Life Contortions
The twists and turns of poor choices21 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Excellent writing. Very picturesque. You painted the picture well.
The only thing missing is the slight hitch in your lower back.
Sad dog state indeed.
Best wishes and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Excellent writing. Very picturesque. You painted the picture well.
The only thing missing is the slight hitch in your lower back.
Sad dog state indeed.
Best wishes and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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You slay me, Wayne. I always love it when you review my pieces. Thanks for the smile today.
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
Good luck in the contest. I enjoyed reading this and found the wry humor well done. I imagine you were constrained by a word count for the contest, but I thought maybe more about how these two got in bed together might be helpful. Was this a first for the narrator or does she do this often? Maybe a little more introspection from her.
Could have done without the all caps and the exclamation marks on the two sentences below:
SUCH a bad start.
I HATE hairy men!
I know you were doing it for emphasis, but it seems juvenile from an adult narrator.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Good luck in the contest. I enjoyed reading this and found the wry humor well done. I imagine you were constrained by a word count for the contest, but I thought maybe more about how these two got in bed together might be helpful. Was this a first for the narrator or does she do this often? Maybe a little more introspection from her.
Could have done without the all caps and the exclamation marks on the two sentences below:
SUCH a bad start.
I HATE hairy men!
I know you were doing it for emphasis, but it seems juvenile from an adult narrator.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Thanks for this feedback. Always appreciated!!
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
This is a well-written story. There are several instances of great imagery written in your story like the imagery written here...like meringue that's been pummeled by a toddler. I appreciate being able to read the large, clearly written text. You just might have the winning entry here. It is fun, entertaining and it is chocked full of emotion. Well done, Rach. I like it.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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This is a well-written story. There are several instances of great imagery written in your story like the imagery written here...like meringue that's been pummeled by a toddler. I appreciate being able to read the large, clearly written text. You just might have the winning entry here. It is fun, entertaining and it is chocked full of emotion. Well done, Rach. I like it.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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I always my fonts with you in mind; I'm not kidding. But you're always right about them. Bigger and fatter really does present so much better!! Thanks for the encouraging review! xo
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading. This is very well written. This poor lady does need to swear off alcohol. LOL I want to wish you the very best luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading. This is very well written. This poor lady does need to swear off alcohol. LOL I want to wish you the very best luck with the contest.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Hopefully "this time" she really will!!! Nothing like a hairy contortionist to get one's priorities in order, you know? Thank you for the terrific review.
Comment from Michaela Moore
Hillarious and delightful! I love that you made him foreign. That just adds another layer of fun. And also making him hairy. Chills ran all over. It was also brilliant in bringing the reader to light about what is happening along with the narrator. So we, too, feel we have just woken up after a drunken stupor. You are an extraordinary writer because you understand that taking the time for details is so important to help the reader be inside the room with you. Better than a movie!
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Hillarious and delightful! I love that you made him foreign. That just adds another layer of fun. And also making him hairy. Chills ran all over. It was also brilliant in bringing the reader to light about what is happening along with the narrator. So we, too, feel we have just woken up after a drunken stupor. You are an extraordinary writer because you understand that taking the time for details is so important to help the reader be inside the room with you. Better than a movie!
Comment Written 24-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Haha. That's a fun way to describe it...as if the reader is waking up there, too, and experiencing the horror with poor Cassie. At least for us, it's a vicarious nightmare!!
Thanks for the great review and the extra star, as well. Very much appreciated. xo
Comment from Sally Law
This is great, Rachelle, and aptly illustrated. I love your thoughts as this daymare unfolds. "I feel SO not well," is a classic line! I felt like this after a date with my bad boyfriend and high-tailed it from the car, to the door, and slammed it. Needless to say, I cured my sick stomach.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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This is great, Rachelle, and aptly illustrated. I love your thoughts as this daymare unfolds. "I feel SO not well," is a classic line! I felt like this after a date with my bad boyfriend and high-tailed it from the car, to the door, and slammed it. Needless to say, I cured my sick stomach.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sal XOs
Comment Written 24-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Yes, getting rid of a bad relationship is the surest way to curing one's physical maladies!! (and losing weight! The more he weighed, the more pounds you've lost!!)
Thanks for the very nice review. xo
Comment from Ric Myworld
Poor choices seem to be a vital part of most of our lives. Maybe it's just the need for something new and exciting in a mundane world of hate and resentment, or the lack of something more fulfilling. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Poor choices seem to be a vital part of most of our lives. Maybe it's just the need for something new and exciting in a mundane world of hate and resentment, or the lack of something more fulfilling. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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...or alcohol. That's seemed to fuel a lot of bad choices...
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I really disliked the opening line. I get the imagery you're going for but it can also be read that she cut them.
Personally I'd rework the entire opening couple of paragraphs. using a reflective surface for descriptive purposes is such a cliche. (which is a shame as the toddler pummelling is nice and inventive.)
on the pillowcase and fitted sheet,- how did they know it was a fitted sheet, given there is bedclothes, pillows and a body on the bed.
a poodle...except, they don't shed.- should probably have spaces after ellipses. Oh, and poodles do shed their hair, just not as much or as frequently.
It picks up from there and is quite an enjoyable romp (pun intended)
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Hi there,
I really disliked the opening line. I get the imagery you're going for but it can also be read that she cut them.
Personally I'd rework the entire opening couple of paragraphs. using a reflective surface for descriptive purposes is such a cliche. (which is a shame as the toddler pummelling is nice and inventive.)
on the pillowcase and fitted sheet,- how did they know it was a fitted sheet, given there is bedclothes, pillows and a body on the bed.
a poodle...except, they don't shed.- should probably have spaces after ellipses. Oh, and poodles do shed their hair, just not as much or as frequently.
It picks up from there and is quite an enjoyable romp (pun intended)
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 24-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Wow. Your five was far too generous. I'm thinking a 2 or 3 was more in order. Thanks for the helpful review.
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I waivered between a four and a five, but after the initial few paragraphs it picked up really well.
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Oh, thank gawd. My worth as a writer was hanging in the balance there.
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It was generous of you to continue to slog on through it. Usually, if I don't like something right away, I don't bother to review it; I just move on to the next offering.
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I used to do that but I'll normally try to get a third to halfway through to get the whole idea. if it's the same I may well skip, or I'll review to that point. I had a lot of help from folk when I started out writing and if I hadn't I may not be still doing it. lol
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Same. I get help all the time on here and appreciate it when it's offered in a way that doesn't seem harsh or dismissive. I'm open to suggestions and have changed many MANY a piece thanks to the suggesions other members have bestowed. I do find, though, that it's all in the delivery. I consider there to be a huge difference in the "I have an idea for you" and "It annoys me you think this is good when X, Y and Z are so obviously wrong with it?" schools of tutelage. My responses to prickliness and superiority of purpose have never been particularly positive.
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Yep. Mine too. Lol
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Lol
Comment from karenina
Hysterical! Enough to make me swear of booze, take three long showers and consider the benefits of late admission to a nunnery!
No poodle, for sure, but woof! What a dog! He sure knows how to woo a gal, huh?
NOT!
This is one of those nightmares we're just SO HAPPY to wake up from!
Poor Cassie...
Poor Svetlana!
A "night after" from hell!
Karenina
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Hysterical! Enough to make me swear of booze, take three long showers and consider the benefits of late admission to a nunnery!
No poodle, for sure, but woof! What a dog! He sure knows how to woo a gal, huh?
NOT!
This is one of those nightmares we're just SO HAPPY to wake up from!
Poor Cassie...
Poor Svetlana!
A "night after" from hell!
Karenina
Comment Written 24-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Yep! Better them than us, Karenina!!! Thanks for the totally understanding review! xo
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Heck yeah!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Good story with some amusing seconds and some rather horrifying seconds. It certainly is a good explanation of what happened that the morning after could be the subject of interest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2022
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Good story with some amusing seconds and some rather horrifying seconds. It certainly is a good explanation of what happened that the morning after could be the subject of interest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2022
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Lol! I'd sure hate for it to be MY morning after, though!! Thank you for the encouragement.
