A Mother's Greatest Fear
A child has a bad accident.11 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Oh, geez. The call no mom wants to get, ever! This was a very bad accident... I cringe when I think how serious his injuries were and how lucky he was to survive -- with great fast thinking by his friends no doubt! A punctured lung! Did you EVER let him go swimming again?
(Oh, I know you did, it's the mom in me talking!)
Karenina
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Oh, geez. The call no mom wants to get, ever! This was a very bad accident... I cringe when I think how serious his injuries were and how lucky he was to survive -- with great fast thinking by his friends no doubt! A punctured lung! Did you EVER let him go swimming again?
(Oh, I know you did, it's the mom in me talking!)
Karenina
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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That was a scary day. My son is now retired and father of two adult children. He gets to do the worrying now. Life has been good to us and we survived.!
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Do you ever suffer the "but for..." complex? But for the assistance of his friends, and the fast medical attention, what a horrible end this would have been!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
A parent's worst nightmare "Go to the emergency room!"
Good writing. Well told.
I hope and trust that this story came out of the past and that all is well now.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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A parent's worst nightmare "Go to the emergency room!"
Good writing. Well told.
I hope and trust that this story came out of the past and that all is well now.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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Thank you Wayne for your kind words. The story did come out of the past. I appreciate your support. Sarah
Comment from royowen
We never know what fate awaits us, there is nothing to warn us, except perhaps for the odd premonition, or a perceptive alert to danger. But this is a great little story and a fortunate boy, with many stitches surviving thanks to the alert boy Scott, thank the heavens for people like him, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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We never know what fate awaits us, there is nothing to warn us, except perhaps for the odd premonition, or a perceptive alert to danger. But this is a great little story and a fortunate boy, with many stitches surviving thanks to the alert boy Scott, thank the heavens for people like him, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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Thank you, Roy for your kind words. I appreciate your support and help. Can't wait to read some of your work. Sarah
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Well done Sarah
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
When my son got his license, it had been four days afterwards when he wrecked and totalled his car. Someone called us from the nearby service station. They knew who he was. When I arrived, he was on a stretcher getting into the ambulance.
At the hospital, as I ran to see him, the police stopped me and said, "Momma, you do not want to see him."
I was escorted to the hall. My son had a terrible head injury.
What I remember seeing looked as if a basketball had been turned inside out. He was scalped.
According to the family, it was bad. He had a concussion. He kept repeating himself. The hospital would not let me stay the night with him.
Thank God he survived.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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When my son got his license, it had been four days afterwards when he wrecked and totalled his car. Someone called us from the nearby service station. They knew who he was. When I arrived, he was on a stretcher getting into the ambulance.
At the hospital, as I ran to see him, the police stopped me and said, "Momma, you do not want to see him."
I was escorted to the hall. My son had a terrible head injury.
What I remember seeing looked as if a basketball had been turned inside out. He was scalped.
According to the family, it was bad. He had a concussion. He kept repeating himself. The hospital would not let me stay the night with him.
Thank God he survived.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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Thank you Carolyn. I appreciated your kind words. Like you, I wasn't allowed to see my son. Fortunately, my friend Damon stayed with him. Life throws us some lemons from time to time. I am glad both of our sons survived. I am looking forward to reading some of your work. Sarah
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Yes. And thank you.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
What a scary story for you as his mother, Sarah. You shared it
well. It was easy to follow due to the smooth flow and organization.
I was engaged from start to finish to find out the results. It seemed
so serious to me, but in the end, Charlie was saved by his brother
and friends and good medical care.
Thanks for sharing, Jan.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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What a scary story for you as his mother, Sarah. You shared it
well. It was easy to follow due to the smooth flow and organization.
I was engaged from start to finish to find out the results. It seemed
so serious to me, but in the end, Charlie was saved by his brother
and friends and good medical care.
Thanks for sharing, Jan.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Thank you so much Jan for your kind words. I appreciate your support and help. I can't wait to read some of your work. Sarah
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😊🐈⬛
Comment from Thesis
This story is so relatable to all parents dreading that kind of phone call. Your panic is so recognizable and real, and causes fear for others who may experience the same thing one day.
It must be comforting that your neighbors and the other young adults, along with your other son, acted so responsibly. It must have also been disconcerting that your husband was away and you had to deal with everything yourself.
You presented the circumstances and accounts well. Glad everything worked out.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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This story is so relatable to all parents dreading that kind of phone call. Your panic is so recognizable and real, and causes fear for others who may experience the same thing one day.
It must be comforting that your neighbors and the other young adults, along with your other son, acted so responsibly. It must have also been disconcerting that your husband was away and you had to deal with everything yourself.
You presented the circumstances and accounts well. Glad everything worked out.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Thank you so much Thesis for your kind words. I appreciate your support. It is good to be with a group who support each other. Sarah
Comment from Annmuma
I enjoyed this story. The characters are clearly defined; the reader is allowed to feel the emotions; the scene is vivid and the reader's interest is held tightly as the story plays out to the perfect ending. Excellent job.
BUT, I do have a couple of suggestions: INCREASE THE SIZE OF OUR FONT. I don't know about others, but I often miss some really good stories because I can't see them without effort. Another suggestion is SPACE BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS. Especially in an action story such as this, the reader needs a place to take a breath.
Good story. Well written. ann
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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I enjoyed this story. The characters are clearly defined; the reader is allowed to feel the emotions; the scene is vivid and the reader's interest is held tightly as the story plays out to the perfect ending. Excellent job.
BUT, I do have a couple of suggestions: INCREASE THE SIZE OF OUR FONT. I don't know about others, but I often miss some really good stories because I can't see them without effort. Another suggestion is SPACE BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS. Especially in an action story such as this, the reader needs a place to take a breath.
Good story. Well written. ann
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your good suggestions and will certainly take care of them. It is great to belong to a group with support and help.
Comment from lancellot
Yes, this would be a parent's nightmare. The dreaded call. Plus, that lack of coherent information in that short call.
notes:
The stretcher was completely covered- oh no. At last, I saw Charlie's face.
- This line doesn't seem right. I would recommend reading it out loud.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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Yes, this would be a parent's nightmare. The dreaded call. Plus, that lack of coherent information in that short call.
notes:
The stretcher was completely covered- oh no. At last, I saw Charlie's face.
- This line doesn't seem right. I would recommend reading it out loud.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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Thank you lancellot for your kind words. I will work on your good suggestion. Again, thanks.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You have written a good story and have done a fairly good job of setting it up, but you need to make paragraphs and separate them with a blank line. You should have at least 12 paragraphs. Whenever a new speaker speaks or does something before speaking, it is a new paragraph. This telephone call . . . is not a sentence. My neighbor, Damon(,) . . . If I can help you any further, I'd be happy to do so.
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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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You have written a good story and have done a fairly good job of setting it up, but you need to make paragraphs and separate them with a blank line. You should have at least 12 paragraphs. Whenever a new speaker speaks or does something before speaking, it is a new paragraph. This telephone call . . . is not a sentence. My neighbor, Damon(,) . . . If I can help you any further, I'd be happy to do so.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your support and help! It is great to have a group of caring people to rely on. Back to the drawing board!
Comment from Terry Broxson
Sarah, this is a very well-written story. I do think this would be any mother's greatest fear. I think your friend Damon was a very nice fellow.
The presentation of the story might read a little easier for your readers if you broke up the long paragraphs.
If you look at it, it is almost a wall of words; more white space makes it easier to read. I can help with that if you wish. Terry
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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Sarah, this is a very well-written story. I do think this would be any mother's greatest fear. I think your friend Damon was a very nice fellow.
The presentation of the story might read a little easier for your readers if you broke up the long paragraphs.
If you look at it, it is almost a wall of words; more white space makes it easier to read. I can help with that if you wish. Terry
Comment Written 13-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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Your help would be greatly appreciated! When you have some free time, I would like some help. Sarah
