Implantation
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Children Are Expendable "A sci-fi thriller!
5 total reviews
Comment from Dr. Von
This final chapter is excellent writing. The descriptions are key to keeping the reader engaged in the story. The book chapters leading to this solidly written finale are strong contributors. Your talented writing does justice to delivering this excellent storyline. Thank you for sharing your gift.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2022
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This final chapter is excellent writing. The descriptions are key to keeping the reader engaged in the story. The book chapters leading to this solidly written finale are strong contributors. Your talented writing does justice to delivering this excellent storyline. Thank you for sharing your gift.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2022
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Thank you , my friend! You are a wonderful encouragement to my writing! I hope you have a wonderful week.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Zue65
I haven't read the entire story but this final post is indicative of how creative and imaginative the writer is. His fascination for sci-fi plot like this one is exceptional. The final battle with the Overlord is riveting and packed with intense action and excitement. This story will surely be a hit in the Hollywood's big screen . Congratulations and keep writing.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2022
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I haven't read the entire story but this final post is indicative of how creative and imaginative the writer is. His fascination for sci-fi plot like this one is exceptional. The final battle with the Overlord is riveting and packed with intense action and excitement. This story will surely be a hit in the Hollywood's big screen . Congratulations and keep writing.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2022
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Thank you for the review and stars! I appreciate you! I am honored that it was nominated for the book of the month! Good times!
Comment from Susan Newell
Douglas,
I'll send you out in a blaze of glory despite a few burps. I love how you came up with a way to save Dat. Those seekers just need to be put down. Clever way of dealing with the wife. Never trust a Quid! Not symbiotic! Parasitic liars!
Now that it's finished, the real work begins: going back through and looking for places to improve it with more detail or amped up word choices. I wish I had some advice on how to get this to a publisher, but that's way beyond me. This is a terrific story and so different from anything I have read before. I am very impressed.
Your BWF
"Me gusta nucho!" Paco whispered. --er, ah ==> mucho (LOL)
massacring a bunch of civilians and men that they may need later. ==> might
they had taken Daniel thru on his first visit to Alcatraz. ==> "through" in formal writing
The guards fell, one, two, three, like dominoes. -- poor analogy; dominoes fall when hit by others (brainstorm: like marionettes whose strings had been cut)
With a "whoosh", -- commas and periods always inside
Olivia jumped on thing's chest and pushed the button exactly where Daniel had shown her. --fix
Daniel could feel the wet and slimy worm like appendages sliding along his arm. -- worm-like (Eeeeew.)
The Overlord sprung across the counter with a speed that surprised Daniel. ==> sprang
The seekers turned into flesh eating lunatics that were constantly sniffing out and tracking down humans. What's worse is they hunted in packs, like wild dogs. -- seems a little rushed, like a summary; could use just a little more expansion here
With about half of the world's people now dead or missing, it left the numbers between seekers and survivors just about even. --math doesn't make sense; how could the all-male adult seekers equal half the population since they started out as humans?
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2022
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Douglas,
I'll send you out in a blaze of glory despite a few burps. I love how you came up with a way to save Dat. Those seekers just need to be put down. Clever way of dealing with the wife. Never trust a Quid! Not symbiotic! Parasitic liars!
Now that it's finished, the real work begins: going back through and looking for places to improve it with more detail or amped up word choices. I wish I had some advice on how to get this to a publisher, but that's way beyond me. This is a terrific story and so different from anything I have read before. I am very impressed.
Your BWF
"Me gusta nucho!" Paco whispered. --er, ah ==> mucho (LOL)
massacring a bunch of civilians and men that they may need later. ==> might
they had taken Daniel thru on his first visit to Alcatraz. ==> "through" in formal writing
The guards fell, one, two, three, like dominoes. -- poor analogy; dominoes fall when hit by others (brainstorm: like marionettes whose strings had been cut)
With a "whoosh", -- commas and periods always inside
Olivia jumped on thing's chest and pushed the button exactly where Daniel had shown her. --fix
Daniel could feel the wet and slimy worm like appendages sliding along his arm. -- worm-like (Eeeeew.)
The Overlord sprung across the counter with a speed that surprised Daniel. ==> sprang
The seekers turned into flesh eating lunatics that were constantly sniffing out and tracking down humans. What's worse is they hunted in packs, like wild dogs. -- seems a little rushed, like a summary; could use just a little more expansion here
With about half of the world's people now dead or missing, it left the numbers between seekers and survivors just about even. --math doesn't make sense; how could the all-male adult seekers equal half the population since they started out as humans?
Comment Written 19-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2022
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Well, we did Mrs. Sue! Finished with less than ten errors. I'm still undecided if overseer and seeker should be capitalized throughout the book.
I appreciate you journeying with me on this Quest in which we defeated all grammar monsters and oopsies beasts. Best part is I made a new friend!
Thank you ma'am. I sure appreciate you immensely
D
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You did so many things right! I don't think I mentioned the naming of the Quid. Perfect, because subconsciously we think of squid. I can't guarantee I found everything all the way through, but I think you learned a lot and will be better able to do your own proofreading and editing in the future. I'm not kidding about how much I like this book. It also leaves room for sequels ? like the rebuilding of society on Earth and the sudden freedom of humans on numerous other planets. Imagine what it would be like having a "spell" lifted when they didn't even know they were under one, and finding defunct robots and crazy seekers running around.
Did I understand correctly that the only thing the Quid did with all the resources was make more overseers and skimmers, etc. to control humans? If so, that should probably be made really clear.
The conundrum about capitalizing the names for aliens is difficult. Back in the mid-nineties I wrote a post-apocalyptic novel and I gave the bad guys acronyms. World Order Masters became WORMS; U.N. Ministers of Peace became UNMOPS.
You might want to change seekers to something more offensive, like scroungers. Seekers often applies to to things more cerebral or spiritual. Something like resource collectors could become RESCOLLS. I'm sure you could come up with something better.
Just tossing out some ideas.
Sue
Comment from lancellot
Well that was a nice conclusion. I like the one-on-one fight with the Overlord. Having no actually skeleton was a real disadvantage when fighting a human. Also, nice that everything didn't end without issues to solve. Very realistic.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2022
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Well that was a nice conclusion. I like the one-on-one fight with the Overlord. Having no actually skeleton was a real disadvantage when fighting a human. Also, nice that everything didn't end without issues to solve. Very realistic.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2022
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Thank you for the great review and rating. I appreciate you riding along on this adventure. You honest evaluations are refreshing. Thanks my friend.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Daniel claims to be going on a suicide mission to ensure the bomb takes out its intended target.
Always easier to attack under the cover of darkness, three shots resulted in no lights on the island.
Perhaps They for "Paco and he"? Reads better.
"Quart Master's Building" should be Quartermaster's Building.
Plenty of action in this adventure.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2022
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Daniel claims to be going on a suicide mission to ensure the bomb takes out its intended target.
Always easier to attack under the cover of darkness, three shots resulted in no lights on the island.
Perhaps They for "Paco and he"? Reads better.
"Quart Master's Building" should be Quartermaster's Building.
Plenty of action in this adventure.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2022
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Thank you Sir! I shall make the adjustments. I appreciate you.
