The Tor
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "Counting Sheep"Adventures around & upon a hill
11 total reviews
Comment from Mabaker12
I'm gradually working my way through the double names but its okay the story keeps me alert. Your style has changed Liz and for the better. Great piece of writing. Sincerely Anne.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
  |
I'm gradually working my way through the double names but its okay the story keeps me alert. Your style has changed Liz and for the better. Great piece of writing. Sincerely Anne.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
-
I'm so pleased with your enthusiastic review. People are wondering if the penance stuff would really happen so I just gave a funny story about my group when I was a sister/nun. You'll enjoy it: When I was in the convent the kneeling holding broken things really did happen: there were a few of us kneeling with stuff. I had broken a toilet brush, another a bowl, but the funniest was my friend Michele who is my cat /Sammy's foster mom. She somehow found the steering wheel came off in her hands when she was getting out of our old van. So there we were kneeling and Michele with a steering wheel. We were so close to giggling even though it was supposed to be a solemn moment...NOT
-
Wow! I always knew the nuns didn't get an easy go of it, but a steering wheel! While, at the orphanage the nuns worked alongside us girls waxing floors and any other tasks that needed guides. They never just gave orders but pinned their veils back and got stuck in.
-
This Abbot Richard was the head of the monastery so he ran the show...bwaaa
-
I know this is stupid but... Why were sheep so important was it biblical or a more practical reason (warmth and food?)
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Interesting discussion. Some Notes:
-In Paragraph 1 (.) needed after narrator
-The Abbot seemed full of himself giving penances for such minor infractions.
-"from hellhole" looks like it should be from the hellhole.
-It was a stupid rule indeed, kneeling and holding whatever got broken.
-counting sheep needs (") after sheep.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
|
Interesting discussion. Some Notes:
-In Paragraph 1 (.) needed after narrator
-The Abbot seemed full of himself giving penances for such minor infractions.
-"from hellhole" looks like it should be from the hellhole.
-It was a stupid rule indeed, kneeling and holding whatever got broken.
-counting sheep needs (") after sheep.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
-
Thank you for your enthusiastic review. People are wondering if the penance stuff would really happen so I just gave a funny story about my group when I was a sister/nun. You'll enjoy it: When I was in the convent the kneeling holding broken things really did happen: there were a few of us kneeling with stuff. I had broken a toilet brush, another a bowl, but the funniest was my friend Michele who is my cat /Sammy's foster mom. She somehow found the steering wheel came off in her hands when she was getting out of our old van. So there we were kneeling and Michele with a steering wheel. We were so close to giggling even though it was supposed to be a solemn moment...NOT
Comment from Judy Lawless
I'm enjoying reading all about the women and the men they had been in the 16th century, Liz. This is well written.
Just a couple of punctuation errors:
"I guess he felt(,) I shouldn't have been anywhere around there.." * remove comma
"I had no regrets,(.) I knew if needed I would do it again." - period instead of comma
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
|
I'm enjoying reading all about the women and the men they had been in the 16th century, Liz. This is well written.
Just a couple of punctuation errors:
"I guess he felt(,) I shouldn't have been anywhere around there.." * remove comma
"I had no regrets,(.) I knew if needed I would do it again." - period instead of comma
Comment Written 29-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
-
Thank you for your enthusiastic review.
When I was in the convent the kneeling holding broken things really did happen: there were a few of us kneeling with stuff. I had broken a toilet brush, another a bowl, but the funniest was my friend Michele who is my cat /Sammy's foster mom. She somehow found the steering wheel came off in her hands when she was getting out of our old van. So there we were kneeling and Michele with a steering wheel. We were so close to giggling even though it was supposed to be a solemn moment...NOT
-
You're welcome, Liz.
That is so funny, Liz! I don't know how you refrained from bursting out loud! lol
Comment from lyenochka
Oh-oh. I am not sure I want to know what penance Cyndy had to do. I'm wondering if you came up with these penances because you heard about such things or even experienced them when you were in that monastic environment. Glad the ladies are able to clear their minds by sharing and laughing together.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
|
Oh-oh. I am not sure I want to know what penance Cyndy had to do. I'm wondering if you came up with these penances because you heard about such things or even experienced them when you were in that monastic environment. Glad the ladies are able to clear their minds by sharing and laughing together.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
-
Thank you for your enthusiastic review.
When I was in the convent the kneeling holding broken things really did happen: there were a few of us kneeling with stuff. I had broken a toilet brush, another a bowl, but the funniest was my friend Michele who is my cat /Sammy's foster mom. She somehow found the steering wheel came off in her hands when she was getting out of our old van. So there we were kneeling and Michele with a steering wheel. We were so close to giggling even though it was supposed to be a solemn moment...NOT
-
In retrospect all those trials have some bit of humor it them. 💖
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
There apparently a lot of penances handed out for what seem to be minor infractions. How did they ever continue to get in young men who wanted to be monks when the rules were so rigorous? You have an extra "ed" in . . . had a look of disgust(ed) . . .
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
|
There apparently a lot of penances handed out for what seem to be minor infractions. How did they ever continue to get in young men who wanted to be monks when the rules were so rigorous? You have an extra "ed" in . . . had a look of disgust(ed) . . .
Comment Written 28-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
-
Thank you for enthusiastic review. Men did not know what they were getting into. When I was in the Convent we had the same rules even though we weren't monks.
When I was in the convent the kneeling holding broken things really did happen: there were a few of us kneeling with stuff. I had broken a toilet brush, another a bowl, but the funniest was my friend Michele who is my cat /Sammy's foster mom. She somehow found the steering wheel came off in her hands when she was getting out of our old van. So there we were kneeling and Michele with a steering wheel. We were so close to giggling even though it was supposed to be a solemn moment...NOT
-
Kneeling really hurts the knees.
-
Kneeling really hurts the knees.
-
My kneeling part of my knees are shot. I'm knocked kneed so my patella is to the outer side of each knee. So now I realize I have kneeled on tissue or muscles...bwaaa
Comment from aryr
What a fantastic continuation chapter, Liz. I really enjoyed this one. With all the ladies sharing their story, I am not surprised that the sheep story won the pot, pun was definitely declared it to be so. Who names a sheep 'Stewy', and not expected it to become one. Very well done and greatly enjoyed. Smiles n hugs!
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
|
What a fantastic continuation chapter, Liz. I really enjoyed this one. With all the ladies sharing their story, I am not surprised that the sheep story won the pot, pun was definitely declared it to be so. Who names a sheep 'Stewy', and not expected it to become one. Very well done and greatly enjoyed. Smiles n hugs!
Comment Written 28-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
-
Thank you for enthusiastic review. Men did not know what they were getting into. When I was in the Convent we had the same rules even though we weren't monks.
When I was in the convent the kneeling holding broken things really did happen: there were a few of us kneeling with stuff. I had broken a toilet brush, another a bowl, but the funniest was my friend Michele who is my cat /Sammy's foster mom. She somehow found the steering wheel came off in her hands when she was getting out of our old van. So there we were kneeling and Michele with a steering wheel. We were so close to giggling even though it was supposed to be a solemn moment...NOT
-
You are so very welcome, Liz. That was amazing.
-
that was PUnny...lol
-
LOL
-
707
-
What???
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
I didn't look until I was done reviewing but I am glad this is listed as fiction. These things don't really happen to grown women in a civilized religious organization do they?
Several consideraions:
Para 4, 3rd sentence: CONSIDER (crucial) rather than (important)
Para 5, 5th sentence: Replace comma after (regrets) with a semi-colon or a period. The next phrase is a complete thought (noun and verb) and works better with one of these punctuations instead of a comma.
Para 7, 2nd sentence: Remove opening quote mark before (When). The opening quote mark already appears in the previous sentence, before (Oh, I know)
Para 8, All: Is this paragraph a narrative (no quote marks necessary) or is it really Jill continuing to speak?
Para 10, 1st sentence: (disgusted) should be (disgust)
Para 11, 1st sentence: Remove one space between (exploded.) and (It's)
Para 11, 1st sentence: Add comma after ("So) Use commas after introductory words, like (So, but, well.)
Para 17, 2nd sentence: CONSIDER (her story could possibly be.) instead of (could possibly be her story) I THINK it enhances readability.
Para 17, 2nd sentence: Remove one paragraph space after (her story.)
Para 20, 2nd sentence: Need closing quote mark after (shaking.) Because the next paragraph is Cyndy speaking, this quote must be closed.
Did Cyndy have some sheep stew?
I wonder what your penance would have been for giggling. What would you hold - a giggle? lol
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
|
I didn't look until I was done reviewing but I am glad this is listed as fiction. These things don't really happen to grown women in a civilized religious organization do they?
Several consideraions:
Para 4, 3rd sentence: CONSIDER (crucial) rather than (important)
Para 5, 5th sentence: Replace comma after (regrets) with a semi-colon or a period. The next phrase is a complete thought (noun and verb) and works better with one of these punctuations instead of a comma.
Para 7, 2nd sentence: Remove opening quote mark before (When). The opening quote mark already appears in the previous sentence, before (Oh, I know)
Para 8, All: Is this paragraph a narrative (no quote marks necessary) or is it really Jill continuing to speak?
Para 10, 1st sentence: (disgusted) should be (disgust)
Para 11, 1st sentence: Remove one space between (exploded.) and (It's)
Para 11, 1st sentence: Add comma after ("So) Use commas after introductory words, like (So, but, well.)
Para 17, 2nd sentence: CONSIDER (her story could possibly be.) instead of (could possibly be her story) I THINK it enhances readability.
Para 17, 2nd sentence: Remove one paragraph space after (her story.)
Para 20, 2nd sentence: Need closing quote mark after (shaking.) Because the next paragraph is Cyndy speaking, this quote must be closed.
Did Cyndy have some sheep stew?
I wonder what your penance would have been for giggling. What would you hold - a giggle? lol
Comment Written 28-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2022
-
Thank you for enthusiastic review. Men did not know what they were getting into. When I was in the Convent we had the same rules even though we weren't monks.
When I was in the convent the kneeling holding broken things really did happen: there were a few of us kneeling with stuff. I had broken a toilet brush, another a bowl, but the funniest was my friend Michele who is my cat /Sammy's foster mom. She somehow found the steering wheel came off in her hands when she was getting out of our old van. So there we were kneeling and Michele with a steering wheel. We were so close to giggling even though it was supposed to be a solemn moment...NOT
I did have a strange penance for talking with a secular (non sister) at school. We went to school with non sisters or nuns. We were having a free day, meaning we could talk much of the day. So they were having a nice picnic on a very warm day. I on the other had had to wear a rigoulette which was a wool square of cloth on my head & I could not TALK. Ooof. Picture that! The others probably were silently giggling. But knew I'd done something VERY BAD. bwaaa
-
Do we still wonder what can give religion a bad rep? Aren't we there simply to worship the Lord? I take it you are no longer affiliated.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
This was a fun read and the naration reminded me of Margaret Atwood The handmaid tale. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter. By the way, did Stewie ended up as a stew?
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2022
 |
This was a fun read and the naration reminded me of Margaret Atwood The handmaid tale. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter. By the way, did Stewie ended up as a stew?
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2022
-
Thank you for your amusing review. I'm pleased and laughed that you got the wordplay. There's another one, no one has noted. Cordelia play chords on the harp. Bwaaa
Comment from Jay Squires
Sorry I caught this so late. I had a few concerns that you promptly resolved, below:
"My penance was to kneel with eggshells from the kitchen." [What does it mean to kneel with eggshells from the kitchen. You don't mean kneeling ON the egg shells do you. That might elicit some pain, but otherwise, I can't see the punishment.]
My penance was to kneel with a few shards of them. [Here again, with them or on them? In this case and the previous one, the punishment doesn't fit the "crime".]
"I thought it was a stupid rule. I guess we were supposed to be humiliated or something." [Okay, Liz! I guess I wasn't alone! I'm glad it was resolved!!]
JS
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
|
Sorry I caught this so late. I had a few concerns that you promptly resolved, below:
"My penance was to kneel with eggshells from the kitchen." [What does it mean to kneel with eggshells from the kitchen. You don't mean kneeling ON the egg shells do you. That might elicit some pain, but otherwise, I can't see the punishment.]
My penance was to kneel with a few shards of them. [Here again, with them or on them? In this case and the previous one, the punishment doesn't fit the "crime".]
"I thought it was a stupid rule. I guess we were supposed to be humiliated or something." [Okay, Liz! I guess I wasn't alone! I'm glad it was resolved!!]
JS
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
-
Thank you for your loyal reviewing. I guess I should say holding each. That happened with us. I had snapped the handle of the toilet brush. Another Novice had to kneel (holding) the steering wheel that had come off. Another had to kneel, holding a broken bowl...bwaaa
-
So it happened to you when you were in a convent?
-
Yes all of the event here, for the most part happened to me. I just changed some of the situations. I did not have to do any research on the monastic rule. I lived it.
penance...penance...penance
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Well done. You managed to get through a lot of womens' major issues rather succinctly. Just one thing, I feel this chapter needs a quick read-through for SPAG issues. I was especially a bit perturbed by comma use and tenses. Kate xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
|
Well done. You managed to get through a lot of womens' major issues rather succinctly. Just one thing, I feel this chapter needs a quick read-through for SPAG issues. I was especially a bit perturbed by comma use and tenses. Kate xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
-
Thank you for your loyal review. I will review your observations.
