Jessica's Story
A story about my granddaughter.39 total reviews
Comment from WalkerMan
Welcome to FanStory, Sarah. You will be among caring friends here.
If your heartwarming story about your close relationship with Jessica is true, you should change its category to Nonfiction. Editing a post will not cause loss of reviews or ranking. You may edit a post multiple times without harm.
I have read your reviews so far received; so I'll not mention the few typos those reviewers found, which are not yet corrected. However, in paragraph 4, sentence 3, there is an unintended line break between "if" and "we" that should be replaced by a single space.
It is evident from your replies to reviewers pointing out typos, etc., that you are serious about improving your writing. Accordingly, I am assigning a star rating based solely on the quality of the story itself, which, as a grandfather, I greatly enjoyed: Superb.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Welcome to FanStory, Sarah. You will be among caring friends here.
If your heartwarming story about your close relationship with Jessica is true, you should change its category to Nonfiction. Editing a post will not cause loss of reviews or ranking. You may edit a post multiple times without harm.
I have read your reviews so far received; so I'll not mention the few typos those reviewers found, which are not yet corrected. However, in paragraph 4, sentence 3, there is an unintended line break between "if" and "we" that should be replaced by a single space.
It is evident from your replies to reviewers pointing out typos, etc., that you are serious about improving your writing. Accordingly, I am assigning a star rating based solely on the quality of the story itself, which, as a grandfather, I greatly enjoyed: Superb.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Thank you WalkerMan, I truly appreciate your comments. I think you are right about changing the catagory. And, I need some editing help. Again, thanks,
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You are most welcome, Sarah.
I see you corrected the category for this post, and am pleased to know that it is a true story.
You need not wait to make corrections in the text. Doing so will keep later reviewers from flagging the same item(s), thereby raising your star rating in some cases.
I look forward to reading more of your writing. :)) -- Mike
Comment from LJbutterfly
Welcome to FanStory, and congratulations on your first post. You will love it here where writers help writers and we all learn and grow. You've written a beautiful story about Jessica. It's listed at the top of the page as fiction, but it sounds real, which is the best kind of fiction. You write like a wise grandmother full of love and understanding. I look forward to reading more of your work.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Welcome to FanStory, and congratulations on your first post. You will love it here where writers help writers and we all learn and grow. You've written a beautiful story about Jessica. It's listed at the top of the page as fiction, but it sounds real, which is the best kind of fiction. You write like a wise grandmother full of love and understanding. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Thank you LJbutterfly for your kind words. I hit the wrong buttons and have now corrected to Non-fiction, Biography. Thanks for your input.
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
This was a great story. And I see this is your first post. You are also a fantastic writer with a heart as well. Your granddaughter is a lucky girl to have you. I look forward to reading your work. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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This was a great story. And I see this is your first post. You are also a fantastic writer with a heart as well. Your granddaughter is a lucky girl to have you. I look forward to reading your work. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Thank you Carolyn. Your support is greatly appreciated. I look forward to reading and enjoying a learning experience!
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Yes. You are welcome.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a lovely story and shows you have great talent. Congratulations on your first posting. There are a few little problems that you can easily fix by going to MY POST, go to edit it, and when done go to bottom to accept it. You have a broken line after . . . "Jessica asked if . . . Jess asked (odd period) her dad . . . Your parents would miss you so much that (odd apostrophe) they would . . . Keep on writing. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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This is a lovely story and shows you have great talent. Congratulations on your first posting. There are a few little problems that you can easily fix by going to MY POST, go to edit it, and when done go to bottom to accept it. You have a broken line after . . . "Jessica asked if . . . Jess asked (odd period) her dad . . . Your parents would miss you so much that (odd apostrophe) they would . . . Keep on writing. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Thank you Carol. I appreciate all the help you gave me. It is always great to have another pair of eyes. Can't wait to read some of your work.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oops --typos -- an extra period out of place here -- "Jess asked(.) her dad if he had lived..."
And there's a partial quote mark out of place here -- "Your parents would miss you so much that (')they..."
Wow, this was simply lovely! I enjoyed every rich word. Did you mean to list it as fiction? It seems like nonfiction to me. Very touching!
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Oops --typos -- an extra period out of place here -- "Jess asked(.) her dad if he had lived..."
And there's a partial quote mark out of place here -- "Your parents would miss you so much that (')they..."
Wow, this was simply lovely! I enjoyed every rich word. Did you mean to list it as fiction? It seems like nonfiction to me. Very touching!
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Thanks Ideasare gems for your kind words. And, I appreciate your help. It is always great to have another pair of eyes. I am thrilled to be with a group who supports and helps each other.
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
Welcome to FS !!!
You have landed in an extraordinary place
with a large community of talented writers
and poets.
You will receive a plethora of comments,
suggestions, and constructive criticism.
I am astounded by how much I have grown
poetically since joining in Feb. 2022.
This is a good story.
You have a complete beginning, middle, and
ending.
My suggestions are merely about formatting.
I have been taught that dialogue gets its own
line, not placed within the paragraph.
Also, I might shorten the paragraphs themselves.
May double spacing ??
Just one writer's opinion.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Welcome to FS !!!
You have landed in an extraordinary place
with a large community of talented writers
and poets.
You will receive a plethora of comments,
suggestions, and constructive criticism.
I am astounded by how much I have grown
poetically since joining in Feb. 2022.
This is a good story.
You have a complete beginning, middle, and
ending.
My suggestions are merely about formatting.
I have been taught that dialogue gets its own
line, not placed within the paragraph.
Also, I might shorten the paragraphs themselves.
May double spacing ??
Just one writer's opinion.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
Thank you ever so much for your comments, I am still learning and appreciate all help! Sarah
Comment from Terry Broxson
Sarah, Congratulations on your first post! And welcome to FanStory. The story you told about Jessica is beautifully written. I look forward to reading many more of your work. Good work! Terry.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Sarah, Congratulations on your first post! And welcome to FanStory. The story you told about Jessica is beautifully written. I look forward to reading many more of your work. Good work! Terry.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Thank you ever so much for all your help. You have opened a whole new world for me! Sarah
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You are welcome
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Thanks, Terry for your comments. I was afraid that my writing would not be good enough. I appreciate the confidence you gave me!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job, Sarah, with your beautiful story. I enjoyed
reading it. I felt as if you were telling me personally about your
awesome granddaughter, Jessica. You shared with her great
wisdom while she shared as only a young child could at the
time. The art choice worked well.
Thanks for sharing this uplifting story, Jan
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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You did a great job, Sarah, with your beautiful story. I enjoyed
reading it. I felt as if you were telling me personally about your
awesome granddaughter, Jessica. You shared with her great
wisdom while she shared as only a young child could at the
time. The art choice worked well.
Thanks for sharing this uplifting story, Jan
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Thanks Janny for the kind words Forgive me if I wrote you last night. This has been so exciting for me. I probably forgot to hit save. I appreciate all your help and I know I will learn a lot.
Comment from Fleedleflump
This is a wonderful ode to your granddaughter, who sounds amazing :-). I like that you let events speak for themselves without embellishments.
Mike
Spag notes:
'Actually, her eyes aren't brown; They are chocolate' - full stop would be better than the semi colon.
'more beautiful than Cinderells' - typo on Cindarella
'And, of course we bought it' - missing full stop
'On my next visit to Maryland 'Jessica asked' - apostrophe should be a comma
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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This is a wonderful ode to your granddaughter, who sounds amazing :-). I like that you let events speak for themselves without embellishments.
Mike
Spag notes:
'Actually, her eyes aren't brown; They are chocolate' - full stop would be better than the semi colon.
'more beautiful than Cinderells' - typo on Cindarella
'And, of course we bought it' - missing full stop
'On my next visit to Maryland 'Jessica asked' - apostrophe should be a comma
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Mike, Thank you so much! This is my first post. I will make the changes that you suggested. Your review has encouraged me. Sarah
