The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "The Return Chapter 33"Erotic Turmoil
35 total reviews
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
  |
 A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review. |
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
-
Thank you so very much! I appreciate this so much! :) Sandra xx
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
You have created a very intense chapter here. How these two women can keep from their disguises is beyond one's imagination. I cannot wait to read the next chapter.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2022
 |
You have created a very intense chapter here. How these two women can keep from their disguises is beyond one's imagination. I cannot wait to read the next chapter.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2022
-
Aw, thank you so much for catching up, Rosemary! That is so nice of you. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this chapter, it was such a fun one to write. Also, a big thank you for the golden star, that was very generous of you, you've been so kind. Thank you, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Begin Again
So moving and gut-wrenching.... You really have your finger on the pulse of this moment and have written it perfectly. I am so proud of every single word and emotion you have shared with us. It's awesome! On I go....
Hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2022
|
So moving and gut-wrenching.... You really have your finger on the pulse of this moment and have written it perfectly. I am so proud of every single word and emotion you have shared with us. It's awesome! On I go....
Hugs, Carol
Comment Written 23-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2022
-
That is great praise coming from you, dear Carol. I rate you as one of the top novelists on this site, and miss your writing. I know you have a lot on your mind at the moment, but that won't last and soon you'll be writing again. Thank you dear friend for this and the golden star. You're spoiling me! Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
-
You deserve it all!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
Excellent turn of events and development here. Love it.
Couple of things-
The walls were permeated from years of pipe-smoking and cigars,- consider using with rather than from here.
. Let's rectify that and let some fresh air in.' She went over and was about to pull the curtain, when, without warning, her arm was pulled back and- change in font boldness or colour here. (there's at least one other occurrence later on too)
I think there's a little more adverb usage creeping in in this instalment, especially early on. Some in close succession. It's not excessive by any means but keep an eye on it.
While some made way for her, others tried to stop her going any further. - usually farther for physical distance.
Just before the door closed, Margot saw Meg wrapped in Miles arms. - Miles'.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
|
Hi Sandra,
Excellent turn of events and development here. Love it.
Couple of things-
The walls were permeated from years of pipe-smoking and cigars,- consider using with rather than from here.
. Let's rectify that and let some fresh air in.' She went over and was about to pull the curtain, when, without warning, her arm was pulled back and- change in font boldness or colour here. (there's at least one other occurrence later on too)
I think there's a little more adverb usage creeping in in this instalment, especially early on. Some in close succession. It's not excessive by any means but keep an eye on it.
While some made way for her, others tried to stop her going any further. - usually farther for physical distance.
Just before the door closed, Margot saw Meg wrapped in Miles arms. - Miles'.
All the best
G
Comment Written 22-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
-
Hi Gareth.
I've made the corrections that were easy to do on here. I'll do a 'find and replace' on my MS Copy for the adverbs, and make the changes. I can't find any words in bold, though. I'll check again because it might be my eyes.
Thanks again, my friend, for another really helpful review. I think I have only 2 chapters left, possibly 3.
Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Very interesting, though a bit confusing for someone just coming into the series. I am putting it together slowly though. It seems Margot has several personalities. Am I right? But I can't place Bessie as one of those personalities, so I still have the problem of where Bessie came from.
End of chapter 32:
Para 2, 3rd line: (mention) should be (mentioned)
Para 2 states Margot: (I need to do this ... alone.') but then in Para 4 Meg wanted to enter, then in Paragraph 5 Bessie (sniffed loudly) Who actually went in the room? Meg is within Margot? Personality wise or spiritual?
Para 4, 2nd sentence: Remove comma between (eyes) and (and)
Para 5, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (hand) and (but)
CHAPTER 33
Para 7, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (change) and (and)
Para 25, 5th sentence: Remove comma between (Miles) and (when)
Para 28, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (Margot) and (and)
Para 30, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (nodded) and (and)
Para 33, 2nd sentence: Remove comma between (it) and (but)
Para 34, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (her) and (and)
Para 34, 2nd sentence: Remove comma between (her) and (and)
Para 37, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (her) and (and)
Para 36, 3rd sentence: Add comma between (moment) and (a)
Para 39, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (Bessie) and (and)
CHARACTERS
Bessie: (Bessie,) should be (Bessie:) And MAYBE remove (is) Make this character description consistent with format of others.
Lord Richard Crawley: Remove comma between (suicide) and (but)
What I have been able to gather tells me this a deep, mysterious story unfolding. I will have to get myself caught up as fast as possible.
Very intriguing
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
|
Very interesting, though a bit confusing for someone just coming into the series. I am putting it together slowly though. It seems Margot has several personalities. Am I right? But I can't place Bessie as one of those personalities, so I still have the problem of where Bessie came from.
End of chapter 32:
Para 2, 3rd line: (mention) should be (mentioned)
Para 2 states Margot: (I need to do this ... alone.') but then in Para 4 Meg wanted to enter, then in Paragraph 5 Bessie (sniffed loudly) Who actually went in the room? Meg is within Margot? Personality wise or spiritual?
Para 4, 2nd sentence: Remove comma between (eyes) and (and)
Para 5, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (hand) and (but)
CHAPTER 33
Para 7, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (change) and (and)
Para 25, 5th sentence: Remove comma between (Miles) and (when)
Para 28, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (Margot) and (and)
Para 30, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (nodded) and (and)
Para 33, 2nd sentence: Remove comma between (it) and (but)
Para 34, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (her) and (and)
Para 34, 2nd sentence: Remove comma between (her) and (and)
Para 37, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (her) and (and)
Para 36, 3rd sentence: Add comma between (moment) and (a)
Para 39, 1st sentence: Remove comma between (Bessie) and (and)
CHARACTERS
Bessie: (Bessie,) should be (Bessie:) And MAYBE remove (is) Make this character description consistent with format of others.
Lord Richard Crawley: Remove comma between (suicide) and (but)
What I have been able to gather tells me this a deep, mysterious story unfolding. I will have to get myself caught up as fast as possible.
Very intriguing
Comment Written 17-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
-
Thank you so much for reading this part, Gary, and for all the edits. I shall get right on to them. There are only three/four chapters left, so it wouldn't be easy to explain it in a few words now. But I'll try...
You're right, it is quite a deep story. The mystery is Meg was murdered and shouldn't have been. Bessie is an enigma who belongs at no specific point in time, and Margot, who is the mirror image of Meg, has been brought back from the future to help Bessie stop the murder. So many suspects have gradually been removed, and Margot and Bessie are running out of time to find the would be murderer. Now that I've completely confused you (and myself) I shall go and sort out those edits!!! Lol. Thank you, Gary, it was very good of you to come in at this point. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
-
Wow, some kind of deep, convoluted, mysterious, science fiction story. You must have had and are still having a ball writing it. How do you keep all those twisted relationships straight? That in itself should warrant a six-star rating.
Excellent story and thanks for the little backstory, it really did help. It cleared up Bessie for me anyway.
Thanks, Gary M
-
I'm planning a series of stories with Bessie. I can do anything with her. The readers seem t have taken to her funny ways. Possibly because she is a mystery herself. Lol. Thanks, Gary. xx
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Faith gives courage, confidence, belief, so plans are made, one after another, after all, catching the murderer is the matter, now the question is how we are going to get Meg to help us catch her murderer for we know her death is supposed to happen soon; well said, well done, post god speed more, share post not 4 self-joy-pride but 4 God and readers worldwide Alcreator Litt Dear (DR)
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
|
Faith gives courage, confidence, belief, so plans are made, one after another, after all, catching the murderer is the matter, now the question is how we are going to get Meg to help us catch her murderer for we know her death is supposed to happen soon; well said, well done, post god speed more, share post not 4 self-joy-pride but 4 God and readers worldwide Alcreator Litt Dear (DR)
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
-
Thank you so much, Alcreator Litt Dear, for another lovely review! I'm so pleased you are enjoying my story, and thank you for your continued support. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Ulla
Hi Sandra, this is a very clever chapter, dramatic as it is. You've managed to get Margot out of Meg's body, so if anything should go wrong with their plan, Margot won't die if Meg should do. Exciting stuff. A big hug Ulla xxxx
By the way, we are far away from being out of the woods. The fires are out of control. What is happening here is frightening. I will be posting an update soon. My bags are still packed. Please don't worry about your family down on at the coast. If it reached there, I would be long homeless.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
|
Hi Sandra, this is a very clever chapter, dramatic as it is. You've managed to get Margot out of Meg's body, so if anything should go wrong with their plan, Margot won't die if Meg should do. Exciting stuff. A big hug Ulla xxxx
By the way, we are far away from being out of the woods. The fires are out of control. What is happening here is frightening. I will be posting an update soon. My bags are still packed. Please don't worry about your family down on at the coast. If it reached there, I would be long homeless.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
-
I've been so worried about you, Ulla. Have you spoken to Alexis? I told her what's happening, and she was as worried as me. I'm glad you have a bag packed, make sure you have all your important documents as well. We had our first rain in weeks, the heat has totally dried the earth and now we have floods because it won't sink into the soil. One thing after another. Take care and keep us informed how it's going.
Thank you so much for your lovely review, dear friend, and the golden star. It will be interesting to see how the three of them get on. Thanks for reading this chapter, I know you have a lot on your mind. Love you lots, my friend. Sandra xxx
-
No, I haven't spoken to Alexis of late. I can never get hold of her. I wish she would WhatsApp a bit more. I miss speaking to her.
I know the weather all over is out of order. My update will explain how it is here and what is going on. A big hug. Lots of love, Ulla xxxx
-
I hadn't heard much from her all the while she had her company there. He's gone now, so she should have more time now. xxx
-
Thanks a lot for that update. I will try to get hold of her. Lol. I'm so sorry being so distracted at the moment. Nights are the worse. The smell of smoke is thick in the air and the skies are reddish where it's burning. I'm not a happy chappy at the moment.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
A marvelous chapter for the book. It felt like The Powers That Be pulled
Margot back away from the window.
And now, another fine twist, to have Meg split away from Margot just before they found out for sure who the murderer is. Plan two? I suspect there is no plan two, they'll have to make one up as they go.
Of course, now there are three who can try to prevent the upcoming devilry.
Poor Margot, loses her soul mate, but me thinks the author will rectify this in coming chapters. I have my own suggestion, but I'll wait to see what Agatha
Mitchell comes up with. :)
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
|
Hello Sandra,
A marvelous chapter for the book. It felt like The Powers That Be pulled
Margot back away from the window.
And now, another fine twist, to have Meg split away from Margot just before they found out for sure who the murderer is. Plan two? I suspect there is no plan two, they'll have to make one up as they go.
Of course, now there are three who can try to prevent the upcoming devilry.
Poor Margot, loses her soul mate, but me thinks the author will rectify this in coming chapters. I have my own suggestion, but I'll wait to see what Agatha
Mitchell comes up with. :)
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
-
Lol, no there wasn't a plan two, but I'm working on it! Lol. I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter, Robert, I did enjoy writing it. I love it that it surprised everyone. As for Margot? Hmmm. The last chapter has been in draft stage for a few weeks now, I'm just working my way to it. Not long now. Thank you so very much for this lovely review and the golden star, I appreciated both. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This was really a huge shift in the story to have the two women separate from the one body they had shared. The big problem is that it is still two days before Meg is murdered. Maybe with two people watching over her, her chances of surviving are twice as good. Or maybe not.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
|
This was really a huge shift in the story to have the two women separate from the one body they had shared. The big problem is that it is still two days before Meg is murdered. Maybe with two people watching over her, her chances of surviving are twice as good. Or maybe not.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
-
We are getting close to the end now, Carol, and so much is going to happen. I am so glad you liked this chapter, even though everyone is saying it was something they hadn't expected. I love that! Thank you so very much for the lovely review and a big hug for the golden star!! Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, I must say, I never expected this to happen, well sort of, but not exactly. Of course, you like to see us readers stumped or caught off guard. And truthfully, I enjoy it too. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
|
Well, I must say, I never expected this to happen, well sort of, but not exactly. Of course, you like to see us readers stumped or caught off guard. And truthfully, I enjoy it too. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
-
Lol, you really made me laugh, Ric. I think a lot of my readers were caught off guard. I love it, too! Thank you so much for this really fabulous review, and the golden star! I'm over the moon that you enjoyed it. Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
-
Even your long distance hugs give me butterflies! Right back at ya! :-)
-
Oow. I do like that!! 🥰
