Implantation
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Big Jim"A sci-fi thriller!
2 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
This is well written and edited. You gave a lot information and detail to the build up and fight. No, there wasn't any surprises to the outcome but it was well done.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2022
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This is well written and edited. You gave a lot information and detail to the build up and fight. No, there wasn't any surprises to the outcome but it was well done.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2022
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The witch jumping Daniel's bones had to be a bit of a surprise . . . or more of a shock? I'm saving the surprises for the end!
Thanks for your review, Sir! As always, you are appreciated!
Comment from Susan Newell
Douglas,
Another great chapter with lots of action and more good marine stuff! Loved seeing Big Jim taken down. Sort of a David and Goliath situation. Loved the ending. No sixes left to my dismay. Big kudos. Found a few minor tweaks.
Sue
. It's signed Stan the Man.", the white-haired woman said -- missed one punctuation rehab ==> Man," the
woman said in a raspy tone that sounded like it had been dancing with cigarettes for decades. *****
She feed him a bowl of the pea soup -- typo ==> fed
Once it was over, the ladies left Daniel alone. -- Ladies?!? I'd buy "women."
that he kept clashing and rubbing together. -- Perhaps: sharpening by drawing the blades against each other, straightening the narrow edges? Or similar? Current description seems more wild than purposeful.
the matt flooring of the ring ==> mat -- Tighter writing as "the ring's mat"
Once again, he was sent to the mat, this time with blood running from his freshly broken -- OMG, not again! That nose must look like cauliflower by now. :-)
'ball blasts' that Daniel had just delivered. -- I think the ' marks detract
He punched the hard to hold, sweaty man == hard-to-hold
counter punching Daniel in the face three times, -- I'd hyphenate counter-punching
taping the fingers on Big Jim's left had together. -- better as: taping together, etc. ---typo ==> hand
By now, I meant after I rest up and heal a bit." - I stumbled a bit on this. I think this would help -- 'now,'
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2022
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Douglas,
Another great chapter with lots of action and more good marine stuff! Loved seeing Big Jim taken down. Sort of a David and Goliath situation. Loved the ending. No sixes left to my dismay. Big kudos. Found a few minor tweaks.
Sue
. It's signed Stan the Man.", the white-haired woman said -- missed one punctuation rehab ==> Man," the
woman said in a raspy tone that sounded like it had been dancing with cigarettes for decades. *****
She feed him a bowl of the pea soup -- typo ==> fed
Once it was over, the ladies left Daniel alone. -- Ladies?!? I'd buy "women."
that he kept clashing and rubbing together. -- Perhaps: sharpening by drawing the blades against each other, straightening the narrow edges? Or similar? Current description seems more wild than purposeful.
the matt flooring of the ring ==> mat -- Tighter writing as "the ring's mat"
Once again, he was sent to the mat, this time with blood running from his freshly broken -- OMG, not again! That nose must look like cauliflower by now. :-)
'ball blasts' that Daniel had just delivered. -- I think the ' marks detract
He punched the hard to hold, sweaty man == hard-to-hold
counter punching Daniel in the face three times, -- I'd hyphenate counter-punching
taping the fingers on Big Jim's left had together. -- better as: taping together, etc. ---typo ==> hand
By now, I meant after I rest up and heal a bit." - I stumbled a bit on this. I think this would help -- 'now,'
Comment Written 05-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2022
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Susan,
Not perfect but acceptable level of mistakes. I laughed out loud when I read this : Ladies?!? I'd buy "women."
Too funny!
Olivia is a strong character who will develop into a primary participant. Now that Dat has his "army", I guess we shall see what he can do!
Thank you once again. You are appreciated!!!
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I'm on alert for the next chapter. Can hardly wait.
