A Field of Acorns
A young man inherits a farm, and plants acorns10 total reviews
Comment from K.I. Betancur
Nitpicks: Check in at Sand City*, is how I would portray it.
A "think bud?"
One* morning after
He could use it*
You said the lumberman was named Clint, but then changed it to Nick a little bit later?
And then you said "Bill could not believe his eyes," did you mean Fred?
don't be scared*
they* opened it
I would use another word to replace the second "tightly" when discussing the buds being closed.
purchased*
It was an old 1942 Ford*
All this aside, it was a cute story with a cute ending. I would give more detail instead of "telling" all the parts of the story, with the "And then"'s. Just in my opinion, it felt like there were some spots where you could have used detail instead of plainly telling us what happened. Though it may work as a Children's story, depending on what your intention was.
Congratulations on your place in the Contest!
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2023
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Nitpicks: Check in at Sand City*, is how I would portray it.
A "think bud?"
One* morning after
He could use it*
You said the lumberman was named Clint, but then changed it to Nick a little bit later?
And then you said "Bill could not believe his eyes," did you mean Fred?
don't be scared*
they* opened it
I would use another word to replace the second "tightly" when discussing the buds being closed.
purchased*
It was an old 1942 Ford*
All this aside, it was a cute story with a cute ending. I would give more detail instead of "telling" all the parts of the story, with the "And then"'s. Just in my opinion, it felt like there were some spots where you could have used detail instead of plainly telling us what happened. Though it may work as a Children's story, depending on what your intention was.
Congratulations on your place in the Contest!
Comment Written 20-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2023
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Thank you for your help missed the contest, my husband has been in hospital and under longterm help, what did I place in contest, just curious. I will fix the errors thank you so much
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was incredible, such a lovely story. It was so well written. The little acorn children were fabulous, I'll be planting my own acorns now!! This would make a lovely children's picture book story, they would love it. I thoroughly enjoyed really this. Well done! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2023
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That was incredible, such a lovely story. It was so well written. The little acorn children were fabulous, I'll be planting my own acorns now!! This would make a lovely children's picture book story, they would love it. I thoroughly enjoyed really this. Well done! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 15-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2023
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thank you so much, I just read this, husband ill and been busy caring for him and getting home care. thank you so much
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Whew. I never read a whole book at one sitting on FanStory. I applaud your patience and mine. Still, I once lived in California, Coronado to be precise, and cannot recall ever seeing an oak tree, producer of acorns for the soil was either too rocky or sandy if near the beach. If Fred arrived after1995 (I thought it rhymed) poor man would have been broke in no time with that zany state's tax rate
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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Whew. I never read a whole book at one sitting on FanStory. I applaud your patience and mine. Still, I once lived in California, Coronado to be precise, and cannot recall ever seeing an oak tree, producer of acorns for the soil was either too rocky or sandy if near the beach. If Fred arrived after1995 (I thought it rhymed) poor man would have been broke in no time with that zany state's tax rate
Comment Written 20-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2022
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all true, I wrote this many years ago, and just edited and its going in my next book to be published, My 4th, thank you for reading, and you are right, lol
Comment from Zue65
I really enjoyed my magical trip while reading this fantasy story about tiny people helping humans get by. I just hope I will also meet tiny people like Fred had in this beautiful story of yours. You have a natural flair for storytelling. Thanks a lot for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2022
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I really enjoyed my magical trip while reading this fantasy story about tiny people helping humans get by. I just hope I will also meet tiny people like Fred had in this beautiful story of yours. You have a natural flair for storytelling. Thanks a lot for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2022
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thank you I love to do just thank
Comment from amahra
You may have written this a while ago, but it seems like great fantasy fiction for the contest.
In the middle of the section [,] an old hut stood. It was like a shed [and] [get rid of and] falling apart. Close to the corner was a very old house trailer. Its paint was all peeling off [,] but from where he stood[,] it looked solid. There was a break in the trees. [Very descriptive. I could see this.]
Every evening Fred looks out at the yard and says a prayer to the Acorn children, a part of him that will never die. [This ending is precious.]
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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You may have written this a while ago, but it seems like great fantasy fiction for the contest.
In the middle of the section [,] an old hut stood. It was like a shed [and] [get rid of and] falling apart. Close to the corner was a very old house trailer. Its paint was all peeling off [,] but from where he stood[,] it looked solid. There was a break in the trees. [Very descriptive. I could see this.]
Every evening Fred looks out at the yard and says a prayer to the Acorn children, a part of him that will never die. [This ending is precious.]
Comment Written 15-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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thank you so much, glad you think it will work, I will go back and do a bit of editing, thank you again
Comment from Douglas Goff
This is very detailed and well laid out.
Couple of catches:
He headed downtown and had the tights turned on and put the water in
(tights should be lights)
Well, there, that should help you to grow." He said. "I have got to get back to work."
(grow," he)
Also, a couple of the longer paragraphs should be cut in two
Easy fixes. This is good work!
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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This is very detailed and well laid out.
Couple of catches:
He headed downtown and had the tights turned on and put the water in
(tights should be lights)
Well, there, that should help you to grow." He said. "I have got to get back to work."
(grow," he)
Also, a couple of the longer paragraphs should be cut in two
Easy fixes. This is good work!
Comment Written 15-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
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this is great, help thank you so much, I will get back to re edit
Comment from Mary Shifman
This is a charming story and I really enjoyed it. I think that with illustrations it would make a lovely children's book. Good luck in the contest.
I found two typos:
he was like (liked) by all.
be in the trail (er) to fix it.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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This is a charming story and I really enjoyed it. I think that with illustrations it would make a lovely children's book. Good luck in the contest.
I found two typos:
he was like (liked) by all.
be in the trail (er) to fix it.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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made the changes, thank you so much for catching this,
Comment from Mario PIERRE
What a lovely story!! Even though there's a lot of exposition and very few dialogue, the story is never boring. It runs very fluid and captivating.
Very well done!!!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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What a lovely story!! Even though there's a lot of exposition and very few dialogue, the story is never boring. It runs very fluid and captivating.
Very well done!!!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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wow, thank you so much for your great compliment
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is an interesting story and I enjoyed reading. A few things to watch, each person speaking deserves their own paragraph, you can't put them all into one paragraph. Also, you have some paragraph, but this story needs to be divided up into a lot more paragraphs.
There were beautiful trees on both sides. He could smell the salt air from the Ocean. (ocean)
He would wash everything the next day. (the following day)
The next day he started on the outside of the trailer with a Silver paint. (The following day)
"Well, there, that should help you to grow." He said. (grow," he said.)
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2022
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This is an interesting story and I enjoyed reading. A few things to watch, each person speaking deserves their own paragraph, you can't put them all into one paragraph. Also, you have some paragraph, but this story needs to be divided up into a lot more paragraphs.
There were beautiful trees on both sides. He could smell the salt air from the Ocean. (ocean)
He would wash everything the next day. (the following day)
The next day he started on the outside of the trailer with a Silver paint. (The following day)
"Well, there, that should help you to grow." He said. (grow," he said.)
Comment Written 06-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2022
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thank you so much for your help and looking forward to your reviews, books are being released this month, and are being editing by a writer thank goodness
Comment from lancellot
An interesting fantasy story. Fairies from space, born out of acorns, it's different. I like how you wrote Fred, truly a gentle soul, and I like his senior years, still there, and still a happy and fulfilled man.
I do recommend reworking the paragraph spacings.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2022
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An interesting fantasy story. Fairies from space, born out of acorns, it's different. I like how you wrote Fred, truly a gentle soul, and I like his senior years, still there, and still a happy and fulfilled man.
I do recommend reworking the paragraph spacings.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2022
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the spacing copied wrong, oops, I hope I fixed them right, but will recheck thank you so much for your help
