Comment from lancellot

Excellent

This is fine. I think you do a good job with fight scene. I could easily follow the action. The explosion timing I would look closer at but that not a serious issue.

I like the realistic tone of the conversations. Brings new meaning to the phrase, Playing with your food.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2022

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022

Thank you Sir.

Comment from Susan Newell

Excellent

Douglas,

I wish I had seven stars for this! The story line is great and the dialogue just right. I couldn't slow down reading to pull out all the great places where you effectively "showed us" what was happening. You also did a terrific clean-up job. I only picked up a very few things when proofing. Standing ovation for this chapter--for everything from taking out gang members, to The Horndog scene to the introduction of Olivia, and more.

Sue

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2022

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reply by the author on 04-Oct-2022

A five star from my friend Susan is better than a seven star from any others! If you found any mistakes kick them to me so I can clean it up further (ha . . . Not farther)

I already pointed out two of my favorite three chapters. The next one coming up is the third of those. There is a horrible, yet funny scene plus some great action! Hopefully my grammar holds up! Thanks for not bailing on me. I just wanted to take a few days and fix the obvious stuff. It was embarrassing to have so many "blowouts" in one piece of work.
Stay you, it?s a great place to be!
Douglas

reply by Susan Newell on 04-Oct-2022

You are so welcome,Douglas.Every coach loves a committed player! I wouldn't miss the rest of the book for anything. You have made the unbelievable believable. Poor Dat -- seems everyone wants him "mounted," or being mounted, in one way or another