Below the Surface
What secrets lie deeper? (20 syllables)10 total reviews
Comment from Wendy G
Congratulations on placing first with this lovely one, with a fine image. Sorry my review is late, I'm travelling and haven't had internet for a few days. I like the alliteration and also the internal rhyme very much.
Wendy
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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Congratulations on placing first with this lovely one, with a fine image. Sorry my review is late, I'm travelling and haven't had internet for a few days. I like the alliteration and also the internal rhyme very much.
Wendy
Comment Written 20-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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Thanks very much Wendy. I've been away travelling myself lately so I empathise with the lack of internet... but I'm back now and hope to reconnect with being a regular contributor. Enjoy your travels!
I also sympathise with the inconvenience to you of the death of your computer - that is a major blow.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Always mystifying and always captivating are the stories of secret hidden, sunken treasures. I would love to seek them out, but I am too afraid of being that far under something as powerful as the ocean. So, I guess I have to agree. Only those below will know.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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Always mystifying and always captivating are the stories of secret hidden, sunken treasures. I would love to seek them out, but I am too afraid of being that far under something as powerful as the ocean. So, I guess I have to agree. Only those below will know.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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Thanks for your review Gary. I'm not about to get into deep water either. I'll just write about it and imagine.
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
This poem was beautifully stated. The message is clear and easy to understand. The text could be a bit larger for me, but most will feel it's okay. The visual fits perfectly. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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This poem was beautifully stated. The message is clear and easy to understand. The text could be a bit larger for me, but most will feel it's okay. The visual fits perfectly. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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Thanks for your nice comments Sandra.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Good syllables count.
Good subject
Excellent entry for the Two Line Poem writing prompt contest. I like the pivot line and play on words.
The vocabulary is easy to understand.
I wish you good luck in the contest.
"Happiness is an uphill battle. Wear the good shoes." -- Kurt Vonnegut
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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Good syllables count.
Good subject
Excellent entry for the Two Line Poem writing prompt contest. I like the pivot line and play on words.
The vocabulary is easy to understand.
I wish you good luck in the contest.
"Happiness is an uphill battle. Wear the good shoes." -- Kurt Vonnegut
Comment Written 19-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your nice comments about my brief poem.
Comment from Marienkiefer
I appreciate your poem for its simplicity yet provocatively profound message.
Sparkling in your poem:
-Nice allitération
-Contrast of dwell vs flow, idea of getting caught up with something, ruminating on something just below the surface and then the rising realization and rush or flow of an idea.
Sparkling line:
-...those who dwell below know-, showing how consciousness rises to the surface.
A very nice poem.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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I appreciate your poem for its simplicity yet provocatively profound message.
Sparkling in your poem:
-Nice allitération
-Contrast of dwell vs flow, idea of getting caught up with something, ruminating on something just below the surface and then the rising realization and rush or flow of an idea.
Sparkling line:
-...those who dwell below know-, showing how consciousness rises to the surface.
A very nice poem.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your kind review - it's always helpful to read another's interpretation and to see what you got out of the poem.
Comment from BermyBye50
This is an excellent entry in the Two line poetry contest. It is rhymed perfectly and paints a creative picture of an undersea world within the rules of the writing prompt. The image chosen adds to the mystery contained in the two lines. Well done.
All the best in the contest,
Eugene
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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This is an excellent entry in the Two line poetry contest. It is rhymed perfectly and paints a creative picture of an undersea world within the rules of the writing prompt. The image chosen adds to the mystery contained in the two lines. Well done.
All the best in the contest,
Eugene
Comment Written 19-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your generous review!
Comment from zanya
Here is an opportunity to allow our imagination to take flight in this delightful two line poem reflecting upon what secrets may lie ' 'neath gentle dappled flow' superb expression
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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Here is an opportunity to allow our imagination to take flight in this delightful two line poem reflecting upon what secrets may lie ' 'neath gentle dappled flow' superb expression
Comment Written 18-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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Thank you very much for this lovely review.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Mystery Writer,
Kudos!
Kudos for form and message!
Mysterious and captivating, and filled with creative truth!
Thank you for sharing!
Best Wishes!
diane
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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Hello Mystery Writer,
Kudos!
Kudos for form and message!
Mysterious and captivating, and filled with creative truth!
Thank you for sharing!
Best Wishes!
diane
Comment Written 18-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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With appreciation - thank you for taking the time to read my brief offering and for your comments.
Comment from Susan Newell
I don't usually review short poems, because so often they come across as lectures or idioms. But yours is fresh and original. And it is so true that we know next to nothing about the ocean floor. Good luck in the contest. (Nice alliteration, liked "dappled," and the rhyme, including the internal one.)
Sue
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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I don't usually review short poems, because so often they come across as lectures or idioms. But yours is fresh and original. And it is so true that we know next to nothing about the ocean floor. Good luck in the contest. (Nice alliteration, liked "dappled," and the rhyme, including the internal one.)
Sue
Comment Written 18-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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I agree with you that many short poems are exceedingly twee or predictable. Therefore I challenged myself to provide something where the reviewer could engage their own imagination. Thank you for taking the time to read my brief offering, and for your comments.
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You are very cwelcome
Comment from kiwisteveh
Good luck in the contest with this pretty piece. It brings to mind Shakespeare's famous lines:
Full fathom five thy father lies;
these are pearls that were his eyes...
Nice alliteration in your introductory words and a sense of mystery about the secrets hidden below the surface - a metaphor perhaps?
Steve
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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Good luck in the contest with this pretty piece. It brings to mind Shakespeare's famous lines:
Full fathom five thy father lies;
these are pearls that were his eyes...
Nice alliteration in your introductory words and a sense of mystery about the secrets hidden below the surface - a metaphor perhaps?
Steve
Comment Written 18-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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I love your review, Steve. You are onto it - not just a pretty piece for those who are aware of murkier depths.
