Implantation
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "On The Run"A sci-fi thriller!
2 total reviews
Comment from prettybluebirds
This is a most exciting story. You had me hooked from the first word to the last. I enjoyed reading the chapter and will most certainly watch for the next one. This is excellent writing, and I can't wait to see where you go with this.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2022
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This is a most exciting story. You had me hooked from the first word to the last. I enjoyed reading the chapter and will most certainly watch for the next one. This is excellent writing, and I can't wait to see where you go with this.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2022
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Thank you so much. Very warm wonderful kind words. I appreciate you!
Comment from Susan Newell
I went back and I think I retrieved almost everything. Notes below: (sorry for my screwup)
I hit save by accident and lost all my notes. I'll take a break and try to go back and add them again. My sincere apologies. I had a lot of good things to say.
Sue
Douglas,
Double Bravo! This font is even easier to read and I was able to read right through it. I like the small changes/additions you have made and I am ready to see what happens next. This is vastly improved. I did notice a couple of spots where there were indented paragraphs and where the text changed to blue. My proofing notes and comments follow. I hope you get lots of reviews.
Sue
two more white walled pods ==> white-walled
Daniel passed a couple of buildings on the outskirts, but avoided going into town, thinking that it would be the first place that the overseers would look. -- good, some exploration and recon
He giggled for about a half hour over the fish, then realizing that he had killed it, he sobbed uncontrollably for another half hour. -- great reminder of the wacky emotions
Motre then a few times, he regained his composure and found himself cowering in terror under the bed, -- typo ==> more
He had also found some useful items. A first aid kit, a hunting knife, a flashlight, and some new clothes. He packed away some blue jeans that were just a little loose and a couple of long sleeve shirts. -- Yeah!
It had several damaged motorcycles strewn about the parking lot. -- Yes!
Next, he went to the managers rundown ==> manager's
He was tall round and bald. ==> he was tall, round, and bald.
The man had no hair on his entire head, including his eyebrows. On his head, running the complete circle of his brow was a silver metal band.
Yet, the most startling thing was his eyes. They were completely covered in a milky white film. The large man cocked his head and sniffed the air. He let out a loud grunt, and raising his metal bar, charged at Daniel. -- great "showing"
Daniel crab crawled away from his attacker, and rose to his feet, just as the milky white eyed man was staggering back to his feet. -- Great!
He went over to a small four pane window and after wiping it clean, took a look outside. -- Yup!
Then he heard the barn door slid open. ==> slide
The curtain on an attic window in the farmhouse had fallen back into place. Somebody had been watching to see of the overseers had left, just as he had been doing. -- Very good.
He was startled to realize that they had programed him so well, that his subconscious automatically reverted back to his daily routine so easily. -- Indeed. Still confused.
Daniel slid out of the barn door, and low crawled the hundred yards to the farmhouse. -- Great!
Daniel placed his had on the smooth black doorknob -- typo ==> hand
The first door was where the light was coming from. Daniel could see it chasing away the darkness from underneath, as well as spilling out from the keyhole. -- Very nice
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2022
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I went back and I think I retrieved almost everything. Notes below: (sorry for my screwup)
I hit save by accident and lost all my notes. I'll take a break and try to go back and add them again. My sincere apologies. I had a lot of good things to say.
Sue
Douglas,
Double Bravo! This font is even easier to read and I was able to read right through it. I like the small changes/additions you have made and I am ready to see what happens next. This is vastly improved. I did notice a couple of spots where there were indented paragraphs and where the text changed to blue. My proofing notes and comments follow. I hope you get lots of reviews.
Sue
two more white walled pods ==> white-walled
Daniel passed a couple of buildings on the outskirts, but avoided going into town, thinking that it would be the first place that the overseers would look. -- good, some exploration and recon
He giggled for about a half hour over the fish, then realizing that he had killed it, he sobbed uncontrollably for another half hour. -- great reminder of the wacky emotions
Motre then a few times, he regained his composure and found himself cowering in terror under the bed, -- typo ==> more
He had also found some useful items. A first aid kit, a hunting knife, a flashlight, and some new clothes. He packed away some blue jeans that were just a little loose and a couple of long sleeve shirts. -- Yeah!
It had several damaged motorcycles strewn about the parking lot. -- Yes!
Next, he went to the managers rundown ==> manager's
He was tall round and bald. ==> he was tall, round, and bald.
The man had no hair on his entire head, including his eyebrows. On his head, running the complete circle of his brow was a silver metal band.
Yet, the most startling thing was his eyes. They were completely covered in a milky white film. The large man cocked his head and sniffed the air. He let out a loud grunt, and raising his metal bar, charged at Daniel. -- great "showing"
Daniel crab crawled away from his attacker, and rose to his feet, just as the milky white eyed man was staggering back to his feet. -- Great!
He went over to a small four pane window and after wiping it clean, took a look outside. -- Yup!
Then he heard the barn door slid open. ==> slide
The curtain on an attic window in the farmhouse had fallen back into place. Somebody had been watching to see of the overseers had left, just as he had been doing. -- Very good.
He was startled to realize that they had programed him so well, that his subconscious automatically reverted back to his daily routine so easily. -- Indeed. Still confused.
Daniel slid out of the barn door, and low crawled the hundred yards to the farmhouse. -- Great!
Daniel placed his had on the smooth black doorknob -- typo ==> hand
The first door was where the light was coming from. Daniel could see it chasing away the darkness from underneath, as well as spilling out from the keyhole. -- Very nice
Comment Written 22-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2022
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You are getting me fixed right up!
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You are a quick learner. I've had about 67 years to work on my writing. :-)
