Implantation
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Dirty Down and Dead"A sci-fi thriller!
2 total reviews
Comment from BermyBye50
Douglas,
This is an excellent chapter in the book Implantation. Your story is compelling and perfectly suited to your target audience. It is well-written and your imagination and creativity shines thru in this amazing chapter. Each paragraph is engaging and captures the attention of the reader. Your strategic use of dialogue enhances the tension woven throughout this brilliant story. Well-done.
All the best,
Eugene
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2022
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Douglas,
This is an excellent chapter in the book Implantation. Your story is compelling and perfectly suited to your target audience. It is well-written and your imagination and creativity shines thru in this amazing chapter. Each paragraph is engaging and captures the attention of the reader. Your strategic use of dialogue enhances the tension woven throughout this brilliant story. Well-done.
All the best,
Eugene
Comment Written 23-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2022
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Thank you so much! Your kind words mean a lot to me. I appreciate you!
Comment from Susan Newell
Douglas,
This is terrific. Your punctuation and grammar have really improved. This kept me wanting to race on to the next paragraph all the way through. I like the way you are unraveling this new world and the biker bounty hunters working for the overseers is terrific. I can't wait to see what comes next! I did pick up a few language things and typos on the way through, but you really have come a long, long way from Chapter 1.
Sue
Sutures, band aids, wraps, and ither ==> other
It was laying on the inside of the windowsill. ==> lying
Daniel reached up and grabbed the metal band, trying to pull it off, but it only stretched the man's skin, appearing to be bolted into the man's skull. His bald attacker responded by punching Daniel hard in the stomach several times. Daniel grabbed the man's tan shirt and pulled him in close, to stop the painful blows. -- this paragraph ended up with a very small type size. It's a good idea to keep posts in preview and read through them before posting.
Drool fell from the man's grunting mouth and landed on Daniel's cheek. -- 6 stars
the old cow watering tin that is there. -- I think we called them tubs
The first thing that he noticed was the nickel-plated .357 Taurus laying in the there ==> lying
Metal must not transport in the green power circles. -- interesting
A big boned tough looking white man stood in ==> big-boned, tough-looking, white man
"We thought you and your girlfriend were going to stay in there forever princess," -- cap Princess every place it is used directly as a name
On his back of his leather vest was their gang patch, -- better as: the back of his leather
Daniel realized that he was laying in the dirt. ==> lying (laying means putting something down; lying is a physical state, like sitting vs. setting)
were you one of those do gooder ==> do-gooder, honor
about twenty metal eyelets sticking out of its -- eyebolts? (2 places)
Daniel's curiosity was peeked now. ==> piqued
I escaped from an apple orchard pod ran by the overseers," ==> run
Stan's comment causing the others around the fire to chuckle. ==> caused (otherwise not a sentence)
But like I said, people bevame scarce. -- typo ==> became
And once a woman in impregnated, ==> is
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2022
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Douglas,
This is terrific. Your punctuation and grammar have really improved. This kept me wanting to race on to the next paragraph all the way through. I like the way you are unraveling this new world and the biker bounty hunters working for the overseers is terrific. I can't wait to see what comes next! I did pick up a few language things and typos on the way through, but you really have come a long, long way from Chapter 1.
Sue
Sutures, band aids, wraps, and ither ==> other
It was laying on the inside of the windowsill. ==> lying
Daniel reached up and grabbed the metal band, trying to pull it off, but it only stretched the man's skin, appearing to be bolted into the man's skull. His bald attacker responded by punching Daniel hard in the stomach several times. Daniel grabbed the man's tan shirt and pulled him in close, to stop the painful blows. -- this paragraph ended up with a very small type size. It's a good idea to keep posts in preview and read through them before posting.
Drool fell from the man's grunting mouth and landed on Daniel's cheek. -- 6 stars
the old cow watering tin that is there. -- I think we called them tubs
The first thing that he noticed was the nickel-plated .357 Taurus laying in the there ==> lying
Metal must not transport in the green power circles. -- interesting
A big boned tough looking white man stood in ==> big-boned, tough-looking, white man
"We thought you and your girlfriend were going to stay in there forever princess," -- cap Princess every place it is used directly as a name
On his back of his leather vest was their gang patch, -- better as: the back of his leather
Daniel realized that he was laying in the dirt. ==> lying (laying means putting something down; lying is a physical state, like sitting vs. setting)
were you one of those do gooder ==> do-gooder, honor
about twenty metal eyelets sticking out of its -- eyebolts? (2 places)
Daniel's curiosity was peeked now. ==> piqued
I escaped from an apple orchard pod ran by the overseers," ==> run
Stan's comment causing the others around the fire to chuckle. ==> caused (otherwise not a sentence)
But like I said, people bevame scarce. -- typo ==> became
And once a woman in impregnated, ==> is
Comment Written 23-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2022
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Thanks! I am glad that you are interested. I really enjoyed developing some of these characters.
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They are very fascinating, and the pre-zombie Daniel is taking shape nicely.
