Implantation
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Last Men Standing"A sci-fi thriller!
2 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Douglas, I read my way through this very long chapter, and I liked what I read, and It is very well written.
But I have to say, it's far too long for this site. We all want to have our work reviewed, but it cost dollars to post here. We have to earn those precious dollars within a time frame.
You could safely break your chapter into 3 or four postings and you would get so many more reviews. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Hi Douglas, I read my way through this very long chapter, and I liked what I read, and It is very well written.
But I have to say, it's far too long for this site. We all want to have our work reviewed, but it cost dollars to post here. We have to earn those precious dollars within a time frame.
You could safely break your chapter into 3 or four postings and you would get so many more reviews. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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It's a real pickle isn't it? The days of the 10,000 word novel chapters of Tolkien, Heinlein, and the long winded are long gone. The cirrent industry standard for a chapter in now 3,000 to 5,000 words. My chapter was 3,265 words. Now the FS system lends itself to small reads as people want $$$. So that leaves me with the choice of chopping my chapters in half and having a forty-eight chapter book or writing a book with 1,000 page chapters as many on here have requested. The pickle is that publishers aren't taking that. Maybe I should just break them up? Not sure, but I appreciate you ;)
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Well, this is Fanstory and not the real world. I'm on my second book and like the first I've written it instalments of a 1000-1200 words. If Dickens could do it so can we. Not that I compare myself to Dickens.lol.
At the end, I format it into the final book. My first book has about 100000 words and so far I'm on fifty-odd- thousand words on my second one. Ulla:)))
Comment from Susan Newell
Douglas,
One of my favorite chapters as well. You have improved your writing so much that I don't have to stop often to mention snags (five and one question). Let me say, I don't like Horndog, particularly for wasting all those rounds. But I suspect you have a surprise about him coming. I'm ready for the next chapter.
Sue
Daniel's eyes caught sight of Saber rush back towards the front of the store. ==> rushing
Daniel bucked his hips hard to dislodge her, while twisted her wrist hard with both hands. ==> while he twisted
"Are we fucking, or fighting? she spat out, ==> fighting?"
Dabiel gave the man credit for playing it smarter than he had. -- typo ==> Daniel
Daniel suspected that Horndog was spending his time hunting for bounties, and just brought the canned goods back as a bonus. Besides, Daniel wasn't about to eat anything that old. -- I don't understand the last sentence. He's been eating canned goods all along.
"When are we gonna roll out?", the southerner finally asked Stan. -- oopsy; delete comma
"Well knuckleheads, we can stand around here all night smacking ourselves in the face with our peckers, or we can focus on the issue at hand. -- great; gave me a chuckle
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2022
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Douglas,
One of my favorite chapters as well. You have improved your writing so much that I don't have to stop often to mention snags (five and one question). Let me say, I don't like Horndog, particularly for wasting all those rounds. But I suspect you have a surprise about him coming. I'm ready for the next chapter.
Sue
Daniel's eyes caught sight of Saber rush back towards the front of the store. ==> rushing
Daniel bucked his hips hard to dislodge her, while twisted her wrist hard with both hands. ==> while he twisted
"Are we fucking, or fighting? she spat out, ==> fighting?"
Dabiel gave the man credit for playing it smarter than he had. -- typo ==> Daniel
Daniel suspected that Horndog was spending his time hunting for bounties, and just brought the canned goods back as a bonus. Besides, Daniel wasn't about to eat anything that old. -- I don't understand the last sentence. He's been eating canned goods all along.
"When are we gonna roll out?", the southerner finally asked Stan. -- oopsy; delete comma
"Well knuckleheads, we can stand around here all night smacking ourselves in the face with our peckers, or we can focus on the issue at hand. -- great; gave me a chuckle
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2022
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Oh my gosh, you gave me another six! Thank you so much. The mistakes were more minor this time. I think I am catching more mistakes now.
As per your question, the bikers are eating cans from the overseers after they bounty, which are coming from the slave pods. Daniel doesn't want to eat stuff found in houses that is 7 years old. I added a clarification sentence in that paragraph.
The climax with the bikers is coming shortly. I just needed the freedom of their bikes to get my main character deep into California. The next couple of chapters are . . . interesting, to say the least. Thank you!
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I really love your story. Perhaps because it isn't on a fantasy planet.
