Without Purpose-Without Time
Coping32 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
hi John,
This is really good. keeping things tight and personal is a good choice. You can tell a much bigger story within the confines a small personal one just as well as going for the BIG stuff. Often times, as here, it's much better for it.
very nice
I sat at the kitchen table and placed a hesitant hand on my phone / I tossed the phone on my bed and closed the door. - there's no movement on Johnny's part during thee call from the kitchen table to the bedroom.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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hi John,
This is really good. keeping things tight and personal is a good choice. You can tell a much bigger story within the confines a small personal one just as well as going for the BIG stuff. Often times, as here, it's much better for it.
very nice
I sat at the kitchen table and placed a hesitant hand on my phone / I tossed the phone on my bed and closed the door. - there's no movement on Johnny's part during thee call from the kitchen table to the bedroom.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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Hi, G,
Thank, you for reading. Ahh, I did miss that movement from the table to the bedroom. I will go in and revisit. Thanks for the kind words and stars, means much. I agree with you on the long drawn-out stories. I'm a short story guy. Usually the shorter the better for me. I don't miss as many mistakes that way, lol.
Comment from Wendy G
Wow! What a compelling read! I can't think of how one could feel more alone than in that set of scenarios, personal, community and national. Very powerful writing, with enough detail to make it very authentic. Loved your thought-provoking last line. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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Wow! What a compelling read! I can't think of how one could feel more alone than in that set of scenarios, personal, community and national. Very powerful writing, with enough detail to make it very authentic. Loved your thought-provoking last line. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Wendy, for the great review and for the SIX stars! I appreciate it coming from you. I'm happy you enjoyed this.
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A very worthy entry, John. Hope you do well.
Wendy
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Thank you, Wendy!
Comment from country ranch writer
7/30/2022--------12:20 am thus is very sad indeed so much to bear in one's life giving up of family member regaining her mind and now you drinking to forget it all now listening to the worst news of all time.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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7/30/2022--------12:20 am thus is very sad indeed so much to bear in one's life giving up of family member regaining her mind and now you drinking to forget it all now listening to the worst news of all time.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much for the great review and the SIX! I'm happy you enjoyed it.
Comment from Jay Squires
You rock! I have nothing to add to or subtract from your theme, John. You Rock!
A few things I noticed as I read:
You know that Richard and I couldn't have children as well as I do. [This sentence slowed my comprehension. I figured it out (that Glenda and Richard couldn't have children as well as Glenda could ... was not taking me in the right direction. But to save your other readers the time ... you might consider: "You know as well as I do that Richard and I couldn't have children."]
and rubbed the wet from my eyes. [ Love it!]
My gaze followed his as we searched the sky for what I prayed to God we wouldn't see. [You just hooked a 185-pounder!]
Cindy bower descended her porch stairs, [Capitalize "Bower"]
with no apparent goodbyes'. [Goodbyes is plural, not possessive. No apostrophe needed.]
You have the same fears as I, apparently. Of course, your story made my fears moot -- living as I do in California. The vaporization was painless -- I will say that.
Keep writing meaningful and beautifully crafted pieces like this, my friend. Only, wait until after midnight on Saturday (EST), so I have a six!
Jay
i
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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You rock! I have nothing to add to or subtract from your theme, John. You Rock!
A few things I noticed as I read:
You know that Richard and I couldn't have children as well as I do. [This sentence slowed my comprehension. I figured it out (that Glenda and Richard couldn't have children as well as Glenda could ... was not taking me in the right direction. But to save your other readers the time ... you might consider: "You know as well as I do that Richard and I couldn't have children."]
and rubbed the wet from my eyes. [ Love it!]
My gaze followed his as we searched the sky for what I prayed to God we wouldn't see. [You just hooked a 185-pounder!]
Cindy bower descended her porch stairs, [Capitalize "Bower"]
with no apparent goodbyes'. [Goodbyes is plural, not possessive. No apostrophe needed.]
You have the same fears as I, apparently. Of course, your story made my fears moot -- living as I do in California. The vaporization was painless -- I will say that.
Keep writing meaningful and beautifully crafted pieces like this, my friend. Only, wait until after midnight on Saturday (EST), so I have a six!
Jay
i
Comment Written 30-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Jay! I'm happy you enjoyed the read. I keep forgetting about the Saturday 12midnight replenishing of stars, but like I said before, your honorable mention is enough for me. Yes, I thought Glenda's dialogue sounded a bit funky there, lol. Thanks again, Jay.
Comment from Aussie
Your very professional story deserves a six ****** only have a virtual. I liked the way you started with a whisky and in reality many would do the same under the circumstances. What you have written is coming. Already the superpowers are pawing the ground. To be alone in that situation would be terrifying, what to do? Blessings, K XX
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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Your very professional story deserves a six ****** only have a virtual. I liked the way you started with a whisky and in reality many would do the same under the circumstances. What you have written is coming. Already the superpowers are pawing the ground. To be alone in that situation would be terrifying, what to do? Blessings, K XX
Comment Written 30-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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Thank you, K, for the great review and, of course, the virtual SIX. It is much appreciated, and I'm afraid it is coming. Best, JohnC
Comment from irishauthorme
Powerful! This could read as a preview of "What is Coming."
Russia and China pairing up, for one reason: Obliterate the United States!
One detriment to their union is that they harbor very different ideologies that clash with each other. There is also a deep distrust between them.
We have many free nations that stand with us in the event of all out war.
We will prevail!
irish
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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Powerful! This could read as a preview of "What is Coming."
Russia and China pairing up, for one reason: Obliterate the United States!
One detriment to their union is that they harbor very different ideologies that clash with each other. There is also a deep distrust between them.
We have many free nations that stand with us in the event of all out war.
We will prevail!
irish
Comment Written 30-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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Thank you, my friend, Irish, for the kind words. It means much! Best JohnC
Comment from Mary Vigasin
This is well-written and cleverly done. First, having dementia isolates him from his mother's mind. Next, he is alone, and viewing his neighbors from afar, leaving them flat was clever as it further separates him and leaves him alone.
Then in the end, the world is coming to an end due to nuclear war.
Best wishes,
Mary
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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This is well-written and cleverly done. First, having dementia isolates him from his mother's mind. Next, he is alone, and viewing his neighbors from afar, leaving them flat was clever as it further separates him and leaves him alone.
Then in the end, the world is coming to an end due to nuclear war.
Best wishes,
Mary
Comment Written 30-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Mary, for a great review and also for your supportive words. It's all much appreciated. I'm so happy you enjoyed it!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Coping
Without Purpose-Without Time
John Ciarmello
Yes there were a number of characters in your story
What I like to be as way to make so many thoughts to enter your mind
The best part in your story I found when you
were facing reality when
An unfinished glass of whisky sat on the end table next to me, a remnant from the night before and a world ago. I shot it back, and it burned, but I needed to feel something. I looked at the empty glass in my hand, and the 9 a.m. hour seemed to matter for the millisecond before I got up and poured another. I sat at the kitchen table and placed a hesitant hand on my phone. I needed to hear my father's voice. I knew he'd have the answers, but - I swiped a number and switched my phone to speaker.
Gert
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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Coping
Without Purpose-Without Time
John Ciarmello
Yes there were a number of characters in your story
What I like to be as way to make so many thoughts to enter your mind
The best part in your story I found when you
were facing reality when
An unfinished glass of whisky sat on the end table next to me, a remnant from the night before and a world ago. I shot it back, and it burned, but I needed to feel something. I looked at the empty glass in my hand, and the 9 a.m. hour seemed to matter for the millisecond before I got up and poured another. I sat at the kitchen table and placed a hesitant hand on my phone. I needed to hear my father's voice. I knew he'd have the answers, but - I swiped a number and switched my phone to speaker.
Gert
Comment Written 30-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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Thank you Gert, for the great review and for the SIX stars! much appreciated. I'm happy you enjoyed it.
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You are most welcome
John Ciarmello
Gert
Comment from Cass Carlton
This is the most "alone" person I have ever imagined. His father has apparently died and his mother is lost in the depths of dementia. He sits in his living room, drinking stale whisky as the TV newsman relates how many million people have been destroyed in nuclear explosions over California, Oregon and Nevada. Poor man! how real this is (or could be). Poor us!! cheers Cass
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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This is the most "alone" person I have ever imagined. His father has apparently died and his mother is lost in the depths of dementia. He sits in his living room, drinking stale whisky as the TV newsman relates how many million people have been destroyed in nuclear explosions over California, Oregon and Nevada. Poor man! how real this is (or could be). Poor us!! cheers Cass
Comment Written 30-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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Thank you Cass, for the great review and comments. I'm happy you enjoyed it.
Comment from LJbutterfly
Oookay. I'm down in the dumps, because I'm reminded that this story is possible. Each character was developed just enough for the reader to understand John's observations and feelings. I especially liked the realistic dialogue between Ben, John, and Glenda.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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Oookay. I'm down in the dumps, because I'm reminded that this story is possible. Each character was developed just enough for the reader to understand John's observations and feelings. I especially liked the realistic dialogue between Ben, John, and Glenda.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2022
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Thank you, LJB, for the SIX stars. I'm happy you enjoyed it.
