The Chronicals Of Bethica: The Rise
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "The Chronicles of Bethica"Abram must defeat a deadly humanoid race of beings
8 total reviews
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
The plot is complex and difficult to assess in a single chapter. The duel between Gangus and Vaganor is exciting with a fast pace and in considerable detail. The victory of Gangus is clouded by the death of his beloved wife, Brehira. The description of her funeral pyre is graphic and moving. Most of the language is heroic in tone but the sudden use of colloqialisms like 'napping' jar slightly. Having got into the story, I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2022
  |
The plot is complex and difficult to assess in a single chapter. The duel between Gangus and Vaganor is exciting with a fast pace and in considerable detail. The victory of Gangus is clouded by the death of his beloved wife, Brehira. The description of her funeral pyre is graphic and moving. Most of the language is heroic in tone but the sudden use of colloqialisms like 'napping' jar slightly. Having got into the story, I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2022
-
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, Sarah. I struggled with 'sleeping' vs napping' and will certainly revisit that sentence. Glad you pointed it out.
btw, there is a 'u' in the word, colloquialism.
Comment from Ulla
Oh amahra, this is a wonderful new chapter to your book. It's dramatic and so very well written. You know I'm not normally into fantasy writing, but this kept me spellbound. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2022
|
Oh amahra, this is a wonderful new chapter to your book. It's dramatic and so very well written. You know I'm not normally into fantasy writing, but this kept me spellbound. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 07-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2022
-
Thank you, Ulla. This chapter was long because I'm trying to wrap it up quickly. Fantasy is not my genre either.
I'm ghostwriting for an RPG Gamer. My name will be listed in the book as a contributor, but not on the book as the author. It's my first big gig with this Gamer. Before, I just wrote scenarios for his games.
-
Oh, that is a surprise. You do it so very well though. I'm would never had known. Ullaxx
Comment from Ric Myworld
As I always enjoy your detailed and descriptive writing, you've now come up with a new way of bringing up joys of old and taking me back to some happy times. Every time you write gangi, makes me think of ganja and my three to four trips a year to Jamaica for 14 years to visit my girlfriend. But it was the ganja I liked most. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2022
 |
As I always enjoy your detailed and descriptive writing, you've now come up with a new way of bringing up joys of old and taking me back to some happy times. Every time you write gangi, makes me think of ganja and my three to four trips a year to Jamaica for 14 years to visit my girlfriend. But it was the ganja I liked most. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2022
-
Thank you, Rick. Always appreciate hearing from you.
Comment from Jay Squires
Whoa! I can't believe that Lady Brehira died! What a lukewarm victory that made for Lord Gangus Abram! Your fight scenes, gory though they were, were exquisitely penned, as usual, Amahra. But you've spoiled me with that. I made only a couple of notes as I read:
then raised the sword in his right hand and, with the tip of the blade, [This is minor, and totally a grammatical rule I don't know the sense of, but ... you shouldn't FOLLOW "and" or "but" with a comma when they are used as a coordinating conjunction (which, I believe is all the time). Therefore, the comma you put after "and" should, instead, be placed after "hand". That is one of the editing items I check every time before I post. I'm always doing as you did.]
Barthod screamed as his eyes popped out of his head; guts oozed from his body, and his blood snaked into the mud. [Dynamic description!]
They sat darned in exquisite garments ..." I've never heard of "darned" used in this way. "Adorned", yes, but not "darned" I can't find any definition to support it, but I may be wrong.]
The beauty of your prose always rises above any teensy nit that's in it.
Jay
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
|
Whoa! I can't believe that Lady Brehira died! What a lukewarm victory that made for Lord Gangus Abram! Your fight scenes, gory though they were, were exquisitely penned, as usual, Amahra. But you've spoiled me with that. I made only a couple of notes as I read:
then raised the sword in his right hand and, with the tip of the blade, [This is minor, and totally a grammatical rule I don't know the sense of, but ... you shouldn't FOLLOW "and" or "but" with a comma when they are used as a coordinating conjunction (which, I believe is all the time). Therefore, the comma you put after "and" should, instead, be placed after "hand". That is one of the editing items I check every time before I post. I'm always doing as you did.]
Barthod screamed as his eyes popped out of his head; guts oozed from his body, and his blood snaked into the mud. [Dynamic description!]
They sat darned in exquisite garments ..." I've never heard of "darned" used in this way. "Adorned", yes, but not "darned" I can't find any definition to support it, but I may be wrong.]
The beauty of your prose always rises above any teensy nit that's in it.
Jay
Comment Written 05-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2022
-
You're absolutely right, Jay, and I will fix both of them immediately. Thank you for reading this; I know it is long, but I had already cut this chapter into four parts and just wanted to get on with the new chapter. So, I may not get any more reviews, but only people like you count anyway. So thank you again. I'm glad you liked Barthod's death scene.
Comment from royowen
A very sad episode, with the epic battle of Gangus and Vaganor the emperor, with Gangus, overcoming a valiant Vaganor and finally beheading him, but to his extreme dismay and Dinary, Brehira is tragically killed, but because of their failure, Barthod and Vaganor are thrown to the demons, their souls torn from their remains to suffer eternally, beautifully written Amahra, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
|
A very sad episode, with the epic battle of Gangus and Vaganor the emperor, with Gangus, overcoming a valiant Vaganor and finally beheading him, but to his extreme dismay and Dinary, Brehira is tragically killed, but because of their failure, Barthod and Vaganor are thrown to the demons, their souls torn from their remains to suffer eternally, beautifully written Amahra, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
-
Thank you, Roy, for sticking with my story. Blessings to you and family during the holidays and beyond.
-
Most welcome
Comment from Ricky1024
This was my first experience and well written.
Reminds me of another Fanstory writer
All basically similar in the Gothic Style with Goblins and Dragon, Trolls, ECT.
Thanks for sharing.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
|
This was my first experience and well written.
Reminds me of another Fanstory writer
All basically similar in the Gothic Style with Goblins and Dragon, Trolls, ECT.
Thanks for sharing.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
-
Thank you, Ricky for your review.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am not at all happy that Lady Brehira has died. I was hoping some magic would bring her back to life. I guess it wasn't in the cards. I am not a fan of fantasy but this is one story that I really really like. Thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
|
I am not at all happy that Lady Brehira has died. I was hoping some magic would bring her back to life. I guess it wasn't in the cards. I am not a fan of fantasy but this is one story that I really really like. Thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
-
And thank you, Barbara, for supporting it. Blessings to you and your family during the holidays.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Wonderful chapter to read and exciting. Full of tension and action. You did excellent with the fight scene. At least it sounded good to me. I am looking forward to what happens next. Shirley
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
|
Wonderful chapter to read and exciting. Full of tension and action. You did excellent with the fight scene. At least it sounded good to me. I am looking forward to what happens next. Shirley
Comment Written 04-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2022
-
Thank you, Shirley. I appreciate your support of this work. Blessings for the holidays.
