Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 84 "Misty Meadow"Musings of an old man - 2022
28 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I thought this was a very well-thought-out poem. The language feels like it is in the classical Shakespearean style, or maybe up through the 19th Century. I see another reviewer gave you some suggestions on fixing the iambic pentameter for the stressed syllables.
I would suggest some commas in this line:
Just farms and fields loved wives and moms left scarred.
so
Just farms and fields, loved wives and moms left scarred.
Nice share.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2022
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I thought this was a very well-thought-out poem. The language feels like it is in the classical Shakespearean style, or maybe up through the 19th Century. I see another reviewer gave you some suggestions on fixing the iambic pentameter for the stressed syllables.
I would suggest some commas in this line:
Just farms and fields loved wives and moms left scarred.
so
Just farms and fields, loved wives and moms left scarred.
Nice share.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2022
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Yes, you are quite correct, thank you!
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written poem, sonnet, you have penned about the misty meadow. You used very good descriptive words. I can't give you any advice on this type of poem. I enjoy reading them but haven't tried to write one yet. Best wishes in the contest. Teir
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2022
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This is a very well written poem, sonnet, you have penned about the misty meadow. You used very good descriptive words. I can't give you any advice on this type of poem. I enjoy reading them but haven't tried to write one yet. Best wishes in the contest. Teir
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from dragonpoet
This Elizabethan (Shakespearian) sonnet tells of the sad effects of war. How bitter the loss of the young soldier is to the mother. It seems this shows more of the poor were conscripted into the fight than the nobility in the older times. So harvest was harder.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2022
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This Elizabethan (Shakespearian) sonnet tells of the sad effects of war. How bitter the loss of the young soldier is to the mother. It seems this shows more of the poor were conscripted into the fight than the nobility in the older times. So harvest was harder.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2022
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Joan, thank you,
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No problem, Jim.
Joan
Comment from Heather Knight
I cannot give you any advice as I'm a newbie when it comes to poetry.
The way you represent nature in your poems is always beautiful and here you have added a layer of history.
I like the whole thing, but I have to say this line is spectacular: Afield, inert young men whose souls get wings.
Thanks for sharing,
MJ
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2022
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I cannot give you any advice as I'm a newbie when it comes to poetry.
The way you represent nature in your poems is always beautiful and here you have added a layer of history.
I like the whole thing, but I have to say this line is spectacular: Afield, inert young men whose souls get wings.
Thanks for sharing,
MJ
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2022
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Thank you MJ!
Comment from Verna Cole Mitchell
You are writing excellent sonnets. I like all the pictures you present for
what the land remembers. My favorite line is: As mist gives up its clutch on land. . . . (Gauls and kings do not need apostrophes. The "of" that precedes them gives ownership.)
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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You are writing excellent sonnets. I like all the pictures you present for
what the land remembers. My favorite line is: As mist gives up its clutch on land. . . . (Gauls and kings do not need apostrophes. The "of" that precedes them gives ownership.)
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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Thank you so very much! I always value your learned input.
Comment from jacquelyn popp
This is very easy to read and quite enjoyable. I haven't read too many sonnets, but I especially liked this one. The poem in itself flowed so well together, and the message is very clear. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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This is very easy to read and quite enjoyable. I haven't read too many sonnets, but I especially liked this one. The poem in itself flowed so well together, and the message is very clear. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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Thanks
Comment from TPAC
I like the ingredients used in this write, presented mixture of words were captivating and compiling to my interests. Very strong conveyance perching into the heart in my given viewpoint.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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I like the ingredients used in this write, presented mixture of words were captivating and compiling to my interests. Very strong conveyance perching into the heart in my given viewpoint.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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TPAC, thanks!
Comment from Fleedleflump
I loved the classic feel of this, the historical observation. There are a couple of lines where the iambic stresses feel off:
'Those who suffer the loss do not feel the sun.' - love the concept of this line but in its current position, suffer is stressed as su-FFER which doesn't sit right. Also, who does not feel right stressed. Perhaps something like:
'Who suffers loss will never feel the sun'
'For what wives cry noble estates of king's?' - noble in this location reads as no-BLE whereas my brain wants it to be NO-ble. Maybe:
'Will noble wives lament the loss of Kings?'
It's not quite right, I know, but I wouldn't want to rewrite your poem :-).
Last comment (promise): Gauls and Kings don't need the apostrophes.
Mike
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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I loved the classic feel of this, the historical observation. There are a couple of lines where the iambic stresses feel off:
'Those who suffer the loss do not feel the sun.' - love the concept of this line but in its current position, suffer is stressed as su-FFER which doesn't sit right. Also, who does not feel right stressed. Perhaps something like:
'Who suffers loss will never feel the sun'
'For what wives cry noble estates of king's?' - noble in this location reads as no-BLE whereas my brain wants it to be NO-ble. Maybe:
'Will noble wives lament the loss of Kings?'
It's not quite right, I know, but I wouldn't want to rewrite your poem :-).
Last comment (promise): Gauls and Kings don't need the apostrophes.
Mike
Comment Written 20-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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Mike, super input! thank you.. Jim
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No worries, Jim. I really enjoyed this one. I hope you don't mind me making suggestions.
Mike
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Mike, never will I or do I mind at all! My gratitude is real, thank you!
Comment from GWHARGIS
I listen to history podcasts. This sonnet reminds me of the Hundred Years war. They spoke of the farmers and bakers, the teachers all taking up rudimentary weapons and standing no chance against the trained armies. Beautifully written. Bittersweet message. This one was quite thought provoking. Well written. Gretchen
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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I listen to history podcasts. This sonnet reminds me of the Hundred Years war. They spoke of the farmers and bakers, the teachers all taking up rudimentary weapons and standing no chance against the trained armies. Beautifully written. Bittersweet message. This one was quite thought provoking. Well written. Gretchen
Comment Written 19-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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Thanks Gretchen!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your sonnet, JLR. You did a great job with a
complex theme and style choice. Your words painted
a great picture of the land. I commend you for sharing
your interesting sonnets. The picture is a perfect addition.
Your words flow smoothly and create great imagery.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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I enjoyed your sonnet, JLR. You did a great job with a
complex theme and style choice. Your words painted
a great picture of the land. I commend you for sharing
your interesting sonnets. The picture is a perfect addition.
Your words flow smoothly and create great imagery.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 19-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2022
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You make me smile wiht great appreciation Ms Jan!
