Implantation
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Resistance Begins"A sci-fi thriller!
2 total reviews
Comment from prettybluebirds
This is an exciting story. I'm not much for science fiction, but this one held my attention from the first word to the last. I enjoyed this chapter and look forward to reading the next one. I want to find out where the story goes. Nice writing.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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This is an exciting story. I'm not much for science fiction, but this one held my attention from the first word to the last. I enjoyed this chapter and look forward to reading the next one. I want to find out where the story goes. Nice writing.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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Thank you. Your kind words are much appreciated!
Comment from Susan Newell
Douglas,
This is a great action chapter with big accomplishments (recovery of Tiny and Hambone; turning the clan into an army) and not only a victory, but hope. There was some slippage on the SPAGs. Notes follow.
Sue
Hambone was getting a lot of medical experience constantly putting him back together again. -- Did I miss something? I thought Hambone was still stuck with Stan and that's why Dat didn't want to set Big Jim's clan on a course to find them.
Daniel also sought out and found Carmen's 357 Taurus. -- I like this . . . And his goal.
Daniel went with Olivia, and after much reassuring, got both bikers to come out. -- Both? You mentioned only Tiny.
both grinned showed new, albeit sloppy, prison level tattoos ==> grinned and showed
Daniel waited a bit as this statement caused several gasped and some excited murmurs. ==> gasps
"Off course," Stiffy said, then added, "They're at least twenty in Oakland alone, but they are all guarded, ==> "There're
"Any ideas on how we can incapacitate twelve people? They'll be docile at first, and won't fight, until we try to take 'em. We'll have to knock 'em out," Daniel asked while explain why. --What???
"Perfect. I need it by tonight," Daniel ordered, then as ==> ordered. Then, as an afterthought,
Daniel was leaning to read the pretty Hispanic woman quite well. ==> learning
Over her black t-shirt, Olivia wore a bandolier over her shoulders that crisscrossed her chest. -- consider: Olivia had draped two bandoliers over her shoulders to criss-cross the front and back of her black T-Shirt. --- you need one to cross, two to crisscross -- whichever works for you.
His Second-In-Command led him through several tunnels to an area that he wasn't familiar with. -- Rule: Never end a sentence with a preposition. Easiest fix? . . . that was unfamiliar to him [you have more of these]
Daniel's people heading off in various directions, while he stayed with the food recovery team. ==> headed
She helped him up and the two of them hurried over to the ladders. ==> she helped Daniel up (antecedent for he is overseer)
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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Douglas,
This is a great action chapter with big accomplishments (recovery of Tiny and Hambone; turning the clan into an army) and not only a victory, but hope. There was some slippage on the SPAGs. Notes follow.
Sue
Hambone was getting a lot of medical experience constantly putting him back together again. -- Did I miss something? I thought Hambone was still stuck with Stan and that's why Dat didn't want to set Big Jim's clan on a course to find them.
Daniel also sought out and found Carmen's 357 Taurus. -- I like this . . . And his goal.
Daniel went with Olivia, and after much reassuring, got both bikers to come out. -- Both? You mentioned only Tiny.
both grinned showed new, albeit sloppy, prison level tattoos ==> grinned and showed
Daniel waited a bit as this statement caused several gasped and some excited murmurs. ==> gasps
"Off course," Stiffy said, then added, "They're at least twenty in Oakland alone, but they are all guarded, ==> "There're
"Any ideas on how we can incapacitate twelve people? They'll be docile at first, and won't fight, until we try to take 'em. We'll have to knock 'em out," Daniel asked while explain why. --What???
"Perfect. I need it by tonight," Daniel ordered, then as ==> ordered. Then, as an afterthought,
Daniel was leaning to read the pretty Hispanic woman quite well. ==> learning
Over her black t-shirt, Olivia wore a bandolier over her shoulders that crisscrossed her chest. -- consider: Olivia had draped two bandoliers over her shoulders to criss-cross the front and back of her black T-Shirt. --- you need one to cross, two to crisscross -- whichever works for you.
His Second-In-Command led him through several tunnels to an area that he wasn't familiar with. -- Rule: Never end a sentence with a preposition. Easiest fix? . . . that was unfamiliar to him [you have more of these]
Daniel's people heading off in various directions, while he stayed with the food recovery team. ==> headed
She helped him up and the two of them hurried over to the ladders. ==> she helped Daniel up (antecedent for he is overseer)
Comment Written 06-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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Susan,
Okay, the Hambone thing was a glitch. I had went back and added that sentence, not realizing that he wasn't back yet. Good catch!
So, you can never end a sentence with with? (Like I just did)
So I think I had the same amount of mistakes as last chapter, but these seemed more noticeable. I certainly hope to be improving. I'm shooting for less mistakes next chapter.
Thank you so much,
Douglas
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Just keep at it. Trite but true: Rome wasn't built in a day.
