm hugs, my friend! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from alexisleech
Bravo! What a wonderful chapter. Every described movement and facial expression, proved, yet again, what an accomplished writer you have become, Sandra. You take the reader to the room as clearly as if they were watching a film, which makes reading your work such a pleasure.
I can't wait to read on and find out what happens next!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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Bravo! What a wonderful chapter. Every described movement and facial expression, proved, yet again, what an accomplished writer you have become, Sandra. You take the reader to the room as clearly as if they were watching a film, which makes reading your work such a pleasure.
I can't wait to read on and find out what happens next!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 26-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2022
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Aww, what a lovely review, Alexis, thank you so very much! I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part, I had fun writing it. And I'm sending you a humongous hugs for the sixth star! You've made my day. Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
