Implantation
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Alcatraz"A sci-fi thriller!
2 total reviews
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was great. I thought the news of a baby on the way was taken with some surprise. No protest really. And she seemed happy about it. A little more conflict there might benefit the story. But maybe that is to come. That being said it's a terrific story. Your pacing is good. The storytelling is excellent. The characters are interesting and you can feel the chemistry between the two. Well written!
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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I thought this was great. I thought the news of a baby on the way was taken with some surprise. No protest really. And she seemed happy about it. A little more conflict there might benefit the story. But maybe that is to come. That being said it's a terrific story. Your pacing is good. The storytelling is excellent. The characters are interesting and you can feel the chemistry between the two. Well written!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2022
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Thank you Sir! Coming to the end of the book soon!
Comment from Susan Newell
Douglas,
Gripping from start to finish. Tremendous additions to the plot line. The six is conditional, provided that you fix the few typos. I've pulled out a few of my favorite spots. Now I can't wait to find out about the Overlord!
Sue
"Smart, beautiful, and resourceful. You are a triple threat." Daniel gave her a warm smile. -- I really like this affirmation.
"In love with you," she answered, then quickly added, "I just thought that you should know in case something happens to either of us."--I really like this. We regret most what we never said.
Olivia had taken to sleeping with him for warmth and comfort, but it had remained plutonic. ==> platonic (as defined by Plato)
Once inside of the building they passed through a gated entrance that had another pair of guards stationed there.-- better syntax as: entrance where another pair of guards were stationed.
who had rode the line and flip-flopped on every issue. ==> had ridden the line; better verb?
"That is under committee review", --knuckle rap ==> review,"
"Robert Rogers. Governor of California. First term," ***** Killer shot!
It was obviously a drone picture and had large red leaders across it reading "WANTED". ==> large red letters
So why haven't they transport ==> transported
"I wish that they could've exterminate those rats a long ==> exterminated
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2022
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Douglas,
Gripping from start to finish. Tremendous additions to the plot line. The six is conditional, provided that you fix the few typos. I've pulled out a few of my favorite spots. Now I can't wait to find out about the Overlord!
Sue
"Smart, beautiful, and resourceful. You are a triple threat." Daniel gave her a warm smile. -- I really like this affirmation.
"In love with you," she answered, then quickly added, "I just thought that you should know in case something happens to either of us."--I really like this. We regret most what we never said.
Olivia had taken to sleeping with him for warmth and comfort, but it had remained plutonic. ==> platonic (as defined by Plato)
Once inside of the building they passed through a gated entrance that had another pair of guards stationed there.-- better syntax as: entrance where another pair of guards were stationed.
who had rode the line and flip-flopped on every issue. ==> had ridden the line; better verb?
"That is under committee review", --knuckle rap ==> review,"
"Robert Rogers. Governor of California. First term," ***** Killer shot!
It was obviously a drone picture and had large red leaders across it reading "WANTED". ==> large red letters
So why haven't they transport ==> transported
"I wish that they could've exterminate those rats a long ==> exterminated
Comment Written 16-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2022
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Sue,
This is how I fixed the shotgun issue in the last chapter. It reads much better and stays in line with Daniel's unwavering truth telling:
Daniel slowly made his way down the steps, contemplating his next move, when Stan said, "Don?t even think about it, Dat ol? boy. Where's that smoke wagon of yours? Don't tell me that I caught you defenseless."
"My shotgun's up in the plane with the rest of my gear."
As far as this chapter is going, there's some good teaching points here. Plus it seems that I am finally dialing down some of the dumb mistakes.
Thank you so very much!
Now . . .let's go meet this Overlord and give him a piece of our mind . . . unless he eats them. Then let's not.
Douglas
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Rewrite sounds good.
Now . . .let's go meet this Overlord and give him a piece of our mind . . . unless he eats them. Then let's not.
LOL
